Rabbit Heart in a Taurus Full Moon

"Holding on to anger is like holding on to a hot coal with the intension of throwing at another"
~Nichiren Diashonin

I have heard the call of the Goddess so strongly since I got back to New Orleans. I have been practicing Nichiren Buddhism for the past 2 years. I am so happy that I did. But She has called me back and it is a feeling down deep in my soul.

My 40th birthday is right around the corner. I have been dreading it because I feel SO unaccomplished in my life. Nothing is as I'd have hoped at 39. But I finally have turned the corner on my feelings about that. Like my grandfather used to say, "If you don't like getting old, try the alternative" My friend Willow suggested I do a banishing spell so I have a clean slate to do a spell on the new moon to bring the things into my life that I want. So I have done a very simple but powerful spell. I haven't been a practicing witch in several years so I no long have alter supplies. Plus where I am it is very difficult to do spell work. Here are the items I used:

writing paper
1 silver candle
olive oil            
sea salt
lemon zest
1/2 & 1/2
a white paper plate
purple ink pen
tarot cards- the High Priestess II, 9 of pentacles, Empress III. Ace of Wands, Ace of Pentacles, 6 of swords, and The Hierophant V

I sat down and I wrote a letter of forgiveness to everyone I harbor any resentment or anger toward. It was actually not as hard as I expected it would be. (I guess once a week for 4 years with a shrink actually does pay off. Humph.) But I just let it rip, anyone or thing that I still had beef with. The Scorpio ex b/f, the airline I used to worked for, my parents, previous roomates. (And if you've read any of my posts from Feb-June, then you know that bullshit was real hard to do!) Even the individual who date raped me when I was 19 and took my virginity. I didn't even realize that was still an issue at this point in my life. Not a big one, but there is still some anger and hatred no doubt. But 20 years is a really long time to be pissed off no matter how good of a reason. It was a bit of a challenge to not be judegmental and to also assume responsibility for my part in things when needed, yet not blame myself for things that were not my fault or beyond my control. And that brings me to the most important person I had to forgive- ME! All 5 of them crazy chix in my dome! I have to banish the self-doubt, anger and negative feelings about myself, my life. It's like... it's like being an emotional hoarder. Let that shit fucking go man! Free your mind, your ass'll follow! I'm sick and tired of being prisoner to Fear and Doubt. They got ta go!

You will notice the big shiny reflection of the counter top. Normally that would drive me crazy and get cropped, but when I was taking the pix it looked just like the full moon shining down. So I kept it.

So I wrote my letters/notes. Then I selected the cards that coincide with my intention and with the energy of a Taurus full moon.
The HP II because I want to stop doubting my self and my intuition. I have more than enough life experiences at this point that I damn sure can start to have complete trust in myself! And how gorgeous is she in this deck, plus the full moon on it.
 9ofP beacuse I want to be an indpendant, self-sufficient woman who has a wonder home and is secure and comfortable within her own skin. Plus this card represents the 9 disks in my back that bothered me for so long. And we all know how much I love black cats and Catwoman. This is my all time favorite 9ofP!
The Empress because she is associated with Taurus, but more so because I have never had kids because if fear and doubt. Fear of loosing my independance and personal freedom and fear of finances, another Taurus issue. Also because I recently found out that at 38 I started menopause. Are you fucking kidding me... But my gut tells me don't believe it as far as fertility. If I choose that I really want one, I will have one. I've decided I do since I have been around a baby everyday for 2 months. But that'll be in another post.

AofW- again the mom issues and creating the life I want in general and having it filled with passion and energy. And the fertility aspect. This may just be the most gorgeous AofW I have ever seen!
AofP- Taurus and money security issues. I want to remove my negative and false ideas about money and prosperty in general.

The Hierophant V Rx- Ruled by Taurus and all about following what God/Goddess direct you to do. Also about not being a slave to what society says is "right". I felt this version really captured that.
6ofSw Rx- I've made posts about how this version looks like the guy in the front is Fear and the one in back is Doubt and they are keeping this powerful creature enslaved. I want to move on to a better life and freedom from negativity. I don't ususally use Rx cards but for this spell I did on these last two because these are things I want to banish. I just took the picture right-side-up so we can see what the cards look like.

I have my silver candle burning right now as I type this out. That way I am further infusing it with my intent, which is what magick is all about. If you want to know more about casting spells, check out Rowan Pendragon's site. She is amazing and a wealth of knowledge.

*this was actually done on 11/11/11 though it is being posted a day later

I have been listening to Florence + The Machine while I have been sitting here. I love their music so much. Rabbit Heart I think is perfect for this! Because I will no longer be a rabbit-hearted girl! (Lyrics below the video.)

FLORENCE + THE MACHINE LYRICS

"Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)"

The looking glass, so shiny and new
How quickly the glamour fades
I start spinning, slipping out of time
Was that the wrong pill to take? (Raise it up)

You made a deal, and now it seems you have to offer up
But will it ever be enough? (Raise it up, raise it up)
It's not enough (Raise it up, raise it up)

Here I am, a rabbit hearted girl
Frozen in the headlights
It seems I've made the final sacrifice

We raise it up, this offering
We raise it up

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

I look around, but I can't find you (raise it up)
If only I could see your face (raise it up)
Instead of rushing towards the skyline (raise it up)
I wish that I could just be brave

I must become a lion hearted girl
Ready for a fight
Before I make the final sacrifice

We raise it up, this offering
We raise it up

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

Raise it up, raise it up
Raise it up, raise it up

And in the spring I shed my skin
And it blows away with the changing wind
The waters turn from blue to red
As towards the sky I offer it

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

This is a gift

Mabon 2011

I am still such a witch at heart. I practice Nichiren Buddhism now, but I will always be a witch. The word "sabbath" comes from the Celtic word "sabbat". In the Wheel of the Year there are eight sabbats, or days of high celebration based on the seasons. Most years September 21st is called Mabon, but this year it will fall on the 23rd. This holiday is  the Autumnal Equinox and marks the beginning of fall and is the witch's Thanksgiving and special rituals are performed to give honor to the God and Goddess. For more information, check out Rowan Pendragon's wonderful blog. So I decided to do a spread based on the meaning of this holiday.









~Magickal Graphics~

1. Where am I now in my life?                                                                                
2. What do I need to be most thankful for right now?
3. What do I need to respectfully let go of?                                            
4. What else is still left for me to harvest?                          
5. What do I need to complete before Samhain (Halloween)?
6. How can I get the best possible results?    
      
                                                          2    

                                             4             6          5




                                                  1             3                                            
(laid out in the shape of a star)

1. King of Wands- ok, this is most definitely one of the last cards I would have thought I'd have gotten in this position because kings are all about success and accomplishment. And right about now, I ain't too accomplished or successful. But as I studied the card, I see the mirror behind the king. I am now doing a lot of reflecting on ways to create the life I want, one lived with passion and joy. As I look at this king's face, he looks kinda sad and depressed. I'm not sad or depressed now, but I dang sure am not setting the world on fire. I'm going to have to give more thought to why this card came up in this position. Maybe it means I'll get hired for the flight attendant position I applied for.

2. Queen of Swords- I think this is my trainer/physical therapist who is a QofSw/Aquarius. I am so thankful for how far she has brought me in regaining my physical health and strength!! She's an air sign, assertive and very focused and goal oriented. I know my earth sign, much slower paced behavior can drive her crazy!! She is a wonderful friend to me who has been an angel in so many ways.

3. The Hierophant V- I need to let go of worrying so much about getting things "right"!! What will others whom I see as being in positions of authority think of me. I need to let go of any guilt I feel for not being where I "should" be in my life. The yellowish-brown sky is making me think I need to do work with  my solar plexus charkra. That is the chakra of personal power.

4. 8 of pentacles- The first thing I notice is the castle wall; I need to have a safe haven, a true home for myself. For some reason the blocks looked like bones for a second. I need to continue working on strengthening my spine. The 8ofP is also about training, education. I think this shows me getting invited to go to F/A training, which would be fantastic.

5. 3 of wands- I first notice that this angle is looking back and card 4, looking back at training, and the 3ofW is about things coming together, signing a contract, a deal made, creative forces coming together. Since training is 5 weeks, I can't be finished with it by Oct 31. I notice the steps the angel is on and her beautiful clothes. I need to take all necessary steps to be ready for training. Practice interview techniques, learning the 3-letter city codes, and having a couple of interview suits. I also wonder if that means I am going to the Witches Ball in New Orleans on Halloween and I need to get my ball gown.

6.Chariot VII- Be more decisive and stop letting my emotions run me ragged. I've got to stop getting all caught up in how things are going to work out when I can't see the how and just focus on why and how awesome it will look and feel when they do.
                                          

Wake Up

As I was shuffling The Hierophant V jumped out. I immediately felt like it was the goddess Freya talking to me and telling to listen up.

The first thing I hear Her saying is from the 4 of Swords. Get off my ass and do something. And since the rest of the cards are all pentacles, it's about me making some damn money in spite of my back injuries. Pentacles are about money, but also health as well as tangible results. I see Jayne sitting at the table weighing out her money on the 7 of Pentacles. She's got coins, not dollars, kinda like me lol. But it's gonna take a hell of a lot more than some coins to get that house pictured on the 10 of Pentacles. (which oddly enough looks like Helen's house that I currently live in.) Which I so desperately want! I mean my own home. And a nice big house. Not because I want a big house just for the sake of saying I have a great big house. That just means more to clean! The only time I didn't have a room mate (damn did I learn to love that!)  was my apartment I had after Katrina forced me to leave my beloved New Orleans. It was a 450 sq ft little studio. After the big beautiful home I finally realized I was sharing with someone I SO needed to remove myself from, and then 8 months later losing my apartment I had moved to in New Orleans, my little tiny abode was heaven on earth. 3 of my friends were so wonderful and painted it for me in shades of purple and silver and I loved it. As tiny as it was everyone always commented on how warm and inviting it was, and also how safe it felt. I was a practicing witch at the time an had done some heavy magick to create that feel. So though it was a small little cheese box, it was a mansion to me. But I do want a sizable home, because I want to have enough room so that I can offer any of my friends and family a home when they are going through a major transition in life the way that people have done for me.  10's are about starting over, being in a transition, just as I currently am.  The 10ofP is also about leaving a legacy behind, something for posterity. Even though I am not a mom, according to Rhiannon's tarot readings I will be, God help me lol! At 39, I ain't seein' that!! But either way, I'd want to leave something for my loved ones.  But Freya is reminding me that if I don't get off my ass and do the hard work, I won't make that transition. There are so many earth cards that are trapping the air. Too stuck, to sedentary to allow ideas to flow. No fire means no energy, no drive (so sad, but so true). I think the lack of water cards means I need to feel more hope about my situation, maybe even more self love. Feel like I deserve to have the things in life that I want and need.

Freya says it's time to wake up.

*while I was in the middle of typing this earlier today, one of my dearest friends called me and told me of something going on in her life that is different from my situation but that these cards very strongly reflect. But she's a Queen of Swords, so nothing will keep her down for long lol.

Even though this song has a different meaning, it's what I heard in my head, and I going to start doing as my guides advise.