Owning My Own Epic Greatness

I decided to try Lisa's Owning Your Own Epic Greatness spread. Elementally I see I am odds with myself because fear (cups) extinguishes my enthusiasm (wands). I'm not grounded enough in the mundane world of logic and cutting the bullshit (one earth, no air)

1. My greatest fear about owning my own epic greatness? - Rx 10 of wands - my greatest fear is how to break out of the prison of fear. This also shows my fear of hurting my back again. Also the fear of having to assume responsibility and getting overwhelmed.

2. Challenge to overcome this fear- My glorious Rx High Priestess II - I have to push past the boundary of indecision, that constant nagging fear of "getting it wrong". I need to trust myelf more and see myself as the powerful woman that so any others see me as. So many people are drawn to me, tell me their deepest, darkest most sacred secrets. Things that could change or even ruin life as they know it.

3. Let go - The World XXI - At first this threw me for a loop, but I realize it is the negative people or situations that are around me at times. If we are all mirrors reflecting the people in our lives, then that means those negative aspects that are within me. My being stubborn and ridged in my approach. My being focused on what why things will go wrong and not why they will go right. My ego and its many bruises. Not believing on magick, especially my own. And not celebrating my accomplishments. Anyone who mirrors this I need to remove from m orbit. Even if they are really good people that I care about.

4. New channel of support - Rx Princess of Cups - Waiting, ever so patiently, with so much kindness and love are brings in both the mundane and the esoteric realm. They are committed to supporting me in any creative, intuitive, or emotional means of expression. And to learning to have consistent inner peace, regardless of what is going on around me.

5. Leadership responsibility - Ace of Wands - Wowww. A whole new way of living and leading others from the darkness of fears similar to my own. Spiritual liberation born from creating hope.

I need to marinate on the depth of this...

But I can say that I have taken steps toward all of this in the past week. Lets see

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A New Dawn, A New Day

Today marked the definitive ending of a very long, very unpleasant situation, and I am happier than words can say that this chapter is now officially a part of my past. (Thank you Jesus, Mary and Joseph! And Freyja, Tyr, Odin and The Buddha too because I damn sure was assisted by all of you through this!)I have learned a great deal during this process, including learning how to stop asking the question "Why?" and start asking "What?" "How?" I swear "Why?" is a Capricorn thing, a huge part of our mission in this incarnation. I have discovered that why can be quite debilitating and how and what tend to be far more empowering.

So when I did my daily draw with my Tarot of Vampyers  for meditation I was not at all shocked but so pleased to get the confirmation from the Universe of the theme of the day. I usually do one card and write about it in my journal, but I was guided to do a 3 card RockStar. Here is what the Goddess had to tell me.

Lead Singer - Ace of Scepters (Wands) -  My face lit up when I saw this card and a sense of accomplishment came over me. Today was all about a new beginning that has been fueled by many things. That fierce red signifies a whole lot of pain as do the thorns of the rose bushes. The pain of my spirit being weighed down by a whole lot of heavy burdens as well as actual excruciating physical pain. That cross shows the pain of my faith being TESTED! And I have no shame in being totally honest in saying there where times when my faith was burned to a crisp. Times when I had lost any kind of hope. But those bright crimson roses signify power, excitement and the vitality of life.I have grown so much through all of this. Everyone has their own proverbial crosses to bear. I am beyond grateful for the love and encouragement I have constantly gotten from the many wonderful people in my life who love and believe in me. Who never lost faith in me, even when I did. The AofW is like that first  spark of this suit, the flame at the tip of a match. So I have to remember to continue to breath fresh air filled with excitement for the new possibilities it holds for me.

Back-up #1 - Daughter of Knives (Page of Swords) -  This card is also spot on. Today did involve very direct communication and signing legal documentation. I love this version of the PofSw. She is a serious kick-ass babe with her Doc Martin's on. And again, pages are represent new beginnings. The glow in the forest behind her is shining from the bright glow of that Ace.

Back-up #2 - 10 of knives (10 of swords) - Yet another dead on card (ok, bad pun lol) Today's date is the 10th. It is done! O-va! Stick a fork in it! I see her Gemini glyph. Again the theme of communication and finding balance before you loose your damn mind. Combined with the Sun carved into the bedpost shows new light and new life shed. It looks like the Daughter of Knives is looking over and this card. That'd be me thinking of how I really thought at times that this shit was gonna kill me! I often see this card as a person having 3 choices. #1. You can be a victim in the situation. A lot of times we actually are the victim. The question is if we are going to choose to stay in that frame of mind and be a victim. Then there is #2, the choice of whether we are going to adopt the behavior of the assassin. Are we going to allow our own pain, anguish and resentment to fester and lead us to behaving like a bitter victim. When we don't learn how to transform suffering into enlightenment we live in the life condition of Hell. That bitterness is toxic and can cause us to find false power in becoming an assassin. Both of those usually have a whole lot of "Why's!?!" attached.
The other choice is to recognize those options and realize that both lead to self-torture. So that leaves us with the choice #3, of accepting the nature of the number 10. It is a transitional phase between the ending of the 9 and the fresh new start of a 1/Ace. This choice means we ask "How can I transform mySelf, my Life. Both in spite of AND because of this situation?" "What can I do in spite of how fucked up things are that will give me even a slightly better result than the one I got right now?"

*I took this picture at least 7 times with several different settings. I have no idea why it is so crappy because it is NOT showing the true beauty and vibrant colors of this deck *

Drummer - The World XXI - I mean really, what more need be said. But in case there is anyone who is new to tarot, I shall explain a bit. This is the end of the major arcana. It is about having gone through a tremendous amount of major life lessons that are now behind you. Many of which involved circumstances beyond our control. When this card comes up, I find you get a minute to breath. See how she is reared back holding the serpent? She is far more flexible in how she sees life and she has learned to face her fears and use them to her advantage. She's sitting on top of the World right now basking in the cosmic energy that surrounds her and runs through her. The bite mark on her neck says she is no victim. She has gone through a massive transformation. Whether she chose the conditions of how it came about is of no consequence to her. That would be a "Why?" Her focus is on being blissfully content with who she has become.
The flowerless vines beneath her remind her/me that there is still much more work ahead. Through this situation that the reading speaks to, I have really come to accept that there is no ending to bad, unfair, or unpleasant situations. But there is no end to the wonderful, inspiring, joyful, blissful ones either. Maybe even the fact that there is no "good" nor is there "bad" Like this 10ofSw. It is usually seen as a "bad" card. One of the worst in the deck fact. And here it signifies a very welcomed ending. Maybe the Buddhists are right. There is no bad. There is no good. Shit just.... is. I think that this gorgeous Vampyress has figured out this key mystery of this life and that is why she was chosen to grace The World card. Maybe she knows that this is what it means to truly live in The World. To have reached Nirvana.

Your Disastrous Dream Come True

I'm trying a spread from a new lady I found on FB, Living Tarot. At first I was having a really hard time with the cards I got. I started to talk it out and then it started to fall into place.
EXERCISE~ YOUR DISASTROUS DREAM COME TRUE~ Pull out your deck. Shuffle, while thinking "Which past dream come true in my life has brought me the most disastrous results?" Lay down the Five Card Spiritual Commentary: Card 1 = Short Answer~ Cards 2,3,4 = Long Answer~ Card 5 = Spiritual Commentary.

First thing I notice: NOT A FIRE CARD IN SIGHT!


The first category is Air- This is about my way of thinking and how I deal with stress.
The second category is Earth, Earth, Water--There are 2 earth cards and 1 water. This grouping says to me not to let my emotions keep me stuck. Also the earth shows how money and health are in question.
The third category is Air- Again, it all comes back to changing my mindset and how I deal with stress.

Short answer: Card 1--4 of Swords- The first thing I notice is her back and that she is laying down resting, so this is about my back injury.

Long Answer: Card 2,3,4-- Knight of Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles and 2 of Chalices 
The first thing I see is the QofP which is my card since I'm a Capricorn. I see the lotus blossoms so this says to me that my Buddhist practice is a large part of this issue. I didn't start practicing until after I fell. I often see the huge object behind her as the moon, but today it's a pearl, as in wisdom, or a gift. Also the connection of pearls and Japan and Nichiren Buddhism being from Japan. I'm thinking of how a pearl is made from that grain of sand that is a major irritation for the oyster but creates something so precious and beautiful. So I need to realize that though I am pretty badly injured, in the grand scheme of my life, it is but a minor irritation that will have great benefit if I can adopt the Buddhist way of thinking that obstacles are really benefits if we turn poison into medicine. The Queen is holding a pentacle so I'm thinking I need to do more reiki on myself and somehow get massages and other forms of hands on healing. The Knight of Pentacles is about patience in creating tangible results and God knows that has been the case. He looks pissed and is moving away from the Queen. The KntofP is here to remind me tht diligence and hard work are what gets tangible results. As if to say my inner pissed off teen-ager needs to grow up and not turn away from the mature part of myself who wants to grow up and be a woman with roots and stability, but to listen to her advice and to not give up. With this serious of an injury, I will always have to work very hard at keeping my spine in good shape. Since the knight has wings and is is on that flying fish over rough seas, it is making me think about how much I miss being a flight attendant. The caduceus on the 2 of Chalices confirms for me that this is the medical situation that has had such an emotional impact on my life. Why is she letting go of the flowers? I can't let go of my dreams and just stay in bed. And this has been a great way for me to learn who I am in order to find the right man for me. We often talk of wanting our soul-mate. I've learned that as imperative as love and passion are for me, I've always missed the mark on compatibility. In this version of the 2ofC they look to be total opposites, yet still seem so well matched. A lot of times opposites do attract, and one of the few marriages I know of that I think is truly rock solid are two people who on the surface are as opposite as two humans can get. But their core values, beliefs and desires are the same. I think the only way for me to find that is through really knowing who I am at my core. And being injured has given me a whole lot of time to do a lot of soul searching.

Spiritual Commentatry: 6 of Swords--The angel is saying to me to forgive myself and that will break those chains I see that are keeping her/me from flying. I have to take off that blindfold and face these two characters who I am allowing to keep me bound and holding me hostage. And I can see who they are and know their names as well as I know my own! That asshole in front is Fear and the one in back is that jackass Doubt! Look at his face! The traditional meaning of the 6ofSw is about moving onto a better place or situation. If I want to do that, I've got to change my mindset and and stop focusing on the stressful and painful things I'm dealing with and allowing them to hold be captive. I even think it means I am to be a flight attendant again, only this time recognizing my worth and having an employer who does as well.

The card at the bottom of the deck is The World XXI-- What a wonderful card and this deck has such a beautiful interpretation of it. Life is about cycles, life lessons to be experienced, learned, and then move on to the next cycle. Sometimes there will be tears shed, and lots of them, but don't let that negate all of the beauty in this world, and as corny as it sounds, keep looking up to the stars, your hopes and dreams. This card also confirms that I am so meant to travel the globe and bring beauty to it. One way is through being a make-up artist. But also the beauty of my spirit that will be enhanced through the lives I touch and who touch mine. If I forget the lessons or don't even learn the lessons I'm supposed to through the back injury, I will be short changing myself as well as the many others who lives I'm supposed to touch by sharing my experiences and bringing them encouragement.