Goodnight Moon - Day 56

There is so much I can say about this card. And this particular Moon is one of my favorite of any card in any deck. I used to sit in class in high school and draw it, having never seen a deck of tarot cards in my life. But I'm so sleepy. So for now I shall say good night. I promised myself I'd make a post a night, no matter how brief.

 

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Cleansing with the Moon - Day 53

Tonight I got the Moon XVIII. There is a massive super moon glowing like a halo behind a very androgynous looking shirtless vampyre. Let's call it a her for tonight. Her arms are extended back as she grabs her cape. She is wearing a soft blue skirt and standing next to cattails growing in tall grasses. I think bullet points will serve me best tonight.

- where am I feeling emotionally vulnerable? Make a list. Burn it.

- do a meditation to a lunar Goddess

- plan out my full moon ritual this week

- release toxic emotions (cattails grow where toxic chemicals are high). I will use the spiritual bath tonight my friend who is an houngan made for me to ensure I've cleansed 2013 negative energy

- romantic energy headed my way??

- Be sure to drink more water.

- create tarot water essence by placing a card who's energy's I want to infuse into my being under a glass of water. Maybe tonight I will do the 10 of cups.

 

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Interview with My Tarot of Vampyres

I am long overdue to interview this incredibly gorgeous deck. When I first saw it was being created a few years ago, I knew I had to have it. Of all the vampire decks out there, none of them really grabbed me like this one. So I am using the spread I first saw the lovely Lisa do on Tarotize. But I put my own little spin on it by shuffling twice. The first time I asked the deck to show me who it actually is by announcing itself with the first court card I pulled.

1. Who are you in the court? Prince of Knives- Wow. I saw this card in my head as I was  shuffling. And to be honest, I really didn't want it. And lo and behold, here it is and now it makes all the sense in the world to me.  I've read that the Knight of Swords is associated with Gemini, and I just cleansed all of my decks in the Gemini full moonlight last night, with special attention placed on this one. After making a certain post I made a few weeks ago, some nasty and out of the ordinary things occurred. It took me over a week to connect the dots, but I realized two critical things: A. I was reminded the hard way that it is imperative to create a protective circle (whatever that means for you. Ask your angles for protection, chant Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo, see yourself in a protective halo of white light, whatever. Just hold in your heart the intention of protection and cleansing) when doing readings that involve others. Especially when you know for an absolute fact that you are pulling the energy of a very angry, nasty, bitter, vengeful, pissed person. I mean come on, what the hell did I expect?? And 2. Ya gotta cleanse your decks from time to time, but most especially after a reading like that. So what does the card have to say?

I tell it like it is, no B.S. And I will speak to you with crystal clarity, as you have already noticed Krysten. You so love dichotomy and you have got it with my Gemini essence, hence the pale pink rose in one hand and the bloody dagger in the other. I cut right to the heart of the matter and sometimes that can get a bit messy. Gotta break a few eggs if you're gonna make an omelette Love. But I am also very loving and compassionate, and passionate about what I am here to do for and with you. I am one of the decks who will force you to think in ways you have not yet been challenged to do with other ones. I've already got you to take Ferol's advice and give a go at reading Rx cards. Not to worry, I will give you very clear messages that you will hear in your mind. Do not doubt when you hear them, I am telling you now that yes, it is me speaking. I want you to look up information on crows and owls. Also those night birds you have seen and heard in the wee hours. It is not a coincidence you have seen so many of them lately. My role is to help you to have the courage to look into the Shadows of Life and yourself and to help others do the same, to face the truth no matter how frightening it may appear at first. Remember, it is always darkest before the dawn. I will show you how to thrive regardless of the conditions. I will shed light for you to find your way.

...........Wow.
I mean really, what more need be said? But let's go ahead and see anyway.

2. Tell me about yourself. What is your most important characteristics?~ 8 of Skulls- I will teach you to become the phenomenal reader you already are, but close your eyes to seeing yourself as. I will work magick for you if you trust me. No killing time with me. Everything will have purpose and meaning that I tell you.

3. What are your strengths as a deck? ~ Rx 3 of Grails- I will stimulate your heart and your mind, force you out of your comfort zone and make you a much stronger reader. Like Hanibal said, "Look inside yourself Clarice" I will make you and your querents find the answers that are within you, but in nontraditional ways. Be forwarned, I will expose vulnerability. My strength is in teaching you to trust me and yourself.

4. What are your limits as a deck? ~ The Moon XVIII- I am only limited by your cutting yourself off of your intuition. I'm not a "by-the-book" kinda gal, pun intended. My limits are answers that don't reflect what your gut tells you to say. Don't try and force me to read in conventional ways. I don't and I won't, it's not who I am. I do what I feel like doing. You should too. Notice what images you are drawn to. Oh yeah, and you know it is not a coinscidence that we came togther in New Orleans, The Crescent City.

5. What are you here to teach me? ~ 10 of Knives- Uh, first, notice the woman's pendant is the Gemini glyph? Just reminding you of that Gemini full moon you cleansed me in and the first card you just pulled. I am here to teach you to stop being victim to the tragedies that have occured in your life regardless of how extreme and life-altering they were. Get busy living, or get busy dying, but do something instead of just lying about like some sort of helpless damsel in distress. I'm a Vampyre. There are reasons why you are so attracted to my kind. We don't die, we are reborn and transition into a completely new way of looking at and experiencing the world. So this birthday that is approaching that you are so overwhelmed by, use it to resurrect your life and learn to truly live the Life you truly want, that your soul is dying without. Being damned is a state of mind you can choose to no longer partake in.

....... ok. You did say you were painfully honest, but damn! Ouch!!

6. How can I best learn from you, how can we best collaborate? ~ Rx Daughter of Grails- (You are killing me with the Rx. Not that you give a damn, I know) - Don't detach from your emotions and get caught up in your head when you read with me. And be patient. Show the same compassion with yourself that you show others. Retreat from the craziness around you and spend time alone with me and so we can meditate together.


7. What is the potential outcome of our relationship? ~ The Hermit  IX Rx- We will bring to life very non-traditional readings. You know that I am not the deck for the average bear. But for those who are willing and who are ready, we will lead the way to hidden wisdom. I will bring out a very wise, old sage within you and we will show beauty to others in the most unlikely of places. That is all I can say at this time, because my dear, you have no idea the depth and magnitude of the places I will take you if you choose to follow me.

Thank you my beloved Vampyre, Prince of Knives

Umm... ok. That was real deep....

The King of Swords Still Gives Me Butterflies

This is actually Saturday's draw. I just asked "what would be the energy of the day". I got the King of Swords as the rockstar and the backup singers were the Magician I and the the Moon XVIII. I got from this that I need to bring out the energies of the KofSw, his logical, direct, to-the-point decisiveness which Goddess knows I lack! Look how confident this KofSw looks. That would play perfectly off the Magician. He looks like even he is in awe of the magick he is creating. Both are ruled by air and the Magician by the planet Mercury which is all about communication and speed. I need to learn to process my thoughts more quickly so I can take more decisive actions and trust myself more to make good decisions. The Magician can show my inner KofSw I have everything it takes to create the results I want. A certain someone who's card is the KofSw and still has a place in my heart (if you've read my blog for a bit then you know who I mean, the one who moved to Australia. You can plat catchup here if you'd like to know more) popped in my head. I thought about his personality and certain risky but very rewarding decisions he made and how they paid off big time. I need to follow his lead in that respect. I just need to calm the negative Moon aspects of fear of the unknown that keep my emotions in control instead of assuming a commanding presence who cuts through the shit, makes moves and gets results. This is also shown by fact that the cards are the elements of air/air/water. This was the message I got when I did the cards early in my day.

While I was out and about I got two signs with regard to that certain someone who was my King of Swords. First sign was a street in Uptown New Orleans that is his first name. About an hour later I got sign number two. One way my guides speak to me is through license plates and I saw one from Colorado, the state he lived in before moving to The Land Down Under. As I drove around Lee Circle I thought about the night we met in the French Quarter and how there was that instant spark of electricity. And I felt it again from thinking about the strong connection we had. Then I felt the pang of dissapointment that there was just too much E.S. (extra shit) going on in both our lives that kept things from working out. Before he moved, we had a really good, very open and honest talk and he made it clear to me that he was really sorry things didn't work out and he knew I'd always be in his heart. I admitted the same. When I got back to the house that night and was puttzing around on FB I saw these really crazy, really cool black boots with the skeleton of a leg and foot on them, like it was an X-ray. I tagged my dear friend Seleus who does the Lotus Flower blog on Nicheren Buddhism in the post. I'll be damned if said Aquarian KofSw didn't click "like" on it! We don't really communicate anymore. He has a g/f and I am very happy for him that he is doing so well and is happy. But I think that we both still have feeelings that stem from all of the "What if's??" so it's just not possible for us to have an actual friendship. But every blue moon he will "like" something I post and I know that is his way of saying hi. It also shows that the connection is still there. And everytime he does, I still get butterflies and think of the night we met and everything that we shared. And I still hear my heart ask, "Man....What if..."

The Fool, The Moon, and the 5 of Swords

Ok, so it's the end of the day, but here's what I got, and it's kinda funky to me. Especially since I went over to my old residence and got more of my belongings. Now I must say, things went FAR better than I anticipated. I guess we are supposed to just act like nothing ever happened and we are all hunky-dory....what the hell ever man. She is quite clearly fine with the decision she made to tell me I needed to find another place to stay. Over the phone. Initially in a text msg. While I was 800 miles away. Without the slightest provocation. (Or so she says. Obviously;  she was provoked.) I have been praying very hard to forgive, meaning to let the hurt go and not carry it around like a medal on my chest. But our friendship will never be the same.

So having said all that, the cards I got just now are as follows: The Fool 0, The Moon XVIII, and the 5 of Swords. WTH!? The Fool is all about new beginnings, a fresh start in life. And the gypsy meaning is "new home". Well we see the validity of that! The first thing my eye was drawn to was the dark little island. I see it and I feel cold and closed in and alone. It looks like I'm just trapped by all that water. And then to be next to The Moon? Not making me feel any better. You need to understand that The Moon has always been one of my two favorite cards in any deck (the other is the High Priestess II, and too has a very strong connection to the moon.) I've always loved the moon that sits up in the sky. For as long as I can remember I've felt compelled to stare and the moon, literally drawn to Her. I have done what is called "drawing down the moon." For those of you who don't know what that is, I can make another post at some point to explain it. (I talk like I actually have even one follower on this damn blog lol) For those of you who do, then you know how much I love and respect the Moon. But to see it placed next to The Fool and the fact that I didn't get a good vibe from that card is not making me feel the usual love I get from the sight of this card. Does The Fool next to The Moon mean "new beginning or start to uncovering the truth"??  To add insult to injury, the freakin' nasty nasty 5ofSw is the other card!!! Eewww!! Or maybe Yikes!! To quote Rhiannon, "the massive argument card. No winning with this one. People absolutely attacking each other and they look absolutely evil! There's no good side." The Moon in it's "darker" aspect is trickery, lies, deception, hidden truths, and just plumb crazy madness. I see Uncle Al on the 5ofSw and his cigarette hanging out of his mouth and I am instantly remembering the scene in the Clint Eastwood movie Grand Torino (absolutely one of the best movies I've ever seen!!!) where that horrid little asshole kid attacks and burns one of the main characters in the face with his cigarette. One of the basic points to the plot was how destructive and cruel racism is. This particular scene was not about racism, but about just being cruel and a horrible bully to hurt someone because they won't do something bad or wrong that you want them to do. I will have to keep this in my mental Roladex of interpretations of the 5ofSw because that is exactly what this card is all about.

This reading is showing me that my suspicions about the situation with my former roommate are dead on. There are 2 majors out of only 3 cards because this was a very major event in my life and I have a lot of lessons I am learning. Her boyfriend is in fact a racist and and bully. The bad or wrong thing he wanted her to do was to throw me out. They have had the physical altercations that are pictured in the card. They both smoke. He has dark hair, she has light. She and I would have a wonderful day together, then he'd come over, as he did every single day, and the entire tone of the house would change. I'd stay closed up in my room, her in hers, him out in the living room being all miserable. That's why I saw and felt what I did in The Fool card, and why it was time for me to get out of that dark, closed off place. And how she felt too. The Moon just confirms that his shady ass is that hidden element that is at the root of our friendship being so damaged. And believe me when I say that both the emotional and the physical issues are very much kept secret! No one really has any idea of how bad this situation really is between the two of them. Now that I am trying to see the card combination meaning, The Moon in a reading (and damn sure it it is next to!) the 5ofSw to me says emotionally abusive relationship all day long!!! And then you wanna have The Fool next to that! It makes that card go from a wonderful new thing to meaning actually "playing the fool".  And the 0 on the card makes me think of emptiness, worthlessness, no value, and a place holder. Like, "I'd rather have this worthless zero in my life as a place holder than to face the emptiness I feel from being alone."

So something made me go to the Tarot Eon blog.....

The bottom card is the 7 of Wands. This shows the stress of this messed up situation. It also shows how torn I am. The 7 of Wands is a card of valor and honor. Of standing up for what you know is right regardless of how difficult it may be. I am so torn. There is a huge part of me that still loves my old room mate dearly and wants to protect her. There is an even bigger part that has tried for a year and a half to protect her and help her to see the reality of her situation and numerous times she has let shown me with crystal clarity she is choosing to stay in this relationship at all costs. I did everything I could do, even to my own detriment. Maybe she feels the same way about me. All I can do now is hope she will make better choices. Somehow, I sadly do not think she will.

For the love of God; guess who just text me. Like it's just another day, telling me a funny little story, like nothing bad ever happened. You gotta be kidding me....