Death By Hanging

Tonight's card is just ultra fucked up given the news I received a few days ago.

I'm in the UK for a few months. I made went to great lengths to make sure my dog was well cared for while I'm gone. Long story short, I found out she hung herself. How you ask? Good question. Because that would mean I'd know why the fuck she was outside in the summer in New Orleans in the first damn place after making it abundantly clear she could not be since she has a thick, all black coat. And more over, why in the hell was she on a got damn leash, tied up when she has two very large backyards to fun and play in since my neighbor opened the fence between our yards!? I don't feel like talking about it at all, so I won't go into anymore detail except to say that I had my ex boyfriend who is still a very close friend (if you follow this blog, yes, Joshua and I are great friends lmao. Whoda thunkit!?) go around to check on her since my neighbor was ignoring my phone calls. In the middle of lying saying she was fine, another neighbor comes up and says, "yeah, that's so messed up that dog hung herself".

So this card, The Hanged Man XII, that I've never had a hard time with is now what the Devil and the Tower once used to be for me, a the worst card in the deck to get. Right now it reads like the two of them plus the 9 of swords, 10 of swords, 3 of swords, Judgement and Death. I want the rename it "The Hanged Innocent Belgian Shepherd" . I see the coins falling out of his hand. I've lost something more precious than gold. I thought she was in safe hands. Nope. She's in the ground and the afterlife. I pray she can forgive me. And that I can too.

 

I love you Selene. I'm so very sorry.

 

Like that can fix anything. Ha.

 

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Relationship Reading: Chuck and Sparkle

A friend asked me for a reading on a love interest. I decided to try Rhiannon's relationship spread using her deck the Faulkner Tarot. She has a fabulous YouTube video on how to do it. This spread involves a lot of cards, 16 of them. I had a hard time trying to figure out how I was going to take picture of the cards. Should I break it up with several pictures in groups? I chose not to and to do a shot of the entire spread so we could actually see the cool way she lays the cards out. I just put it in the middle of the reading. If you click on the picture it will enlarge it so you can see the cards in more detail.

1-3. What does Sparkle bring into the relationship? Well, all three cards are swords, so right off the bat that tells me that Sparkle is very stressed about realtionships and that she may need to work on her communication skills. Perhaps she can be a bit cold or use her words as weapons. First card is the 9 of swords- aka "the nightmare card" which reiterates the stress and often times actual nightmares. Being right next to Justice XI this shows her recent divorce is still very fresh in her mind. It seems she was in a relationship that was extremly painful and her heart is still very heavy. Next to it is the 4 of swords, the card that says you need to rest and take care of yourself. All together, this group is telling me that she needs to take time to heal from a whole lot of nasty shit from the past that still haunts her. Letting go of old ghosts that still haunt her. Everything is energy and the energy of her past relationship or her ex is still clinging to her spirit, which makes all the sense in the world. Even though we know it's best to leave a situation it doesn't take away the pain. Right now, I see her bringing a lot of old wounds and a need for self-care and nurturing. It's great to see she has learned to set boundaries, but I fear she has set up walls.

3-6. What Chuck brings to the reationship? He seems to bring a lot more emotion and openness than Sparkle, but he still has his own apprehention and fear. The first card is the 3 of cups. I think Chuck wants a good healthy relationship, commitment, something where he feels safe and supported, but also fun and happy times they can share together. The next card, the Ace of Swords, shows he is still scared a bit shitless but wants to take the plunge, break out of his comfort zone. Is he afraid of loosing his personal freedom if he gets into a relationship? And this next card is the Queen of Cups. Who is she? Is she the woman from his past who may have been emotionally manipulative? Did she not treat him as an equal or does he have some "mamma's boy" tendencies?

7. How Sparkle sees Chuck- Page of wands- Chuck seems like his ass is a whole lot of fun! She sees him as wild, adventurous, and sexy as hell! Chuck really makes her all tingly in naughty places lol! She sees him as a break from the monotony of life and a fresh new start.

8. How Chuck sees Sparkle- 6 of Swords- This makes me think that the Qof C we jsut saw is someone from his past. He sees Sparkle as moving on to a less stressful time. Someone he can do fun and romatic things and who will appreciate him for it. But he also sees her as hiding something. He sees that wall she has up.

9. How did Sparkle first see Chuck? When they first met, what did she think? - The Hanged Man XII- She saw him as a very strong possibility she wanted to pursue, but she saw his apprehention, his need to take things slowly and in his own time. I like how this shows that she has learned from her past to see a person as they are, not who she wants them to be.

10. How did Chuck see Sparkle when they first met?- 2 of pentacles- He saw her stress and trying to find her footing and balance in her life. He saw she needs to take things slowly as well. I also think he saw that she is the type of person who is such a giver and that she gave so much of herself in the past yet never had it balanced out with recieving from her ex that she is just tapped out at the moment and needs to continue working on her own needs. I like that, it shows he thinks about others and not only himself.

11. What are Sparkle's fears that could block this relationship? 9 of pentacles- Well Chuck ain't the only one who fears loosing his independence huh. The 9ofP is all about someone who has worked long and hard to get to wear they are. A person who has learned to love themselves and is very independant. They like the company of others, yes, but they do not need anyone else! Her fear of loosing herself in the relationship in another person could block thngs.

12. What are Chuck's fears?- Knight of Cups- I think he fears getting all caught up in the romance of it and I also think he fears rejection. Is there a shy aspect of Chuck? Or is it again that QofC from his past who kicked his ass emotionally and made him insecure? This man needs a lot of emotional reassurance.

13. Outside influences in Sparkle's world- The Lovers VI- I feel this goes back to her divorce since this card often has to do with marriage. It also has to do with choices and balancing the head with the heart. Are there issues other than the ones already mentioned that are major choices in Sparkle's world that are making her have to choose what road to take?

14. Outside influences in Chuck's world? The Knight of Pentacles- Is work or money making and planning for the future in a slow methodical way a major factor in his world that would infuence him? Or does he see that this relationship would be a lot of hard work and he is trying to go very slowly to see if it's worth it. Not in a cruel way or that he is seeing Sparkle in a negative light, just a mature assement of of his life and what is best.

15. Outcome- 5 of swords- I hate to say it, but I have to be honest in my readings. The 5ofSw is just a nasty card that really doesn't have a good side to it. I see the two of them just rubbing eachother the wrong way and things getting nasty and stressful, bringing out the worst and not the best in each other. The 5ofSw is about gossip, and shit-talkin', and empty victories. Shit hits the fan and the gloves come off and people fight unfairly.

16. So I jsut had to check another card to see if there was anything else we could find out. I did the card at the bottom of the deck which sums it all up, the bottom line of it all.--Damn... 10 of Swords. I hate like hell to say it, but it does not look very promising to say the least for this relationship. 10ofSw is another one of the most nasty cards in the deck. It shows starting over, but from a place of a lot of pain and stress and emptiness. Which I guess kind of comes full circle from the first cards we laid out to begin with.

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I Popped My Cherry!

I DID IT!!!
 I did it damnit all to hell! I FINALLY carried my ass down to the French Quarter (FQ) to Jackson Square (JSq) and read cards!
I was so nervous, but I finally made up my mind because it was just before Halloween and what better time  and place for Goddess sake!?! New Orleans, LA in The FQ, on Halloween! If not then, WTF man! I went to my cousin's room and told that ballsy Leo chick to kick my ass. And she did lol! I had no idea how the frick I was gonna get me and all my shit from A-B. It hit me, *ding* use your rollerboard flight attendant! So I packed up candles, put newspaper and prayer in and around the glass holders, my pillow, blanket, cards inscence, 3 decks of cards, and pretty cloths for my table, shoved a wad of bread and a Motrin 800mg down my gullet, slapped on my screaming whore red MAC Russian Roulette lipstick and rolled on out the door. My cousin had gotten the cloth fold up chairs out for me. I threw it all in the back of his beat up pick up truck his wife The Leo named The Green Goblin and carried my ass to the store to get a table. I'd looked it up online, called and they said they had it. I drive to the FQ and decide to go to pay to park so I knew I'd find a  space. I knew I could not have even the slightest thing be even a remotely possible reason for me to punk out! I drag my shit to JSq and start to set up and stop short. WTH.... The freakin' table is  SO NOT the one I saw online!! It barely came as high as my knees and was like 1' X 1'! Was this intended for a 3yr old's tea party?! My heart sank a bit, but I was just so proud I had even got this far. I was jsut about to pack up when the husband, Xan, of the nice couple I have become friends with comes over and is looking at me like WTH is that LOL? He then goes over and Willow, his wife who gave me a wonderful reading a couple of weeks ago and encouraged me to come out there, was so kind and let me use one of her tables! They are the nicest people, I'm really happy to be building a friendship with them! Long story short, no sooner than I lit the candles did a woman come and sit down. I was so so nervous, that I was too nervous to remember I was nervous LMFAO! I ended up doing 3 readings. I'd set a goal of leaving by midnight and not without $100. Well, by 11:30pm, I had exactly $100! I'm so pissed I forgot to take pix of my first big night because I had a ball! I've done readings before, but not anything like this. This was the most brave I may have ever been about my tarot career. I'm still in shock. I have had the most f*kd up stomach flu so I haven't been back yet. But on Oct 30, 2011, (the birthday of my mother who would so not approve- tee-hee-hee!) I popped my tarot cherry LMFAO!

So my inner "Yeah But....." is all like, "well... what if that was just a fluke and you totally suck next time hmmm??"
So my I'm going to pull some cards to address that. I will use my Faulkner Tarot since all 3 peeps chose that one out of the 3 decks I had to choose from. (I just knew someone would want The Tarot of Vampyres on Halloween for Pete's sake, but nope)

This is so direct and to-the-point it's as ridiculous as I am about being such a chicken-shit LOL! We got 2 Major arcana and one face out of 3 cards. The elemental dignites are water/water/air. Which in this reading I'd say are perfect; intuition and emotions mixed with logic and communication. Bam.

1. How do I need to see myself as a professional reader now that I did this?- Queen of Cups- This is water of water. She is the nurturer, the compassionate woman who's intuition is almost always spot on. If you ever wanted a card to represent who you are with regard to anything in the psychic realm, other than the mighty High Priestess Herself, this is it!


2. What is blocking me from seeing myself that way?- The Hanged Man XII- The first thing that came to mind was the word " bullshittin'!" As in wasting time, hanging out, not being direct and waiting until I'm under the gun to do shit while I'm all stressed out. This card is ruled by Neptune. Many of us involved with the spiritual side of life tend to not be successful because we get stoned on the big pink smoke machine and glitter of the esoteric like a bunch of 1930's jazz musicians. We just float along and don't remember that time is money, so use one wisely and you will create more of the other one! --- Omg--- It's 00:10 and someone's alarm clock jsut went off, surely by accident, but while I am looking at this card! Talk about your wake up call! Wake up and get my shit together! Treat this as the real profession it is and not like a hobby to pass the time!

3. What card should I focus in whenever I start to doubt mySelf as a professional reader?                         The Magician I Ruled by Mercury, planet of speed and communication. Card that is the Godsmack of a golden opportunity. It says you have everything you need right at your hot little hands to create the result you want. Just focus, believe with every fiber of your being and make the shit happen. It means an amazing new job opportunity. I have amazing chemistry with people more often than not. I make them feel at ease and not judged and am very easy to talk to. I see the path and the bend in it. I don't know where this will take me, but if I don't keep moving I'll neer find out. And the brightness is almost like I'm really outside in the sunshine. There is the path, the boat, the bridge; this will all lead to numerous opportunities that far reach what my narrow vision can see right now. It will take work, but it will be SO worth it!

It's Not About Me On a 22 Day

Today I got an email from an old friend I haven't seen since high school. She hit me up on FB and let me know that our mutual very close friend lost her mom and the funeral is tomorrow, June 23, and she is driving from Atlanta to Savannah this evening. I am in Atlanta, but almost no one knows. I have really withdrawn a lot from life given my financial circumstances. I knew I should be there for my friend, but that means all of the normal questions people ask: "How are you? What are you up to? What do you do?Where do you work? Oh...well what are you going to do??" I.  HATE. THAT. SHIT. !!! It's just like a a reminder in giant red neon letters of how much my life sux!!! So I pulled out the cards. They set my ass straight.

The Lovers VI, Judgement XX, The Hanged Man XII, The Star XVII
The Lovers kinda threw me for a second lol! Then I remembered it has so much to do with making a choice based on your hearts desire and it is ruled by Mercury, the planet of communication. We were all so close back in high school and we haven't seen each other or talked in years beyond a quick hi and bye on FB. The choice from my heart is to be supportive of my dear friend as she goes through one of the most awful things a person can ever endure, the loss of a parent. and her mom was a single mom. And she was such a nice lady. My heart knows that the right thing to do is to show my love and support and to re-connect with both of my friends. Judgement, well, I mean, this is as clear as it gets. A scene with an angel floating over a graveyard to call the departed on to the next phase of existence. The Hanged Man says to me that staying stuck in my rut needs to end. This card is about taking time to pause and reflect, but I know damn well I have done that for far too long! It is also about self-sacrifice for the greater good. I think my shame about my current situation is going to have to be put aside for the love of a friend. (ya think!?) The card at the bottom is The Star XVII, the symbol of hope, light at the end of the tunnel that you know won't be a train, and about healing. It says you have to detach and see the bigger picture. Because where is the best place to see stars? Wherever it is the darkest.

So then I get sign that is total confirmation when I open my FB page and see my FB friend's page. She is an amazing numerologist (link included) and had her post for today's date, the 22nd. It point-blank stated that a 22 day is all about sacrificing your own stuff for the sake of others! So needless to say, I'll be headed to Savannah this evening.

* Now, at the risk of sounding like a crass and selfish jackass....
The Judgement card also represents second chances, often with regard to career or work, and the Star can mean a house move. I wonder what else may be coming from my decision to go to Savannah....

What Do You Want Me To Know Right Now? 3/17/11 @ 3AM

I just asked my cards/The Divine/my guides, "What do you want me to know right now?"
The first card I notice is the 4 of Swords. I kinda think that this means since it's 02:51 I need to carry my tail to sleep! I am such a nocturnal creature so my days and nights are always spun around. Even when I was a flight attendant I picked up every red-eye I could get. I have things to do tomorrow so even though I don't have to get up early per se, I do have to get up earlier than my body will be  pleased with since it's 3am and I'm still wide awake.

The Hierophant V let's me know that this is not just one of my guides, but God/Goddess speaking to me. This card to me is all about The Divine saying "get your shit together. you can b.s. the rest of the world  and maybe even yourself, but not me. So I"m calling you out!" He is the ultimate teacher. And I see the school of fish on the card and with the 8 of pentacles right next to it, I know it's addressing how passionate I am about being a student of the tarot. (There are a lot of earth cards so I know this also means that I can be financially successful at this!)

Another take I am getting is the bird in is hand as the girl is trying to peek at him. She has on a striped shirt in both this card and the 8ofP and that makes me think of Paris and my dream of going to pro make-up school there. "A little bird told me you want to be a student of tarot as well as make-up. So why are you hiding so sheepishly back there and not talking directly to the teacher? Because if you look at who you are in the 8ofP, you can see how much potential for growth you have. And for success. You'll look back on this period of insecurity, fear, and doubt and it will seem so far away because you will be a star for all the world to see. And you to be able to see if you allow yourself to see yourself as a star. That's why it's on your face in the 8ofP. But if you keep lounging all day and not taking action, that you'll be grey like she is in the 4ofSw. Then you'll wonder where the time went. You've got to leave the reef little fish, like Nemo. You have to grow up and take chances or you'll always wonder what else is out there for you."

I felt I needed to pull one more card. It is The Hermit IX. This version of it looks like Jesus to me and makes me think of how he had to go out on his own to find the answers of who he was meant to be and why he was put here to bring enlightenment to the world. Just like Shakumuni Buddha. I want both make-up and tarot to be a means for helping people create joy from within and to share that with the world. The Hermit IX is also tied to the sign Virgo, and school starts in September lol.

The bottom line card is The Hanged Man XII. Only I can get me free from the ropes that hold me back. The guy with the butterfly net is chasing his dreams and he is doing it his way. With a happy red heart on his cheek. 

An Interview With the Tarot of the Sweet Twilight

I just got my Tarot of the Sweet Twilight and couldn't be happier with it! The colors are so vivid and gorgeous! I'll be so glad when I have a scanner so the true beauty of the cards can be seen. They are so dream-like, so rich and vibrant! Looking at them is not like looking at still pictures, but at very slow motion videos. They remind me of a Johnny Depp/Tim Burton colaboration. I think I may have to start reviewing my decks because I have so many and I love them all. But I can say that this one will remain very high on my list of favorites! Anyway, I remembered a spread I saw on the blog of a wonderful lady (a fellow Capricorn--tee-hee hee!) names Lisa from the UK. Please check out her blog, as I have included a link to it. She has created two other blogs and doesn't update this one very often anymore which I am very sad to say because I learned so much from her. But she has tons of entries and is very passionate about tarot as means of healing. This spread is really cool because it gives you a chance to explore what a particular deck has to offer and how to best communicate with it.


        An Interview With the Tarot of the Sweet Twilight
8 of Pentacles: This card jumped out as I was shuffling. This deck will make me a stronger reader, give me the training I need to advance my skills and to finally take it pro. It has a lot to teach me. The pentacles that are buried show my potential for improving my skills. I need to relax and soak up the knowledge.

1. What is your most important characteristic? The Wheel of Fortune X
I own so many decks, had so many ups and downs, been round and round with myself about if I am or ever will be a "good" or "qualified" reader. The first thing that stands out in this card is the little girl's ears. I will be able to hear my guides even better. It will force me to have to listen to them and to trust that they won't let me fall. The Wheel also has a strong association to money, so I'm really feeling that I will use this deck to make money. Is that a broken heart or a set of lips at the bottom of the tree?? It will enable me to speak to people with compassion to bring healing and honesty. This is also my card in numerology that is the sum of my birthday (I forget what it is called) so I have a strong connection to it and the Magician I. This deck is going to prove to be very important to my growth as a reader.

2. What are your strengths? Ace of Swords
Well if this doesn't make all the sense in the world lol. This Ace is all about a new beginning that you may not think you are ready for and may even be forced upon you, so it is kinda scary. But you will be so glad you went for the ride. This deck is so bold, look at the explosion of vibrant colors and the raw emotions. This gorgeous woman is so calm and so confident as she pulls her sword out of its scabbard. This deck is confident so it expects I will honor it by being so as well. It's strength is in cutting through the shit that causes me to doubt myself.

3. Limitations? 9 of Wands
In the LWB it says "the joy of actually making it pushes tiredness into the background." I'm not sure is if this deck has any limits except any that I impose upon it. The girl has the sword in her hands. It's like she has gone from in the Ace of Swords to this place carrying her confidence, or it has carried and sustained her. She has come from those clouds in the background, the dark times of mot having a clear mind or not always knowing where she is going to end up, but she persevered and now she is on top. This woman says there are no limits once you work beyond your fear and doubt.

4. What are you here to teach me? 4 of Cups
Stop moping, get of your ass, and take action. She's sitting on top of the house. I've got to get out of the house and do readings and not just sit here and to them on my computer. Or if I do, branch out and do reading over the web. She has wings, yet she refuses to fly!! And she is fishing from a tiny cup and not from a lake, river or ocean; stop selling myself short and limiting myself.

5. How can I best work with you? Queen of Wands
This Queen is the mover and shaker. She's active and alive. She is all about work and energy. She is a career woman who can balance all the various aspects of her busy life. Here she looks so sad because she is alone and just standing there. This Queen thrives on being busy. The flowers around her head say she has so many beautiful thoughts that deserve to be expressed and shared with others. It reminds me of the most beautiful compliment any man has ever given me, and he is the King of Wands (maybe more of the Knight--grow up please), but he told me "you have the most beautiful mind of anybody I have ever known." I can best work with this gorgeous deck by seeing my own beauty and by by embracing the fact that this is a viable source of income!

6.Potential outcome: Death XIII
Something big is gonna jump of in the next three months. This card is associated with the sign of Scorpio, which is the sign of depth and passion. I am so passionate about tarot and helping others to empower themselves through it. This may be the most beautiful Death XIII card I have ever seen. It's like she is just sleeping and the Grim Reaper is more like experience and wisdom that is carrying her to the next phase, getting her away from the barren surroundings that are so desolate. The potential outcome is awakening me, transforming my gift and breathing life into my readings.

Bottom Line: The Hanged Man XII
Break free from my own self-imposed restrictions. I've been bullshitting for to long. This can be the dawn of a new day for me as a reader, so stop reading damn tarot books and just read the damn cards woman!