The Dark Angels shuffled out The Wheel of Fortune X. A golden sky forces back dark thunder clouds. To the left and right are two stone walls with a bull and a lion respectively. Dead center is a dark magician type fellow standing in front of a massive stone wheel with a huge stone gryphon. On the one hand there is brute force or doing things out of habit (the bull), on the other hand there is reacting out of anger, foolish pride, or ego (the lion). Between them us the gryphon and the human. Gryphons symbolize great wisdom and protection. Buddhist philosophy teaches the "Middle Way", which in extremely basic terms is about living with a sense of balance that is found through meditation as opposed to extremes. Because therein lies true happiness. Ultimately ones external conditions are a reflection if the internal.
Major changes are in the air. I can feel it and am starting to see evidence in my physical reality. And this card is a 10 which means the cusp of endings and beginnings. There is a profound theory of the 10 Worlds, which I won't event attempt to go into but you can go here to explore on this award winning blog my dear friend does to learn about. If I can continue to view life through the eyes of the gryphon and accept that life is constantly in flux and just because really fucked up shit happens, it doesn't necessarily equate with punishment. In fact, literal shit is also known as fertilizer. It's not really good or bad inane of itself. It's just shit. Depends on what one does with it, and that may be seen as good or bad perhaps. But shit (aka Life) is just shit. The lotus flower is used to symbolize Nicherin Buddihsm for several reasons, one being the fact that it is such a gorgeous flower that grows in the murkiest water. That's what is really meant by the phrase, "It is what it is..." The title of this card says it all in Buddhist terms. They do not say "blessings" but instead use the word "fortune". NO cause is ever wasted in Buddhism, meaning no effort made. Effort can be action, but equally as much one's thoughts or intentions even if no action is taken. Say for example you had a friend in the hospital. You really want to go sit with them. It will bring them joy to have someone to spend time with them. It will bring you joy from doing something that makes you feel like a compassionate person. But it's butt-ass cold outside and you just want to go home. In Buddhism, fighting through the feelings of not wanting to go and going based on doing something kind, will amas good fortune. But say you don't want to go because you feel a cold coming on so going is harmful to you, thus you decide not to. The honor of your intention will still bring you good fortune. It's still considered "making cause". This card is reminding me to keep making good causes and due to the law of cause and effect, I will experience good fortune.
It's also worth mentioning the fact that there is no such thing as coincidence and Buddhism is a very prominent force showing up the past few days. Out of nowhere I chanted Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo one day last week. Then I came across my beads and prayer book totally at random. Yesteday's card was the QofW as Tina Turner who has been practicing Nichiren Buddhism for like 40 years or so, and today a wonderful woman I used to practice with in Philly called to let me know she is in town and wants to get together. Seems the a Universe has significant changes in store that have been building up from the many causes I've made. (Of course now I have "Proud Mary" playing in my head lol! And we're rollin'!)
Two days ago I got one of my birthday presents to Me from Me, the Joie-de-Vivre deck by Paulina Cassidy. You all know how much I love my dark decks, but I need one that is a little lighter, a little softer. It's got a zany, fun, child-like feel to it, yet still has slight touches of the macabre. The fine, wee little details are not something that I usually go for, so I've been a little unsure about it. But the more that Kiki posted with it, the more I wanted it. So I went through and started to familiarize myself with each card last night. Then this morning I decided to take it for a test run. I decided that for now I will not read Rx with this deck. I set the very clear intention of asking the deck, "What can you tell me about this morning?" Since I'd only been awake about 2 hours, this was asking it to be pretty specific. The first thought I had was about the horrible cramps/stomach pains I was having at that moment. (Uhh, wth? No cycle, but cramps?? Are you kidding me!?) I wondered if The Chariot VII would show up. It is ruled by the sign Cancer and is associated with the stomach in readings that deal with health. If it gave me the Chariot, I knew we were a perfect match and that communication between us would not be a problem. Here are the cards I pulled:
1. The Chariot VII- LOL! Disco! We have a connection folks! And notice how she is holding her lower abdomen and looking very disgruntled, just like I was lol!
2. Queen of Cups- I had thought about my mother this morning and the beautiful birthday card she sent me that I read again when I woke up. She is a Scorpio, Queen of Cups.
3. Ace of Cups- The card of renewed love and healing. Again, the Mom situation. Letting me know Arch Angel Raphael is working his magick. And this card is so beautiful. Just looking at it makes me feel soothed and peaceful and safe. The little faerie has her lotus blossom to pour her healing water out into Source. Something about her reminds me of Tori Amos. She also makes me think of how when doing a spell, you call in the Quarters, the guardians from each cardinal direction. She looks like the perfect vision of the Keeper of the West. And the lotus flower reminds me of the Nichiren Buddhist law of cause and effect. Nam-Myho-Renge-Kyo. The very short interpretation means dedication to the mystic law of the simultaneity of cause and effect through sound. Renge means lotus flower. It represents cause and effect since it is one of the only flowers that has seed and bloom at the same time. The easiest way to sum all this up is that it is a reminder to me that I can NOT change anyone, starting with my mother. I can only change myself. Choose to act and not react. When you change from the inside, your environment and all that exists it on the outside will change. I am changing the dynamic between us by the fact that I have chosen to not react, but to choose how I act. Very hard, but I think will be very beneficial.
4. 5 of Wands- I pulled the card at the bottom of the deck and had to laugh out loud! I am NOT a morning person!! I was awakened at 8:15 by my two little cousins being SO loud and arguing! I was upstairs doing the reading. The were downstairs, directly below me!
5. 8 of Swords - the very last thing I thought of while I was shuffling was how there have been so many things holding me back from completely committing to the move to New Orleans. Several things that were stressing me out and I kept over analyzing and thus had me trapped in the fear of making the wrong decision, but there is only one thing now that is still holding me hostage. I think this is crystal clear that the Joie de Vivre is listening to me and speaking with crystal clarity!
"Holding on to anger is like holding on to a hot coal with the intension of throwing at another" ~Nichiren Diashonin
I have heard the call of the Goddess so strongly since I got back to New Orleans. I have been practicing Nichiren Buddhism for the past 2 years. I am so happy that I did. But She has called me back and it is a feeling down deep in my soul.
My 40th birthday is right around the corner. I have been dreading it because I feel SO unaccomplished in my life. Nothing is as I'd have hoped at 39. But I finally have turned the corner on my feelings about that. Like my grandfather used to say, "If you don't like getting old, try the alternative" My friend Willow suggested I do a banishing spell so I have a clean slate to do a spell on the new moon to bring the things into my life that I want. So I have done a very simple but powerful spell. I haven't been a practicing witch in several years so I no long have alter supplies. Plus where I am it is very difficult to do spell work. Here are the items I used:
writing paper
1 silver candle
olive oil
sea salt
lemon zest
1/2 & 1/2
a white paper plate
purple ink pen
tarot cards- the High Priestess II, 9 of pentacles, Empress III. Ace of Wands, Ace of Pentacles, 6 of swords, and The Hierophant V
I sat down and I wrote a letter of forgiveness to everyone I harbor any resentment or anger toward. It was actually not as hard as I expected it would be. (I guess once a week for 4 years with a shrink actually does pay off. Humph.) But I just let it rip, anyone or thing that I still had beef with. The Scorpio ex b/f, the airline I used to worked for, my parents, previous roomates. (And if you've read any of my posts from Feb-June, then you know that bullshit was real hard to do!) Even the individual who date raped me when I was 19 and took my virginity. I didn't even realize that was still an issue at this point in my life. Not a big one, but there is still some anger and hatred no doubt. But 20 years is a really long time to be pissed off no matter how good of a reason. It was a bit of a challenge to not be judegmental and to also assume responsibility for my part in things when needed, yet not blame myself for things that were not my fault or beyond my control. And that brings me to the most important person I had to forgive- ME! All 5 of them crazy chix in my dome! I have to banish the self-doubt, anger and negative feelings about myself, my life. It's like... it's like being an emotional hoarder. Let that shit fucking go man! Free your mind, your ass'll follow! I'm sick and tired of being prisoner to Fear and Doubt. They got ta go!
You will notice the big shiny reflection of the counter top. Normally that would drive me crazy and get cropped, but when I was taking the pix it looked just like the full moon shining down. So I kept it.
So I wrote my letters/notes. Then I selected the cards that coincide with my intention and with the energy of a Taurus full moon. The HP II because I want to stop doubting my self and my intuition. I have more than enough life experiences at this point that I damn sure can start to have complete trust in myself! And how gorgeous is she in this deck, plus the full moon on it. 9ofP beacuse I want to be an indpendant, self-sufficient woman who has a wonder home and is secure and comfortable within her own skin. Plus this card represents the 9 disks in my back that bothered me for so long. And we all know how much I love black cats and Catwoman. This is my all time favorite 9ofP! The Empress because she is associated with Taurus, but more so because I have never had kids because if fear and doubt. Fear of loosing my independance and personal freedom and fear of finances, another Taurus issue. Also because I recently found out that at 38 I started menopause. Are you fucking kidding me... But my gut tells me don't believe it as far as fertility. If I choose that I really want one, I will have one. I've decided I do since I have been around a baby everyday for 2 months. But that'll be in another post.
AofW- again the mom issues and creating the life I want in general and having it filled with passion and energy. And the fertility aspect. This may just be the most gorgeous AofW I have ever seen! AofP- Taurus and money security issues. I want to remove my negative and false ideas about money and prosperty in general.
The Hierophant V Rx- Ruled by Taurus and all about following what God/Goddess direct you to do. Also about not being a slave to what society says is "right". I felt this version really captured that. 6ofSw Rx- I've made posts about how this version looks like the guy in the front is Fear and the one in back is Doubt and they are keeping this powerful creature enslaved. I want to move on to a better life and freedom from negativity. I don't ususally use Rx cards but for this spell I did on these last two because these are things I want to banish. I just took the picture right-side-up so we can see what the cards look like.
I have my silver candle burning right now as I type this out. That way I am further infusing it with my intent, which is what magick is all about. If you want to know more about casting spells, check out Rowan Pendragon's site. She is amazing and a wealth of knowledge.
*this was actually done on 11/11/11 though it is being posted a day later
I have been listening to Florence + The Machine while I have been sitting here. I love their music so much. Rabbit Heart I think is perfect for this! Because I will no longer be a rabbit-hearted girl! (Lyrics below the video.)
FLORENCE + THE MACHINE LYRICS
"Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)"
The looking glass, so shiny and new
How quickly the glamour fades
I start spinning, slipping out of time
Was that the wrong pill to take? (Raise it up)
You made a deal, and now it seems you have to offer up
But will it ever be enough? (Raise it up, raise it up)
It's not enough (Raise it up, raise it up)
Here I am, a rabbit hearted girl
Frozen in the headlights
It seems I've made the final sacrifice
We raise it up, this offering
We raise it up
This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight
I look around, but I can't find you (raise it up)
If only I could see your face (raise it up)
Instead of rushing towards the skyline (raise it up)
I wish that I could just be brave
I must become a lion hearted girl
Ready for a fight
Before I make the final sacrifice
We raise it up, this offering
We raise it up
This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight
Raise it up, raise it up
Raise it up, raise it up
And in the spring I shed my skin
And it blows away with the changing wind
The waters turn from blue to red
As towards the sky I offer it
This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight
This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight
This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight
Omg if this works, I won't know whether to kick myself in the ass for a month because I am JUST figuring out how to do it or strip and dance ass-naked down the street to Mardi Gras music!!! Here we go:
I'm trying a spread from a new lady I found on FB, Living Tarot. At first I was having a really hard time with the cards I got. I started to talk it out and then it started to fall into place. EXERCISE~ YOUR DISASTROUS DREAM COME TRUE~ Pull out your deck. Shuffle, while thinking "Which past dream come true in my life has brought me the most disastrous results?" Lay down the Five Card Spiritual Commentary: Card 1 = Short Answer~ Cards 2,3,4 = Long Answer~ Card 5 = Spiritual Commentary.
First thing I notice: NOT A FIRE CARD IN SIGHT!
The first category is Air- This is about my way of thinking and how I deal with stress.
The second category is Earth, Earth, Water--There are 2 earth cards and 1 water. This grouping says to me not to let my emotions keep me stuck. Also the earth shows how money and health are in question.
The third category is Air- Again, it all comes back to changing my mindset and how I deal with stress.
Short answer: Card 1--4 of Swords- The first thing I notice is her back and that she is laying down resting, so this is about my back injury.
Long Answer: Card 2,3,4-- Knight of Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles and 2 of Chalices
The first thing I see is the QofP which is my card since I'm a Capricorn. I see the lotus blossoms so this says to me that my Buddhist practice is a large part of this issue. I didn't start practicing until after I fell. I often see the huge object behind her as the moon, but today it's a pearl, as in wisdom, or a gift. Also the connection of pearls and Japan and Nichiren Buddhism being from Japan. I'm thinking of how a pearl is made from that grain of sand that is a major irritation for the oyster but creates something so precious and beautiful. So I need to realize that though I am pretty badly injured, in the grand scheme of my life, it is but a minor irritation that will have great benefit if I can adopt the Buddhist way of thinking that obstacles are really benefits if we turn poison into medicine. The Queen is holding a pentacle so I'm thinking I need to do more reiki on myself and somehow get massages and other forms of hands on healing. The Knight of Pentacles is about patience in creating tangible results and God knows that has been the case. He looks pissed and is moving away from the Queen. The KntofP is here to remind me tht diligence and hard work are what gets tangible results. As if to say my inner pissed off teen-ager needs to grow up and not turn away from the mature part of myself who wants to grow up and be a woman with roots and stability, but to listen to her advice and to not give up. With this serious of an injury, I will always have to work very hard at keeping my spine in good shape. Since the knight has wings and is is on that flying fish over rough seas, it is making me think about how much I miss being a flight attendant. The caduceus on the 2 of Chalices confirms for me that this is the medical situation that has had such an emotional impact on my life. Why is she letting go of the flowers? I can't let go of my dreams and just stay in bed. And this has been a great way for me to learn who I am in order to find the right man for me. We often talk of wanting our soul-mate. I've learned that as imperative as love and passion are for me, I've always missed the mark on compatibility. In this version of the 2ofC they look to be total opposites, yet still seem so well matched. A lot of times opposites do attract, and one of the few marriages I know of that I think is truly rock solid are two people who on the surface are as opposite as two humans can get. But their core values, beliefs and desires are the same. I think the only way for me to find that is through really knowing who I am at my core. And being injured has given me a whole lot of time to do a lot of soul searching.
Spiritual Commentatry: 6 of Swords--The angel is saying to me to forgive myself and that will break those chains I see that are keeping her/me from flying. I have to take off that blindfold and face these two characters who I am allowing to keep me bound and holding me hostage. And I can see who they are and know their names as well as I know my own! That asshole in front is Fear and the one in back is that jackass Doubt! Look at his face! The traditional meaning of the 6ofSw is about moving onto a better place or situation. If I want to do that, I've got to change my mindset and and stop focusing on the stressful and painful things I'm dealing with and allowing them to hold be captive. I even think it means I am to be a flight attendant again, only this time recognizing my worth and having an employer who does as well.
The card at the bottom of the deck is The World XXI-- What a wonderful card and this deck has such a beautiful interpretation of it. Life is about cycles, life lessons to be experienced, learned, and then move on to the next cycle. Sometimes there will be tears shed, and lots of them, but don't let that negate all of the beauty in this world, and as corny as it sounds, keep looking up to the stars, your hopes and dreams. This card also confirms that I am so meant to travel the globe and bring beauty to it. One way is through being a make-up artist. But also the beauty of my spirit that will be enhanced through the lives I touch and who touch mine. If I forget the lessons or don't even learn the lessons I'm supposed to through the back injury, I will be short changing myself as well as the many others who lives I'm supposed to touch by sharing my experiences and bringing them encouragement.
I just listened to my dear Rhiannon's new tarot radio show on BlogTalkRadio and one of my fellow approved Faulkner Tarot instructors, Kelley Trewin, did a wonderful show today. So I asked my guides "How can I be a better reader? I know I am meant to be one, but what do I need to do to make it a reality?" I for some reason have a hard time with reading from this deck in spite of how special it is to me. I'm not sure if it's because it's so different from any other deck or if it's because Rhiannon has offered me an amazing opportunity by the fact that she and her guide Brian selected me to be a representative of her beautiful labor of love and that makes me feel even more insecure and the self-imposed pressure to "get it right/not mess up". Now when I think about the msg I received today from my daily guidance from Neil Donald Walsh, it really makes it all come full circle that I just need to get my head out of my ass. (I will add it somewhere in the post and add his link. Scary how spot on he so often is!).
But here is what my guides told/showed me.
Knight of Pentacles, King of Swords, Justice II
The very first thing to jump out at me was the KofSw and I heard "Be decisive and clear! Cut the shit and just do it! If you don't believe in you, who the hell else will? Make an assessment (a phrase/joke I have with a certain KofSw man!! LOL) and be direct b/c we are with you! Stand your ground with your doubting voice and don't let it just stone-wall you! You are a tarot healer, but you have to start to heal yourself first. Stop judging yourself so damn harshly!" Holy shit that's a mouthfull huh! The KntofP says I need to be more structured and that this blog will be a great way for me to do that and to learn more. About myself, my cards and my abilities. Again the message to be patient with myself. Tarot is a way of life for me, so just take my time and continue to learn and build on my skills. The Justice card, the scale on the left that looks so dark stood out first. I feel like being next to the KofSw it's saying how much all of this court crap weighs on me so heavily and how it has gotten my whole world so out of balance! So I could blame my struggle on that blocking my gift, or I can look at it as a Buddhist and how we see true happiness. That there will always be struggles and obstacles, it's up to us to look at them in a way that we do NOT let those things determine who we ARE or the quality of our life. Or how amazing of a tarot reader I am. It's all about believing in my self and my limitless potential and that I a totally worthy of success!
The bottom card is The Hierophant V. 5's are so....."interesting" Lol! It just depends on how you look at them: A. a bunch of bullshit!! Or 2. Unique and special opportunities to make much needed changes. I really love the way Rhiannon has chosen to portray this card, very unique. She says it's like God yoking you up and saying cut the crap and get real, the time is now!" I feel like it is reminding me that God/Goddess/Spirit and all of my guides, including the people I love who are now gone are always there to help me read. Just ask them to help, trust that they always do, and most importantly trust myself and see myself as the beautiful guide for so many others that I was created to and have chosen to be.
Now ordinarily I would be starting to freak out completely with the cards I drew today, but actually it's kind of a strange comfort. in that it tells me that I am actually in touch with my cards and guides. Because I've been freaking out and unable to sleep and stomach a wreck. And today I drew the 10 of wands and The Devil. See? Total conformation that things are as fucked up as I feel they are. Or at least that I feel as fucked up as I feel. Overwhelming fear and impending doom to say the least. I just got some way bad news confirmed. I'm still in Atlanta and few days ago I wrote how I felt something wasn't write with my room mate back in Philly, but I didn't know what. Well at this moment I still don't, but I do know I will need to move. I feel like dude in the 10 of wands, so much heavy weight to carry, back hurting, face down in the shit. Out in the wilderness, alone. He's got to cut those red ropes that hold all that shit. What are my red ropes?? Fear, doubt, anxiety, pain, guilt, shame, insecurity... just to name a few. And of course the big dog of them all who rules all of those pleasant things, ole Prince of Darkness himself. Sitting on that hourglass I do feel like a fool and time is running out. So how do I somehow find a positive in all this awful shit. Plain and simple, I gotta face my fears head on and deal with the shit because it's about to deal with me! This is a serious test of faith. If the man in the 10 of wands drops his heavy load and turns around, there seems to be sunlight in the clearing, a way out of the thick woods. And The Devil of the LoD deck isn't nearly as scary as he is in most decks. Now looking at his muscles, this is not going to be an easy fight or situation to overcome!! But I see the Capricorn symbol. I've GOT to be a true goat-fish! Adaptable, yet strong and determined to get to the top of the mountain. I have to believe in myself and limitless potential to be able to create the life I want!! In Buddhism, hell is not an actual destination, but, a state of being or life condition. Where one feels trapped and completely hopeless, helpless and in utter misery. But the man in the card can jump (take a huge leap of faith!) to the poll and crawl down and get out. This is so gonna suck, but I can do this.
At the bottom of the deck is the 8 of Swords, but of course lol!! This too is exactly how I feel, alone, trapped, and like any move I make will cause me more pain and fuck myself up. Hell, she even looks like me! And damn it's dark and wooded where she is! So what the hell is she falling into!? But I do see Jupiter behind her, the planet of good fortune. And "a sword in the hand of a coward is useless!" according to Nichiren Dishonin. So I had better grow a pair and cut myself free and help my damn self out of this situation.
I can't imagine what would make things come to this b/c my roomate and I are so close and love each other so dearly (although something or should I say someone does come to mind...) but some shit is clearly about to jump off.
I drew one more card, just for s&g and it was The Fool lol! Same guy who is pictured on The Devil card. His legs are so strong and he has the world at his feet. And the hourglass is full. Somehow....somehow, this is going to be a good thing in the end. A whole new beginning. I have got to make my mind focus on that and keep the faith.
UPDATE: So it's about 4 hrs later, and yes, I was asked to leave. Hence The Tower and QofS the other day. I'm shocked b/c we so often talk about my being there. That even though it was supposed to be temporary but b/c it has turned into 1 1/2 yrs it's totally fine. That she loves having the company. That b/c she was in the same kind of situation years ago she understands and is happy to pay it forward. That though it is for very different reasons, she needs me there as much as I need to be there. She says this has nothing to do with me, that she needs her space and she is in no way angry or resentful that I have been there and loves me still, but b/c she just found out that her back is getting so much worse she needs her space. Now what the hell sense does that make!? She'll need me even more! I'll go to my grave knowing it was the who and not a "what" that happened to cause this shit. I am pissed, and very hurt, but I will never ever forget all the love and kindness she did show for so long. I've already been blessed enough to have a mutual friend ask me before I even thought to ask her about moving in. So I'ma take this as blessing. An opportunity to get my damn shit together and make some much needed MAJOR changes and start living the life I deserve.---In my own damn house that is lol!
Major Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, Vol. 1, page 149.
Those who believe in the Lotus Sutra are as if in winter, which never fails to turn into spring. Never have I seen or heard of winter turning into autumn. Nor have I ever heard of any believer in the Lotus Sutra who remained a common mortal. A passage from the sutra reads, "Among those who hear of this Law, there is not one who shall not attain Buddhahood."
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