Enjoy the Silence - Shhh...

This morning's card from my Earth Magick Oracle was Island - Solitude. It's kinda perfect because yesterday marked the very first day I've been all alone since... Holy fucking sheep shit. Since May 30. OH MY FUCKING GOD IVE NOT BEEN BY MYSELF SINCE MAY 30?!?! 7 WEEKS TO THE DAY OF CONSTANT INTERACTION WITH OTHERS EVERY SINGLE DAY??! Sweet Jesus it's a wonder I'm not in a mental institution with Haldol running through an IV drip! I had no idea it'd been this long. As an empath that's some very dangerous behavior! No wonder I've been depressed and anxious and had extreme back pain, sleepless nights and feelings of impending doom! I've got all of my own shit plus that of all the people around me that I'm absorbing NON STOP. Leaving NOLA was traumatic and that day was so fucking painful and stressful I had a total melt down. Then got in a car to drive 16 hours up to Chicago because my wife's (my best friend Michaelle) father died. Oh to hell with it, I'm not going to rehash all the details. It was some bullshit. It also was wonderful because it made me, Michaelle and our friend Wendy even closer. But then I had to fly to Philly to deal with some extremely stressful things within a 9 hour period and then get on a flight to London, followed by a 3 1/2 hour bus ride. I'm here visiting my amazing friend Karen. Her 14 yr old lives here, and for the first 6 weeks of my stay, her 21 yr old son and his girlfriend (lovely people!) lived here as well. Then I find out my dog died. Jesus on a bicycle.

All I can say is, did you ever see the movie Falling Down by Michael Douglas? I deserve a fucking medal for not going on a mass killing spree. And a cookie. From the Double Tree! In Paris! While wearing a pair of boots by Lanvin! Preferably these:

 

So last week the older two moved out and into a fantastic new home. And Sunday Karen and the youngest went on vacation to Thialand. So this is the second day in approximately 51 days that I've been alone. Mother of God.

This card shows a green expanse of solitary land. Some parts are a smooth carpet of moss-like grass, others are rock formations that form a peak leading to the night sky. The island is surrounded by a body of water that is as perfectly smooth and still as polished glass, reflecting the land and the sky. One side of the island is shrouded in darkness, the other in light because a large portion of the sky is covered by ominous dark clouds. Yet from the opposite side of the sky a silent veil of moonlight casts an ethereal glow. In the center of the island is a single tree. It looks like a mighty oak, but it has a gorgeous canopy of amethyst blooms. There is nothing at all scary of loney about this image, just the beauty of peaceful stillness. This tree has been left unattended by humans and it thrives. The purple flowers make me think of the crown and third eye chakras. The moonlight makes me understand the importance of quite reflection as it shines through the dense stagnation and congestion of the thick clouds and onto the pristine water.

I decide to do something I've been feeling pulled to do since I worked with Kiki as my life coach (God I miss her!) but have not done. I have taken a vow of silence today. At least until 6PM. If you know me, you know what a challenge this is LOL! Now since there is nobody here but the three cats, it sound super easy. But it's been four hours now, and doing this with purpose has a very different feel to it. A very good feel. And Goddess knows I am that crazy bitch who freely talks to herself and the cats lol!

I intended to ask tarot why card will help me and then do a shuffle to specifically ask which of the court cards would be whispering messages to my mind. Two cards fell out, one a court card. The 5 and Page of Swords. Damn. "Extreme negative self-talk" is what I instantly heard. The ultra critical self-destructive voice of ego that is nothing more than a fucking bully who points out everything I'm doing wrong, have done wrong, will do wrong, how fucked up things are and always will be. "You type too damn slow! You need to start making some money. You still haven't called your mother in a week? You've gained damn near 10lbs ya know. You should walk today, but you probably won't." Yada yada fucking yada.

This very direct Pg of Sw, giving his completely unaffected stare, offers me a choice delivered on a lapis lazuli colored cushion (pausing now to go get that stone and keep it with me today...) Continue listening to that shit or not. We can't kill off that member of the board of directors in our dome, but we can tune him out by tuning into more positive voices. I'm finding out how to do that by so many of the YouTube channels I subscribe to a few of which include anything by Abraham-Hicks and Tony Robbins. Another way is yoga each day for the past 8 days. I also will start reading a book one of my new British friends let me borrow that addresses this issue and teaches how to manage it. The air aspect of both cards also address the thoughts I've had about looking up videos on breathing exercise and mindfullness. I wonder if I communicate telepathically with any of the cats??

 

In the immortal words of one of my favorite bands, Depeche Mode:

Words like violence, Break the silence

Come crashing in

Into my little world

Painful to me

Pierce right through me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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If I Was My Vampyre

The Tarot of Vampyres is one of my most beloved decks. The images are hauntingly beautiful, so filled with depth and meaning. I absolutely love how it has the perfect blend of darkness and light. Lots of onyx-tinted hues of greens and greys to enhance the rich crimson, emerald and blue-violette. The artist Ian Daniels captures so much emotion and passion in the expressions of their faces and you can all but feel the smoothness of the satin and lushness of the velvet of their gowns and feel the mist that blows past. I.  Love.  This.  Deck.
I've been wanting to do a very cool reading that Chloe of Inner Whispers created and Lisa of Tarotize did as well that depicts My Life As a Vampyre.

                                                                 *click photo to enlarge*

1. What would I be like? - 6 of Grails - I first notice that this card is the Sun in Scorpio. I would be an extremely  passionate creature who would reminisce about certain aspects of my humanity, primarily my loved ones who I would have to leave behind, wouldn't understand or accept my choice,  or I'd have to watch age and die and move on to a different realm from me.  Yet I would still completely embrace and accept my new existence. I would be able to release so many fears that keep my paralyzed and constrict the freedom my soul longed for as a human. I would learn to use my fears as tools to enhance my existence. I notice how this vampyre looks like a younger girl and she is looking at the Empress next to her. I think I would be a mother. Little goth vampyre wee ones LOL.

2. What aspect of my human existence would be magnified? - The Lovers VI - I think I would be more at ease with the choices I made, especially given the insight from the last card. My husband and I would have chose to go through the transformation together.

3. What would I struggle with/fear the most? - 5 of Knives - In reality, my Venus is in Aquarius, which is the astrological association of this card. I would be afraid I would be too trusting of other creatures of the night. And that I would have be in conflict with other vampyers who would expect me to have no regard for any human life. Others would feed at any cost. I couldn't harm innocents. I'd be more of a Dexter type of vampyre. Hunt evil warlords in the Congo.

4. What would I strive to accomplish? What would motivate me the most? - 10 of Knives - I would strive to "live" my new "life" to the fullest, and to make damn sure some psycho, right-wing holy-roller didn't stake me! I 'd be motivated by the ending of a life where sickness, disease, physical pain (back pain) are a given. I'd be motivated by the far greater possibility of immortality.

5. What would I excel at or embrace? - The Empress III - A nod to card #1. I'd embrace being a mother. And excel at nurturing and being supportive of the newly created vampyers.

6. What aspect of my humanity would I most try to cling to? - The Devil XV -  Ok this card was about to really trip me up at first, but now I totally get it! It all goes back to card #1, the 6 of Grails. All of my earthly desires that are not wise choices as a human being but not harmful if not completely acceptable as a vampyre. All of the things that as a human I only wish I could/would do. I'd drink coffee with extra sugar and heavy cream all day long. Eat a pound of bacon a day, hot-cross buns, crepes with Nutella, Popeye's fried chicken, beignets, red velvet cake, Ritter Sport chocolate with hazelnuts and Australian shiraz, and extra butter on everything! And drink Absinthe even though I hate licorice. I'd dress in leather, latex, satin and velvet in 6" heels/boots and wear elegant but heavy goth make-up and cyber-locks. While at the ballet.  I'd drive a Dodge Challenger at its max speed as well as a Harley. I'd skydive, snow board, horse back ride, roller blade, ride roller coasters,   and pole dance because my back would be healed. I'd deep-sea dive off the Great Barrier reef with the sharks. At night. I'd ski down double diamonds in The Alps, go out deep on they bayou in the dark of night. I'd train hop with the drifters and learn all of Betty White's dirty jokes. I'd do any and every dangerous, hedonistic thing I could think of at least once. Twice if I really liked it! tee-hee-hee!  Ohhh... if only I were a Vampyre  *deliciously evil grin*   V""V

Mick Jagger Is the Devil

If  you frequent my blog you know that I often add a song/video at the end of a post. That is because I love music and often hear songs in my head when I am looking at the cards. Or when I am listening to music, I will often times see cards in my head that go with the lyrics. Yesterday as I was cleaning the bathroom I was listening to the Rolling Stones. The lyrics of first song on the playlist had a line that made me think, "Dang, he's the Knight of Wands and she is totally The Queen of Swords Rx" LOL" So with each song I associated the cards I thought fit. Since Mick Jagger is the King of Wands (Leo) I'm not surprised that a lot of wands cards came to mind. And The Devil XV came to mind a lot LOL! Both positive and negative. I have thought up Rx cards here, but have posted the pictures upright so you can see each card. If you do not do Rx, I'd say to still look for these combinations and see what your intuition and guides tell you. I don't often do Rx and it has really worked well for me either way when doing actual readings. Now many of the cards I chose can and are repeated themes in their songs so I didn't put the same one in every song I could have. And since The Stones have God only knows how many hundreds of songs, this is just a short list. The decks I chose had interpretations that seemed to fit best. I have added only a couple of videos. Here is what I came up with.

The first song that came on was "She's So Cold" - Rx Queen of Swords, Knight of Wands. "I'm so hot for her and she's so cold." "I'm the burning bush, I'm a steaming volcanoooo!" Mick really wanted this chick, but she was having NONE of it!! LOL Cold, hard rejection!

 Next up was "Sympathy For the Devil" - The Devil XV, King of Pentacles, Moon XVIII - This song makes me think of a bible verse that cracks me up, "There he goes to and fro , seeking that which he can destroy." It makes reference to the devil, and throughout the song, Mick talks about the various periods in history where tragic events have occurred and that the devil was there. I got the KofP because of the line "I'm a man of wealth and taste".  The Moon card because he says "...hope you guess my name. But what's troublin' you is the nature of my game."  Now I absolutely love the Moon card and most often see it in a very positive connotation, unless there are other cards around it that make me think otherwise.

This one was fun to try to come up with cards for. "Under My Thumb" - The Devil XV, 2 of cups Rx, 5 of swords, 5 of wands - I chose the 2ofC Rx because it is about a really messed up relationship and the whole vibe of the song is so win-at-any-cost, hence the 5ofSw. The 5ofW because there is so much ego and fighting. The Devil because it is based on intimidation, manipulation, and domination- not the good kind lol! tee-hee!

"Start Me Up" - The Devil XIV, 8 of wands, Ace of Wands, Knight of Wands, 6 of pentacles - Now here is where we can see why it is so important to not see cards as "good" or "bad". The Devil in a positive light is about earthly needs and desires. Letting go of puritanical notions that are repressive. Ace of Wands because he says "Start me up!"  and "I'm runnin' hot". He is clearly fired up and ready to go plus the wand being a phallic symbol. 8ofW because he is very clearly communicating the action he desires to take. Knight of Wands because we all know Knights take action and this knight  is all about heat, fire and passion. Now one could say that he's all fire that burns out quickly. All I will say with regard to that is this has NOT been my experience lmao. The 6ofP because it seems to be a.... reciprocal relationship. Refer to the line, "You make a grown man cry! You'd make a dead man cum!" LMAO

The newer stuff that The Stones put out does not appeal to a lot of their fans, but I really like a lot of it. This next song is so moving to me and makes my heart hurt when I hear him sing it. It comes from a place that is so raw and so real. "Almost Here You Sigh" - 5 of cups, Rx Ace of Cups, Rx 2 of cups, Rx 10 of cups, Rx 9 of cups, Rx Star XVII, Rx Queen of Swords, 3 of swords, 9 of swords - The  5ofC because there is so much regret and sorrow, 3ofSw because you can feel how much his heart is breaking. Rx 10ofC because it just feels like he is missing a sense of "home". Rx QofSw because sighing makes me think of breath, air and she has "... that stone cold look in your eye."  Rx AofC and Rx 2ofC because it sounds as if they have tried to make it work, to reconcile and heal the relationship, but no matter how much he wishes with all his heart, Rx 9ofC, he has lost all hope, Rx Star and knows it is over. But he still asks, "Will I wake up in the morning and find out it's been a bad dream". Hence the 9ofSw.

Here is another one that just breaks my heart when I hear it. Keith Richards actually sings this one and even though one could easily argue that he sounds like a cat in heat who is drowning, I think it is a heart-wrenchingly beautiful song. Again, just raw, honest pain. "Thru and Thru" -  Rx Lovers VI, The Hanged Man XII, Rx Knight of Cups, 3 of Swords, Rx Page of Cups -  I chose the Lovers VI Rx because of the line, "And you know this love is constant, I'm your lover baby thru and thru". He is still so in love and he has no choice in the fact that it it is over. "Any minute, any hour, I'm waiting on a call from you" shows The Hanged Man and the Rx Pg of Cups. The 3ofSw shows his broken heart and his is hoping and trying so hard, but getting nowhere makes me think of the Knt of Cups.


The last song is "Get Off Of My Cloud" - Ace of Swords, 9 of cups - The man just wishes for nothing more that to be left the hell alone and for people to stop raining on his parade and trying to steal his joy lol! "Don't hang around because two is a crowd"

 I have only had the opportunity to see The Stones live once and it was on the Steel Wheels tour. If you ever get a chance to see them, even if you only like them a little bit, GO! They put on an amazing show that was over 3 HOURS! And Mick does not stop for that entire time! I always thought they were ok, but it was when I went to to see them live that I became a true fan. I'd love to hear what cards you guys would choose for these songs or any other Stones tunes so please do comment.

My First Football Predictions

I really enjoyed the posts that Kiki made about her football predictions.  Tonight is a huge college ball game. I don't' really do college football, but in Louisiana, LSU football is not a game; it's a religion! So tonight's game is very serious business. No. 1 ranked LSU vs #2 ranked Alabama. So last night I did a couple of readings on football games, including tonight's. Whenever I do readings for more than one person or group, I always do the opposition or the visitor first. Here is what I got.

ALABAMA at LSU
1. Alabama - 5 of swords - Just look at how the two birds are scowling and angry. It looks like Alabama will be very happy at the end of this game. They always say "Roll Tide!" Looks to me like the tide will roll right on out on them.
2. LSU - Strength VIII - LMAO I had to crack up when I saw this card and if you know anything about LSU you'll easily see why. First, their colors are purple and gold. Second, their mascot is the Tiger. I mean, really, need I say more??
3. Outcome - 10 of pentacles - Not really sure how to take this, other than maybe there will be a 10 point differnce in the score at the end of the game.

*Ok, I did this reading in the wee hours of the morning and right now the game is actually on. It is half time and things are not looking really pretty for LSU. We are down by a score of 9-0. Now, they say that LSU is know to be able to come back strong on the second half of a game. Let's hope so, cause right now it ain't looking real pretty. But I did read in the paper that one of the  most well know psychics in NOLA who is a reader at Bottom of the Cup Tea Room did a reading and he also predicted that LSU would be the winner. Let's hope we are both right.

STEELERS vs BRONCOS
Another reading I did was totally hind-sight. My Pittsburgh Steelers where in the playoffs and were playing the Denver Broncos last night. Everyone had picked them as the favorite to win. Long and unpleasant story made short, we lost in overtime. But I just wanted to see what the cards would say. Kind of testing my predictive abilities, wondering if the cards would show what I already knew to be the cold, hard truth.

Denver Broncos - 2 of cups - Happiness, joy and positive emotions. Yup. That is exactly what Denver is feeling because they damn sure won.
Pittsburgh Steelers - 4 of swords - This is exactly what we did! We were just lunchin', just not focused and not playing the aggressive, well-planned and well executed type of style that we are known for playing and over the years has earned us 6 SuperBowls, the most of any NFL team. We were like we were half asleep. Our game was sloppy. Denver just plain out and out won fair and square and played a much better game than we did and that is why they won.
Outcome - 4 of coins - Look how sad she looks. And this is how me, all Steeler fans, and the team looked. Despondent and worn out. It also makes me think of how many injured players we had that we had to "save" and not risk injury.

The other thing I notice about the 2 of cups is the fact that it is a water card and is about the close relationship between two people. Now here is where it gets ultra-freaky folks. Tim Tebow is the Denver Broncos' quarterback and is very public about his devout Christianity, his relationship with Christ.
Tebow's parents were missionaries. While in whatever country they were serving , his mother caught some horrific parasite. When she went to be treated she found out she was pregnant. The doctors advised her to abort the fetus. She and her husband prayed and asked God if He would give them a healthy child, they would raise this child to be a prophet in His name and to spread His word. There is a specific scripture that says, "For God soloved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeith in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life."  That  passage is John 3:16. In college he used to have "John 3:16" written under his eyes as opposed to the plain stripe of black face paint they wear to fight the glare. The game went into O/T.
 •The man threw for an a total of 316 yards. They are a team who runs the ball far more than passing it. They won. In O/T. With a pass. the yardage of that pass ended the game. It was the 316th yard.
• His average pass was 31.6 yards
•Our QB for the Steelers threw an interception in the 2nd quarter - IT WAS ON 3rd and 16
•The overnight rating is the average of households that watch a certain tv show. This game - 31.6%
 Click here to see the stats for yourself.
Ok, I don't care if you are Christian, Pagan, Buddhist, Atheist, Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or belong to that cult that worshipped the Hale-Bop Comet! There is NO way you can say anything less than that is more than just coincidence. Actually, at least 4 coincidences! I don't think Denver will go on to the SuperBowl. I don't think that is what it is about. I think it is about exactly what it seems. That man made a promise to God and has kept it! I will not air dirty laundry about my team. But the card I drew was the 5 of swords, the card of winning at any cost and in such a way that is cruel and immoral. Given certain situations that occurred over the past couple of years that could be described as unscrupulous at best! I think it is also one hell of a "coincidence" that we lost to a man who carries himself as a fine, upstanding man. A man who is in one of the grittiest, most harsh, macho careers, yet proudly lets it be known without being overbearing that he is a follower of Christ. I'm just sayin'....


so I did one more reading. I asked "Who is going to the SuperBowl?"

Team A - New England Patriots - I so do not want them to win another SuperBowl. But their colors are Blue and silver with a touch of red. Before I shuffled I said that if a sword came up or a wintery scene, I would take it as the Patriots.
Team B - New Orleans Saints - As soon as I saw this card I thought of a parade, Mardi Gras.

*I just found out the score of tonight's game. I could not have been more wrong if I tried. Alabama beat the living tar out of us!!! 21-0 *sigh* I'm sad we lost, and I'm sad I was SO far off the mark. Going to have to make sure I don't let this rock my confidence....

Pure Pleasure Seeker

I decided to use my Crowley deck today. I've had it for years, like, over 10, and as beautiful as it is, as much as so many readers absolutely love it and think it is one of the greatest decks ever created in the history of tarot, and as much as I respect it, it just doesn't grab me like it does so many readers. For some odd reason, today it did. Which is a really great thing because I made up my mind quite some time ago that while I will have my favorites, I want to be able to read any deck I put my hands on. For me, it's all about letting go of fear and doubt in my capabilities as a reader.

I don't usually do reverse cards, but some decks I do. It's like different decks are like different people and want to be treated differently based on who they are and how they roll. Crowley, he rolls with Rx cards.

The Star XVII Rx, The Devil XV, The Hanged Man XII Rx
Of course my ole buddy The Devil stands out the most, but for some reason I am not afraid of him today, which is really cool considering this card is all about fear. I see that goat standing there looking all confident and expressing his Capricorn stubbornness, or more to the point, the flip side of that word which I think is tenacity. He says that my Capricorn ass needs to not be trapped by fear and doubt and allow it to hold me hostage any longer. When I see the people in the bubbles below him it looks like they are trapped. The bubbles look like cells that are going through meiosis or mitosis (I'm not a Bio major folks lol) which is about changes that are imperative for growth and maturity at a very basic level. The goat's third eye is wide open, telling me to tap into my inner voice and wisdom on how to do this, not what others think of me. (It's also telling me to trust in myself as a reader!) Which I needed to hear since I have had my panties in a major wad because of a conversation with a dear friend last night and her opinion of how I am in the very fucked up state my life is currently in. The Hanged Man Rx is just confirming that is it is time for me to wake up and take action and not get stuck in my ways or cut off my nose to spite my face, a major Capricorn thing to do! It is reminding me that God helps those who help themselves, so I need to be more active in freeing myself from the lack of faith that is keeping me stuck in repeating cycles that get me pretty bad results. That Rx Star is kinda saying the same thing, reminding me to keep the faith and not to give up hope because I can heal my life, the power is at my disposal. This trio is Air/Earth/Water = Having the desire to create stability but not needing to create the proper mind-set to take necessary action/not letting negative thoughts cloud your heart's desire from becoming reality.

The Card at the bottom is the 5 of Swords. This is that nasty cardI got yesterday and last week that involves shit-talking and harsh thoughts and words about you from others. I like Crowley's take on this card. He has titled it "Defeat". If I let others opinions of me in my head they will feed my own negative thoughts about myself and I will be defeated. Note how he has used the reverse pentagram. This symbol gets such a bad rap from those who don't know any better. When the single point is facing upward it IS positive. When it is not, as he shows it here, it shows the more negative aspects of the symbol. That's a lesson for another post, but for now, just know that this way it shows putting pleasures of the flesh or earthly desires above Spirit. Which goes in perfect sync with that Devil card who is all about earthly desires. And please understand, there is nothing wrong with earthly desires! It is when we put them above our spiritual needs and common sense that we get ourselves in trouble. It makes me think of Charlie Sheen: "Winning!!" Naw sweetie, "Defeated!"
Another bit of confirmation on these cards is the Astrological associations of this set. Aquarius the humanitarian represents The Star. I met with my g/f who is one of the biggest humanitarians I've ever known and has done more than I can even begin to explain to help me rehab my back and my life in general. She is a an Aquarius. And then I end up seeing an old friend I haven't seen in a couple of years who was telling me all about how he had let his earthly desires dominate his life to a really dangerous point. He went to rehab and has been clean and sober for over a year and looks and sounds so grounded and so on top of his life! I am so proud of and excited for him. And yes, he is a Capricorn! lol In fact I'm on my way to meet him and go to an AA meeting with him. If you've never been to one, do yourself a huge favor, go! Am I an addict To drugs/alcohol no. To my own negative behavior patterns that keep me in a dark, negative state? You bettcha. You'd be amazed at the skills you will learn that can help you get your shit togther even if you ar a T-totaler! (Note: DO NOT speak, just SHUT UP and be present and NON JUDGEMENTAL!!! Some folks will welcome you with open arms for being open-minded or supporting a loved one. Others might rip you a brand new ass for your non-drug or alcohol addicted ass in their safe place! Ask me how I know!)

*Again with proof my tarot Spidey senses are spot on, how crazy is it that this song by one of my all time favorite groups came on my Pandora.

Summer Solstice Reading 6/21/11

Today is the summer solstice, or as many would call it, Mid-Summer. It is the longest day of the year, when the sun is at its zenith, and marks the first day of summer. Mid-Summer has a lot of energy that goes with it. It is a great day to focus on healing, prosperity, relationships, fertility, finances and ways of creating happiness and joy. So I decided to ask the cards what message they have for me today.

I must say....not real pleased at first glance man! WTH?! Ok, lets take a closer look and see what to make of this.

9 of Swords, The High Priestess II, and the 5 of Swords
The E.D. are air/water/air, which to me makes fog. I will need to keep clear head and not let my emotions make me confused. A bit of a task for me ya know.

The only card that makes me feel any kind of positivity is the High Priestess, my favorite card of any deck. But next to these two janky cards, I just don't know! I think She is trying to tell me that I have GOT to follow my own path and stop stressing about what others think of me! My life, my choices, my call to make. I have to turn inward to find the way that is best for me. I have to learn to trust mySelf. 9ofSw is the nightmare card, and I kinda remember having a few the other night. 5ofSw is such a nasty card! And being next to the HP I wonder if it is a woman who is talking shit and causing dissension with regard to me. Unfortunately I can see where that is totally possible right now. It could also be my own mind. As the tag line for this blog says, "There are 5 chicks in my head and all of them have way too much to say. These are their stories." So it could be the nonstop chatter in my own mind that keeps me so stressed and in a state of fear and doubt. Uncle Al is attacking this poor man on the card. Is that just me attacking me?? And is it the 5ofSw in my head that is keeping my inner HP from being able to have a voice and show me the path to my own feminine power that I can never seem to stay on? Quite probable, but I drew one more card to see if I could get a bit more clarity, and the 8 of Cups came up and the 10 of Pentacles is on the bottom. This takes me back to the possible shit-talking female. I may be moving again and, and it may not be under the best conditions. 

8 of Cups, 10 of Pentacles 

Crap.

This is SO not anywhere near what I was expecting, but I guess the cards tell you what you need to know, whether you like it or not. 

NOT!!!

Something Wicked This Way Comes...

Well hell and damnation!!! I decided to ask the cards what does this next week hold for me and i get The Fool 0, The Tower XVI and the 5 of swords!!! WTF!??! In the same day I have managed to pull the damn 5ofSw twice! And to have it next to The Tower XVI is like gasoline to the fire! My eye was drawn to paper in the fireplace first. Are missing or destroyed documents in question? The one thing I must say about the way The Faulkner Tarot depicts this card is that it is at least a contained fire and does seem like total devastation. But that nasty, nasty 5ofSw makes me wonder what unpleasant and nasty surprise do I need to be aware of. Since The Fool 0 is here and the gypsy meaning for it is moving, I really pray it has nothing to do with my new residence. Either way, I will really pray for the protection and happiness of both me and my enemies in hopes of diffusing what looks to be something very ugly, mean, and nasty where no one will win and irreparable damage is done.

So now I have to ask: What can I do to prevent this or to protect myself?

The Wheel X, the 7 of swords, 3 of cups. I am drawn first to the center of The Wheel and think I want to look up Rhiannon's meaning of when that draws your attention first. It is the "good luck" card, yet its' right next to the nasty bad luck of the 7ofSw which is all about lies and thievery and cheating. I really do not like this because The Wheel is all about karma and how sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug and with that 7 next to it, it says to me my luck ain't so good and being the bug is beyond my control this week. And the woman pictured is walking under a ladder which we all know is complete bad luck! With the 3ofc next to that, the first thing that popped into  my head was "commitment", and next to the 7ofSw I'd say the end of one. Man I hope this room mate shit doesn't get even worse. The only way around this that i can see is to at least try to avoid any situations where I would be at risk and to be true to my commitment to my principles and to myself.

Daily Reading 3/6/11

Well I see what this is in reference to straight away. The card at the bottom of the deck, the 8 of cups, is exactly what this is all about. My old room mate telling me I needed to find another place to live while I was out of town. And we can see me leaving out with my bag in this card. The 5 of swords makes me nervous that this is gonna get even nastier. She called me yesterday. It's like she wants to act like nothing ever happened and out interaction is to continue just like any other day. I was polite, but not warm. At the end of the conversation she said I love you. I just said goodbye. I heard her laugh as she was hanging up, as if to say to me that she took note of that and say to hell with me too. The 4 of pentacles shows the fact that I have no savings because I have gone through it since my back has been hurt. In the 9 of wands, that's me, hot under the collar and feeling under the gun because since my name is not on a lease, that could end up happening again. I woke up several times through out the night thinking of yesterday's phone interaction and feeling so anxious and unsettled. I have got to take charge of my life and stop putting myself in situations where others have power over me and can choose to use it against me when I least expect it. 

The Fool, The Moon, and the 5 of Swords

Ok, so it's the end of the day, but here's what I got, and it's kinda funky to me. Especially since I went over to my old residence and got more of my belongings. Now I must say, things went FAR better than I anticipated. I guess we are supposed to just act like nothing ever happened and we are all hunky-dory....what the hell ever man. She is quite clearly fine with the decision she made to tell me I needed to find another place to stay. Over the phone. Initially in a text msg. While I was 800 miles away. Without the slightest provocation. (Or so she says. Obviously;  she was provoked.) I have been praying very hard to forgive, meaning to let the hurt go and not carry it around like a medal on my chest. But our friendship will never be the same.

So having said all that, the cards I got just now are as follows: The Fool 0, The Moon XVIII, and the 5 of Swords. WTH!? The Fool is all about new beginnings, a fresh start in life. And the gypsy meaning is "new home". Well we see the validity of that! The first thing my eye was drawn to was the dark little island. I see it and I feel cold and closed in and alone. It looks like I'm just trapped by all that water. And then to be next to The Moon? Not making me feel any better. You need to understand that The Moon has always been one of my two favorite cards in any deck (the other is the High Priestess II, and too has a very strong connection to the moon.) I've always loved the moon that sits up in the sky. For as long as I can remember I've felt compelled to stare and the moon, literally drawn to Her. I have done what is called "drawing down the moon." For those of you who don't know what that is, I can make another post at some point to explain it. (I talk like I actually have even one follower on this damn blog lol) For those of you who do, then you know how much I love and respect the Moon. But to see it placed next to The Fool and the fact that I didn't get a good vibe from that card is not making me feel the usual love I get from the sight of this card. Does The Fool next to The Moon mean "new beginning or start to uncovering the truth"??  To add insult to injury, the freakin' nasty nasty 5ofSw is the other card!!! Eewww!! Or maybe Yikes!! To quote Rhiannon, "the massive argument card. No winning with this one. People absolutely attacking each other and they look absolutely evil! There's no good side." The Moon in it's "darker" aspect is trickery, lies, deception, hidden truths, and just plumb crazy madness. I see Uncle Al on the 5ofSw and his cigarette hanging out of his mouth and I am instantly remembering the scene in the Clint Eastwood movie Grand Torino (absolutely one of the best movies I've ever seen!!!) where that horrid little asshole kid attacks and burns one of the main characters in the face with his cigarette. One of the basic points to the plot was how destructive and cruel racism is. This particular scene was not about racism, but about just being cruel and a horrible bully to hurt someone because they won't do something bad or wrong that you want them to do. I will have to keep this in my mental Roladex of interpretations of the 5ofSw because that is exactly what this card is all about.

This reading is showing me that my suspicions about the situation with my former roommate are dead on. There are 2 majors out of only 3 cards because this was a very major event in my life and I have a lot of lessons I am learning. Her boyfriend is in fact a racist and and bully. The bad or wrong thing he wanted her to do was to throw me out. They have had the physical altercations that are pictured in the card. They both smoke. He has dark hair, she has light. She and I would have a wonderful day together, then he'd come over, as he did every single day, and the entire tone of the house would change. I'd stay closed up in my room, her in hers, him out in the living room being all miserable. That's why I saw and felt what I did in The Fool card, and why it was time for me to get out of that dark, closed off place. And how she felt too. The Moon just confirms that his shady ass is that hidden element that is at the root of our friendship being so damaged. And believe me when I say that both the emotional and the physical issues are very much kept secret! No one really has any idea of how bad this situation really is between the two of them. Now that I am trying to see the card combination meaning, The Moon in a reading (and damn sure it it is next to!) the 5ofSw to me says emotionally abusive relationship all day long!!! And then you wanna have The Fool next to that! It makes that card go from a wonderful new thing to meaning actually "playing the fool".  And the 0 on the card makes me think of emptiness, worthlessness, no value, and a place holder. Like, "I'd rather have this worthless zero in my life as a place holder than to face the emptiness I feel from being alone."

So something made me go to the Tarot Eon blog.....

The bottom card is the 7 of Wands. This shows the stress of this messed up situation. It also shows how torn I am. The 7 of Wands is a card of valor and honor. Of standing up for what you know is right regardless of how difficult it may be. I am so torn. There is a huge part of me that still loves my old room mate dearly and wants to protect her. There is an even bigger part that has tried for a year and a half to protect her and help her to see the reality of her situation and numerous times she has let shown me with crystal clarity she is choosing to stay in this relationship at all costs. I did everything I could do, even to my own detriment. Maybe she feels the same way about me. All I can do now is hope she will make better choices. Somehow, I sadly do not think she will.

For the love of God; guess who just text me. Like it's just another day, telling me a funny little story, like nothing bad ever happened. You gotta be kidding me....