SLS- September 22 - Revelation

I can't believe it's already the 22nd of the month. I really wanted to make a post every day. But I've not done that. So I decided to ask my White Rabbit Oracle where I am in the process of learning to cultivate more self-love even though I have not done the methodical, daily work that the Four Queens instructed and  I wanted to do? 

This card makes all the sense in the world to me. Though I haven't done the work for self-love September in the manner in which I wanted to do it, that in no way voids out the work that I have done none the less. The card shows a woman peacefully sitting in lush green grass,tucked away in an alcove with a canopy of white flowers of her head. She wears a garment that looks almost white, but is actually an ever so pale shade of soft pink as her hands are raised to remove an eye mask made of the same fabric. As the card title suggests, what revelation will be made apparent to her when she does? She has chosen to take time to withdraw both physically and mentally to uncover what her inner self wants to reveal to her conscious mind.

I too have taken time out to withdraw in healthy ways. I've been very disciplined about meditating every day. Even if it's only a three minute meditation. And in so doing The means by which to access more clarity calm and focus is definitely becoming more apparent.

Today I exhibited itself love by:

1. Of the past few days I've had to have a few come to Jesus meetings with myself. New Orleans my home. I'm very, very displeased at the fact that I have to be up here in Pittsburgh. But I've had to realize that the more I fight it The more I am wasting energy that could be better directed toward accomplishing the things I need to do so that I can leave Pittsburgh and go back home to New Orleans. So I finally decided to use a present that my cousin gave me but I wanted to wait until I got back to New Orleans to use. It's the most adorable little lamp! It's shaped like a freaking tube of lipstick with the silver case and it totally girly pink lip color! How perfect! And it gives my room the loveliest pink glow. I can feel my heart chakra balancing every time I turn it on. 

2. I didn't energizing morning yoga routine. I found a wonderful new yoga channel on YouTube by the most precious Yogi named Steffie. Her channel is called Tonic Yoga. She's got a fantastic Scottish brogue and a joyous and down-to-earth personality.

3. I made a pot of homemade chicken soup from scratch tonight. Though I chose to make it because my cousin is sick, it was very enjoyable and healing for me to express my creativity and love in this way. I called upon Archangel Raphael to infuse it with his healing energy. 

SLS - Sept 15- 7 of swords

Well. So much for making a post every day LOL. Good grief I'm ridiculous. The task of going through my mothers house is truly a Herculean one. Words truly cannot capture the magnitude of going through the four-story house of someone who had become a hoarder.  But that's another post. 

The day after the last post I made, I accidentally got a job. I wrote about this wonderful blog post and just as I went to add the final picture, I hadn't saved the post. So it all went away. And I was mad as fuck lol. Yes I accidentally got a job. I walked in to get my nails done, walked out with a job.

 Now I swore I would never ever go back to doing nails. I've been licensed to do nail since 1993 and it worked in some posh salon and was even an educator for a product line in Florida. But when I left that career to start my career as a flight attendant I really never want to go back to it again. When will I learn that as soon as you say the word never, the universe laughs in your face and you just sealed your fate that never becomes what you will most definitely end up doing. That's a picture of the first bowls that I've done in about 10 years. Sometimes self-love means toughlove, like a mama who has to kick you out of the nest. I had to really very quickly shut down the voice of doubt and fear, just hard-core ignore it and just jump into the deep end and do the damn thing! As opposed to critiquing what's wrong with them, (I do have to say however that the darkness around her cuticles is hyperpigmentation and not me having butchered them LOL )I'm going to highlight the positive which is equally is true, and that's the fact that they're pretty damn good for someone he's been out of the game for 10 years! So this means I'll only get better!

I could sit here and discuss how pissed off I am that I have not kept up with making a post today or done the self-love September activities that I was so gung ho about. But that brings me to the card for the night. The 7 of swords. This for me is usually the sneaky bastard card and usually refers to a person's actions with regard to another individual. But tonight it really speaks to the swords elemental association of air, thought and communication. More specifically the negative chatter in ones mind and negative self talk. And boy is that part of the brain a sneaky bastard! 

I decided to put one card from the 

White Rabbit Oracle and the one that jumped out is Splendor. What an absolutely magnificent contrast to the 7 of Sw!

They both are surrounded by darkness, one is behaving like a scavenger well the other like a goddess. As Abraham Hicks says, beliefs are just thought to keep thinking. This so clearly depicts how powerful my mind is and how important it is to be aware of negative self talk. Thoughts of doubt or lack or in anyway counteract my quest for self-love can be quieted by thoughts, words or visualizations of myself as a magnificent creature who radiates a sense of splendor the way this woman does. Her proud posture and her graceful hand placement exceed poise and grace. Her lavish crimson evening gown makes a bold statement with regard to her self-confidence and defiant nature. Defining any odds stacked against her or any words or actions meant to undermine her fulfillment of her desires. The beautiful butterfly on her head is like a crown. It makes me think of how many beautiful butterflies Oshun since to me every time I go sit outside! The parrot really stands out in reference to these two cards. It's as though he's flying away from that negative self talk toward the woman who looks on at him very cautiously. As he displays his oh so colorful plumage, what message is he bringing? Because she's looking at him like he do wise to not come at her with some bullshit lest he end up taxidermied as a new headpiece for her next performance LOL! This also feels like more encouragement from the universe for me to pursue my interest with the burlesque community. Both by the fact that I'm brushing up on my manicure skills to adorn the dancers graceful fingertips with rhinestones glitter and pretty polishes, but also for me to fight through The negative self talk and doubt that keeps me from gracing the stage as a dancer myself.

Here are the things I did to practice self left today:

1. I meditated today, twice! I have to remember it's not about doing a 20 minute session in frequently so much as it is about doing a three minute session daily!

2. I made a beautiful hair mask from a YouTube video I found using avocado, honey, and Castor oil. I sat outside allow the sun's want to really have the mask penetrate my scalp and hair. My hair feels so much softer! And I had the treat of seeing numerous butterflies and the most precious black and yellow hummingbird! Interesting because the last time I'm in Bird came up to me was last September while I was in Cornwall! I'll include the picture, but of course capturing a hummingbird with an iPhone was kind of futile. 

3. I watched several videos from this chick Jo Anna DeVoe. She can be kind of obnoxious to be honest, but it's well worth it to get over that because the content of what she has to say is so valuable. And you got a love the fact that this chick is just doing her and not given two shits about what anybody else thinks! She's loving life and completely comfortable in her own skin so fuck with me or anybody else thinks about her somewhat overzealous and goofy nature. Like I am not either and/or both of those at any given moment LOL!? Her YouTube channel is the Kick Ass Witch. (Dammit I wish my phone would do hyperlinks!) I really strongly suggest checking out her videos as well as her blog! When you sign up for her newsletter you get access to her e-book which is in keeping with her very down-to-earth style and loaded with wisdom and ways to take action to creating a better life. 

4. I sent off my money order and renewal form to bring my nail tech license for the Commonwealth of PA up-to-date.

5. Instead of eating spaghetti and meatballs for dinner, I choose to eat half of a ham and cheese sandwich with spinach instead of lettuce and a side of white seedless grapes.

6. I thought through laziness and not having a laptop and made this post. Because even though it's a pain in the ass, the end result is something that I enjoy and feel proud of. 

S LS – Day 2 - Renewal

I decided to make a post each day of self-love September in order to have a record of the action I took for this project.  Today I drew the card entitled Renewal using the gorgeous White Rabbit Oracle. I decided it would be a really good idea to get back to basics in terms of how I learned a new deck. Or I have a deeper understanding and go back to learn and old deck for that matter. So I decided to do Pathwork exercise with this card. The short version of how to do that is basically quieting the mind, focusing on studying the card, and then closing your eyes and either going into that card as if it were a real place or becoming the character on the card. It was a really powerful experience and made me realize how much I need to do that more often. By meditating on the card this way I got several messages. Many of them with regard needing  to really focus on my ancestors altar. That I need to remember that the spirit guides with whom I have the closest connection is my ancestors. Having an altar and working with them gives light in progress to both me and them. I love the woman's posture in this card. She stand so tall and proud. As though she were drawing fresh air or prana deep into her lungs in order to feel renewed and revitalized. Gentle beams of sunlight slice through the shadows as a gust of wind causes her ivory skirt to billow behind her. I'm reminded of something Eric told me a couple of weeks ago. It was one of most beautiful things he has ever said to me and I've known the man my entire life. He said "you shine a lot of light into some very dark places". Yet here she stands and beautiful and powerful solitude. Yet another reminder of how important it is to feed my own spirit first. 

Here are the things I did to practice self-love today:

1. Though I began doing this several months ago, I'm proud that I've kept up with it and it still counts lol. Before I go to bed at night I fill up a large cup with water. They say that there are a multitude of health benefits to drinking a large glass of water as soon as you wake up, from helping all of your organs to work efficiently as well as your nervous system to lubricating your joints. By doing it this way it's right by my bedside so I can't forget when I wake up. I tried to drink four of these per day. 

2. I did a bit of journaling. I got past the fact that I don't have a journal specifically dedicated for S LS yet. I used to know someone that used to tell me all the time "baby, do something, even if it's wrong." There's a lot of validity to that statement. 

3. I did 10 minutes of yoga this morning. Again, getting past the fact that I I feel like I should be doing a much longer practice. I did something because I know that it is definitely an act of self-love. There's a really cool YouTube chick named Allie Kamanova that who has a great channel. She started a 30 day yoga challenge yesterday. Be advised, what Ally calls begin or may be a little different than what you may think it is LOL. I would've preferred to do a we bit of stretching before launching right into downward dog. But hey, I guess that's what self-love is all about, acknowledging what my limits are and deciding if it's best for me to respect them or to push a little beyond them.

https://youtu.be/ClB86KL4b_k

4. I  made myself but on a tiny bit of make up today. Now I'm definitely not a chick you can't leave the house without make up. But it is definitely something that I enjoy doing on a pretty regular basis and makes me feel like a person who gives a damn lol. 

5. I ate a beautiful fresh plum today. I love fruit but I deathly don't eat enough of it. I also ate much smaller portions today. And since I know I need to lose about 15 pounds this is a good thing.

6. I made a business call that I really needed to make. I didn't feel like it, but I gently encourage myself to do it because it is definitely in my best interest to do so.

7. I spent about an hour and a half sitting outside on the back deck. It overlooks a huge expanse of trees. I didn't learn anything from being in the UK last year, I damn sure learned how important it is for me to have my solitude as well as to be in or near nature on a regular basis. As I sat there I journaled about various ways to meditate using Tarot and oracle cards. So now I have that as a reference to always look back on.

365 days later…

No idea why but the blog popped in my head the other day. Today I realize it's been exactly 365 days since I last posted. On this day last year I was still in the UK. There was a mixture of emotions as I'd just left the seaside and my wonderful friends in Cornwall and come back up to Devon. I knew I would soon be leaving the UK. I felt a lot of relief in some respects yet a lot of sadness as I'd come to truly love England and was surprised to felt completely at home there. And as I prepared to go home to New Orleans I felt equal parts joy and trepidation. So much had happened, some wonderful, some traumatic. I'd had the most amazing experience living abroad for four months, a dream come true! Made so many real bonds with people as well as the land itself. I'd also experience the absolute nightmare of my precious dog Selene dying only two weeks after I had left the US.

One year to the day later I find myself back in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania after many many years. After swearing I would never ever come back here to live! I'll be damned if every single city I haven't said I swear I'll never live in again, the universe has not fucked me up and made me eat those words. (Maybe I should start saying I will never ever go to Paris, or London, or Mevsgissey, or Munich. Or the places that I have never been that I want to go to, like saying I will never ever go to Melbourne, or Thailand, or Rio de Janeiro!) 

Oddly enough, I left home from New Orleans only 10 days more than being the exact same date I departed last year. This time I find myself reconnecting with several people I've known my whole life and who mean the world to me. But what brought me up here was giving palliative care for my beautiful mommy the last month of her life.

But that's a story for another time. 

While sitting here thinking about all of that, I decided to shuffle the deck I recently acquired and is very quickly become an absolute favorite! It's the  absolutely stunning White Rabbit Oracle, a self published deck by artist Ariana Siegel that can be found on her Etsy shop or at whiterabbittarot.com. As I shuffled, the car that jumped out was Desire. The scene appears to be Victorian era London. Two lovers are tucked  away in a hidden alcove where they have the opportunity to give in to their deep desire for one another. Outside the world behind them is cold and gray, clouded by apathy, confusion and unfulfillment of stoic and depressed sky and surroundings. But inside the secret cavern there's the candlelit glow of the gaslamp overhead. Here they are able to release their passionate desires and focus only on the beauty and joy that this rendezvous brings. Only the Raven in-flight bears witness witness. It brings to mind some of the beautiful scenes from the seductively gothic,  dark drama Penny Dreadful. Or perhaps this is Edgar Allan and his beloved Eleanor.

I don't think this card having jumped out for me is so much about carnal desires, although I'm sure there's a certain element of truth to that. Being in Pittsburgh has led me to spend an enormous amount of time with my childhood sweetheart, the first boy I ever kissed, my first love that I've known since we were  3 years old, Eric. Instead I think the card is reminding me to embrace the true desires of my heart. The death of my mother has made me truly understand in a very different way how imperative it is to embrace and cultivate the desires of the heart and more importantly those that call to the spirit. The two on the card look like they are in an erotic dance. I was really becoming rooted in the burlesque community of New Orleans and had finally gotten the courage to take my first lesson only two days before I had to come up here unexpectedly. This card is reminding me not to give up on that as well as the need to explore and embrace other things that I truly desire. Being a corporate flight attendant who travels the world and gets paid quite nicely to do so. Taking belly dance classes. Seeking out like-minded individuals and communities who have the same interests as I do that don't fit into mainstream society but call to me on a soul deep level. I really feel the importance of this card having shown itself to me. New Orleans and the French quarter in particular is like the land of misfit toys. It's where the unique, the bizarre and what is misunderstood by the masses is openly displayed and embraced. This card is reminding me to be true to myself in many different ways. To continue to explore and engage in the things my soul desires.