A New Dawn, A New Day

Today marked the definitive ending of a very long, very unpleasant situation, and I am happier than words can say that this chapter is now officially a part of my past. (Thank you Jesus, Mary and Joseph! And Freyja, Tyr, Odin and The Buddha too because I damn sure was assisted by all of you through this!)I have learned a great deal during this process, including learning how to stop asking the question "Why?" and start asking "What?" "How?" I swear "Why?" is a Capricorn thing, a huge part of our mission in this incarnation. I have discovered that why can be quite debilitating and how and what tend to be far more empowering.

So when I did my daily draw with my Tarot of Vampyers  for meditation I was not at all shocked but so pleased to get the confirmation from the Universe of the theme of the day. I usually do one card and write about it in my journal, but I was guided to do a 3 card RockStar. Here is what the Goddess had to tell me.

Lead Singer - Ace of Scepters (Wands) -  My face lit up when I saw this card and a sense of accomplishment came over me. Today was all about a new beginning that has been fueled by many things. That fierce red signifies a whole lot of pain as do the thorns of the rose bushes. The pain of my spirit being weighed down by a whole lot of heavy burdens as well as actual excruciating physical pain. That cross shows the pain of my faith being TESTED! And I have no shame in being totally honest in saying there where times when my faith was burned to a crisp. Times when I had lost any kind of hope. But those bright crimson roses signify power, excitement and the vitality of life.I have grown so much through all of this. Everyone has their own proverbial crosses to bear. I am beyond grateful for the love and encouragement I have constantly gotten from the many wonderful people in my life who love and believe in me. Who never lost faith in me, even when I did. The AofW is like that first  spark of this suit, the flame at the tip of a match. So I have to remember to continue to breath fresh air filled with excitement for the new possibilities it holds for me.

Back-up #1 - Daughter of Knives (Page of Swords) -  This card is also spot on. Today did involve very direct communication and signing legal documentation. I love this version of the PofSw. She is a serious kick-ass babe with her Doc Martin's on. And again, pages are represent new beginnings. The glow in the forest behind her is shining from the bright glow of that Ace.

Back-up #2 - 10 of knives (10 of swords) - Yet another dead on card (ok, bad pun lol) Today's date is the 10th. It is done! O-va! Stick a fork in it! I see her Gemini glyph. Again the theme of communication and finding balance before you loose your damn mind. Combined with the Sun carved into the bedpost shows new light and new life shed. It looks like the Daughter of Knives is looking over and this card. That'd be me thinking of how I really thought at times that this shit was gonna kill me! I often see this card as a person having 3 choices. #1. You can be a victim in the situation. A lot of times we actually are the victim. The question is if we are going to choose to stay in that frame of mind and be a victim. Then there is #2, the choice of whether we are going to adopt the behavior of the assassin. Are we going to allow our own pain, anguish and resentment to fester and lead us to behaving like a bitter victim. When we don't learn how to transform suffering into enlightenment we live in the life condition of Hell. That bitterness is toxic and can cause us to find false power in becoming an assassin. Both of those usually have a whole lot of "Why's!?!" attached.
The other choice is to recognize those options and realize that both lead to self-torture. So that leaves us with the choice #3, of accepting the nature of the number 10. It is a transitional phase between the ending of the 9 and the fresh new start of a 1/Ace. This choice means we ask "How can I transform mySelf, my Life. Both in spite of AND because of this situation?" "What can I do in spite of how fucked up things are that will give me even a slightly better result than the one I got right now?"

*I took this picture at least 7 times with several different settings. I have no idea why it is so crappy because it is NOT showing the true beauty and vibrant colors of this deck *

Drummer - The World XXI - I mean really, what more need be said. But in case there is anyone who is new to tarot, I shall explain a bit. This is the end of the major arcana. It is about having gone through a tremendous amount of major life lessons that are now behind you. Many of which involved circumstances beyond our control. When this card comes up, I find you get a minute to breath. See how she is reared back holding the serpent? She is far more flexible in how she sees life and she has learned to face her fears and use them to her advantage. She's sitting on top of the World right now basking in the cosmic energy that surrounds her and runs through her. The bite mark on her neck says she is no victim. She has gone through a massive transformation. Whether she chose the conditions of how it came about is of no consequence to her. That would be a "Why?" Her focus is on being blissfully content with who she has become.
The flowerless vines beneath her remind her/me that there is still much more work ahead. Through this situation that the reading speaks to, I have really come to accept that there is no ending to bad, unfair, or unpleasant situations. But there is no end to the wonderful, inspiring, joyful, blissful ones either. Maybe even the fact that there is no "good" nor is there "bad" Like this 10ofSw. It is usually seen as a "bad" card. One of the worst in the deck fact. And here it signifies a very welcomed ending. Maybe the Buddhists are right. There is no bad. There is no good. Shit just.... is. I think that this gorgeous Vampyress has figured out this key mystery of this life and that is why she was chosen to grace The World card. Maybe she knows that this is what it means to truly live in The World. To have reached Nirvana.

If I Was My Vampyre

The Tarot of Vampyres is one of my most beloved decks. The images are hauntingly beautiful, so filled with depth and meaning. I absolutely love how it has the perfect blend of darkness and light. Lots of onyx-tinted hues of greens and greys to enhance the rich crimson, emerald and blue-violette. The artist Ian Daniels captures so much emotion and passion in the expressions of their faces and you can all but feel the smoothness of the satin and lushness of the velvet of their gowns and feel the mist that blows past. I.  Love.  This.  Deck.
I've been wanting to do a very cool reading that Chloe of Inner Whispers created and Lisa of Tarotize did as well that depicts My Life As a Vampyre.

                                                                 *click photo to enlarge*

1. What would I be like? - 6 of Grails - I first notice that this card is the Sun in Scorpio. I would be an extremely  passionate creature who would reminisce about certain aspects of my humanity, primarily my loved ones who I would have to leave behind, wouldn't understand or accept my choice,  or I'd have to watch age and die and move on to a different realm from me.  Yet I would still completely embrace and accept my new existence. I would be able to release so many fears that keep my paralyzed and constrict the freedom my soul longed for as a human. I would learn to use my fears as tools to enhance my existence. I notice how this vampyre looks like a younger girl and she is looking at the Empress next to her. I think I would be a mother. Little goth vampyre wee ones LOL.

2. What aspect of my human existence would be magnified? - The Lovers VI - I think I would be more at ease with the choices I made, especially given the insight from the last card. My husband and I would have chose to go through the transformation together.

3. What would I struggle with/fear the most? - 5 of Knives - In reality, my Venus is in Aquarius, which is the astrological association of this card. I would be afraid I would be too trusting of other creatures of the night. And that I would have be in conflict with other vampyers who would expect me to have no regard for any human life. Others would feed at any cost. I couldn't harm innocents. I'd be more of a Dexter type of vampyre. Hunt evil warlords in the Congo.

4. What would I strive to accomplish? What would motivate me the most? - 10 of Knives - I would strive to "live" my new "life" to the fullest, and to make damn sure some psycho, right-wing holy-roller didn't stake me! I 'd be motivated by the ending of a life where sickness, disease, physical pain (back pain) are a given. I'd be motivated by the far greater possibility of immortality.

5. What would I excel at or embrace? - The Empress III - A nod to card #1. I'd embrace being a mother. And excel at nurturing and being supportive of the newly created vampyers.

6. What aspect of my humanity would I most try to cling to? - The Devil XV -  Ok this card was about to really trip me up at first, but now I totally get it! It all goes back to card #1, the 6 of Grails. All of my earthly desires that are not wise choices as a human being but not harmful if not completely acceptable as a vampyre. All of the things that as a human I only wish I could/would do. I'd drink coffee with extra sugar and heavy cream all day long. Eat a pound of bacon a day, hot-cross buns, crepes with Nutella, Popeye's fried chicken, beignets, red velvet cake, Ritter Sport chocolate with hazelnuts and Australian shiraz, and extra butter on everything! And drink Absinthe even though I hate licorice. I'd dress in leather, latex, satin and velvet in 6" heels/boots and wear elegant but heavy goth make-up and cyber-locks. While at the ballet.  I'd drive a Dodge Challenger at its max speed as well as a Harley. I'd skydive, snow board, horse back ride, roller blade, ride roller coasters,   and pole dance because my back would be healed. I'd deep-sea dive off the Great Barrier reef with the sharks. At night. I'd ski down double diamonds in The Alps, go out deep on they bayou in the dark of night. I'd train hop with the drifters and learn all of Betty White's dirty jokes. I'd do any and every dangerous, hedonistic thing I could think of at least once. Twice if I really liked it! tee-hee-hee!  Ohhh... if only I were a Vampyre  *deliciously evil grin*   V""V

I Just Wanna Fly

I just bought myself a birthday present for mySelf. On Christmas Day I will turn 40. I'm having very mixed feelings about that. I am not where I had hoped I'd be in life by the time I hit 40. Not by a long shot. I made the determination a few weeks ago that I would not go into the second half of my life with the same crap that has held me back in the first half. So I get this notification from Groupon for an amazing offer. (Groupon is a deal-of -the-day company with offers specific to a particular local area. Anything from manicures to getting your house painted to local attractions and they are most often really great sales). Well I see a deal a few days ago for something I have always wanted to do for as long as I can remember, but never really thought I'd get to do. A total Bucket List kind of thing. Flight lessons! A 3 hour orientation and lesson for only $120! Now I know damn well I can't afford this. So for the past week I have gone back and forth on whether or not to do it. With 40 min left to take the deal or not, I whipped out my Tarot of the Sweet Twilight and asked for her advice. 

*(Uh.. as I am now proof reading this, I just noticed it was 40 min left to decide on my 40th b/day present!)*

1. If I do get it- 10 of swords- At first I was like WTH?! Then when I studied the picture, I saw the sweet little angel with two ponytails kneeling in the graveyard looking at a crypt and holding 3 roses. The sun is just barely peeking over the horizon. When you fly an aircraft, keeping an eye on the horizon is extremely important. In fact, there is a gauge in the cockpit called the virtual horizon. The sun climbing up to push back the night sky said to me that this was a time for me to awaken to the life I truly want to live. Ever since I was a little girl who wore ponytails, I have wanted to fly, hence becoming a flight attendant. When I was 7, my dad could point to an aircraft and ask me if it was a C-130, an F-16 or an F-21 and I could tell him. And at about 14, I decided I wanted to skydive. I figured if I could do that, what could I possibly have to ever fear again in my life! As I looked at the card, I thought about when the King of Swords went skydiving. (Even if there were not this specific person who this card represents, i would still associate the KofSw with a pilot or anyone in aviation.)  The person who went up in that plane was NOT the same man who came back down. I mean when you watch the video, you see the total transformation in the depth of his eyes. His soul came to life. The 10 of swords is about a definitive ending. It's time for me to bury all of the fears, and there are many, that have slowly been killing my spirit for so long. If I go ahead and buy this, among other things, it will be facing the fear of not having enough money to do the things in life I need to as well as want. It will be an amazing entrance to Phase II.

2. If I don't get it- 5 of chalices- The first word that always comes to my head when I see this card is "regret". And look at this girl. Just laid out, asleep/drunk. I'm not a drinker, but I do battle depression and sleep is my go-to drug of choice. I look at the card and it's like those stars are moving past. Like the world, time,  is moving on, but the girl in her blue (aka sadness) dress is obviously not participating. The ocean is right there, tide rising. She may just drown in her sorrows and not eve be conscious of it until it's too late. No one can save her but herSelf.

3. Additional information- 2 of chalices - I usually say "Advice" for this position, but tonight I heard in my head, "additional information". This card is saying for me to do what I love, what makes my heart sing. The caduceus says to me that this will be so very healing for me.  But I am also wondering if there is some major romantic situation which will come out of this somehow. Or maybe it's just saying do what I truly love. But then I look at the last card...

4. Card at the bottom of the deck- 4 of wands- Hmmm... I really do wonder if this will somehow lead me to finding that special someone I do not yet know, but that I want to marry. Like, will I start taking flight lessons on a regular basis and meet some cat who also flies while I'm taking a little trip somewhere?? Either way, doing this will give me a lot of satisfaction and a reason to celebrate and rest easier knowing I listened to that fire in my spirit. And I a right at home in an airplane! (Lisa, I know you are cringing at the thought reading this LOL!)

I had to ask once more, so I turned to my Oracle of Shadows & Light. She gave me #11 The Dried Flower Fairy

Yes, I did purchase it lol. I have until April 18, 2012 to use it, so I will let you all know when I do. *smile*

You know my thing is to add a music video at the end of most of my posts. That is because I usually hear songs in my head when I am reading cards. I'm sure you can guess what song obviously came to mind for this reading. But when I went to look for the video, I couldn't find the original, real one done by Sugar Ray. In looking for it, I found an even better one that is just perfect for this! 

Gitter dun!

I recently got the Dark Angels Tarot and let me tell you, not only do I love it but my guides are doing backflips! I will have to do an interview with the deck later today. Right now it's hard because in addition to the usual problem of not having a scanner, now I have the additional issue of being kinda far out so my cell reception is all but non-existent, so I can't usually upload the pics from my phone. *sigh*

So I do asked my guides what they wanted me to know today. These cards really seem to want me to do the Rockstar reading when I use them (center card is the focus, the other two support it). I got the 3 of pentacles, Ace of Swords, and 10 of swords. I laid down the 3ofP before laying the other two. The first thing I noticed was the 3 pentacles are at the top of the card and that made me hear Snoop Dogg saying, "I got my mind on my money and my money on my mind". This card is about the completion of a project and the recognition earned from doing so. This hits a few points for me. I needed to take care of some financial stuff, and had just done so before I did the cards. The angel on here has started a sculpture, but to me it doesn't look finished. And the lady in the background is like she is saying, when are yo going to finish because I want to purchase it! I need to finish setting up the FB account for Creole Moon Tarot and send out Twitter invites. Ferol over at Living Tarot just gave me a huge compliment the other night on the comment I wrote on her nightly FB question. I've had some very pressing shit to worry about as of late, like, a place to live and all, so this has made me more scattered that the usual (God and Goddess, scary!)  I need to master the art of not getting so damn side-tracked. I am the worst at not finishing projects.
The AofSw (and aside for Rhiannon Faulkner's, this deck has my favorite now) has been on my mind a lot lately. I need to do a post just on it. But this cracked me up and then even more so when I pulled the 10ofSw! I mean, can you get much more of a neon sign that you need there are things that may be very challenging or scary, but I need to see to the end, start to finish! In stead of the usual dread that goes with the 10ofSw, in this reading it just said what one of my dearest friends says when he completes a task, "Done and done!" These two cards show cutting the bullshit and getting it over and done with so you can rest without stressing that there is still more to do. Get'er dun!

3 Cards, All 3 Are 10's

I'm so tired, but I had to ask the cards about a situation. I wrote an email today and the very very short version of the story is that I  told certain someone today that I needed to distance myself from him because I feel more for him that he feels for me or is capable of showing. I was a big girl and made sure that I was very honest but not all "girl' and melodramatic and doing the emotional blackmail crap. So I asked the cards just now what is going on with him in light of that. I tried a little trick Rhiannon taught me where as to imagine a huge sailors rope coming from around me and crossing in a figure 8 and looping around him to feel his energy. (If you try this always be sure that at the end of the reading you are doing, imagine a huge pair of scissors cutting the rope and free the connection. You do not want to remain pulling and carrying around another's emotions like that! It's not healthy for either party.) Since there is such a strong bond between us, this was not at all hard to do with him. I instantly felt sick to my stomach and very heavy and confused. I used my Universal Goddess deck which is one of my very favorite decks and became the one I used for readings about him or us. Here are the cards:
 10 of Swords, 10 of Pentacles, and The Wheel of Fortune X

3 cards, all 10's. WTF.

An ending, a new beginning, and a cycle that continues. The 10 of Pentacles shows what I want. I'm 39, no kids and never been married. He's 37,  has 3 kids and is an amazing single dad. I want to get married. To him?? Not sure, but I at least want a serious, committed relationship with him to find that out. I love how warm and inviting the Japanese goddess Ben Satien is and that's what I want. A warm home filled with love and family and friends. We both love to have people over and eat and hang out. And this card is about family and legacy. I told him today that "I am not happy with how my life is going and that at 39 I need to get my head out of my ass and get my shit together". 10 of Swords shows how we both feel in a lot of ways. I'm not at all a victim in this, but I am sad because I don't want it to be this way. Take note of the gold ring in the water. He's sad because to quote the LWB "I am the innocent victim of a cruel curse. I am alone, afraid and desperate in this gloomy forest." Now though he would never in a million years say this, it describes a lot of what he feels. In addition to other personal issues, he is an Iraq War Veteran. That kinda says it all. And then there is The Wheel X. The those white flowers Arianrhod has floating about makes me think of how I threw caution to the wind by being extremely upfront in telling him what I did without any expectation. Hope? Yes, but no expectations. I live as the complete east coast and he one the complete west. If I were still a flight attendant, this would be totally workable. But as of the foreseeable future, I'm not one. She looks so free, and there is a certain freedom from taking the weight off of myself by being so upfront. The Wheel of Fortune is about karma and fate and the ups and downs of life. We have had many many ups and downs and there is an extremely strong karmic connection between us. One way is the fact that his mother who is on the other side talks to me so often. But I had to say what I did today. And I feel like those flowers are saying "let the chips fall where they may". The blue of her dress says be at peace with whatever happens.

I wonder what getting three 10's means!? I know 10's are all about starting over, re-generation. For me they are also about a transition. I see 9's as an ending, and 1's as a new beginning, but 10's as that in between phase of regrouping and transition from one phase to the next. Kinda like Purgatory for Catholics. And I am tired of feeling like I'm in limbo with this cat.

The bottom card is one that I so very often get with him, the 9 of Wands. (So we have three 10's and one 9......) I absolutely love this interpretation of this card! It is by far my favorite 9ofW in any deck. It is the goddess of the winter solstice, Angerona. The LWB says it so beautifully, " Silence is the mother that never asks questions but welcomes you silently between her benevolent arms when you are tired and uncertain." How beautiful is that. And since he lives in Portland, those evergreens covered in snow are so fitting. The snow on the wooden fence post to symbolize the rods is like telling him it's ok to stop fighting, lay down your arms, the war is over my baby. I see myself posed as Angerona is, welcoming him home, not asking pointed questions or forcing him to discuss anything, though I know he needs to free himself of the pain in his soul. And most of all, not judging, just greeting him with acceptance and love.

As far as E.D. , there is one


For shits and giggles, I decided to turn over another card. Don't you know it was the King of Wands. He's a Sag.