Should I Teach Tarot?

I've been considering teaching a tarot course for a very long time. I asked the cards today about that.

1. General energy surrounding the matter - 7 of pentacles - I've been waiting a long time to see this through and actually manifest as a reality and the time is nigh. I've been through a whole lot of shit, but that will only make the course that much more well-rounded, informative and meaningful to myself and my students. This has the potential to profitable, though it may be a bit slow going initially. Don't give up! It will also lead to numerous other opportunities I can't yet see. Don't be upset with myself for not doing it sooner, it'll prove worth the wait. But it's time to roll up my sleeves, put actual time and planning and do the work necessary to get the result I want. The rewards will not just be financial gain, but a sting sense of pride and accomplishment. (I started working on the course this afternoon *smile*)

2. Why should I do it? - 9 of pentacles - Self. Sufficient. Woman! This completely Amen's everything the 7ofP just said with neon. I'm also getting that my spirits are poised and ready to assist me.

3. Why I shouldn't do it? - The Star XVII - Not one good reason not to! So tell the voice of self doubt that is so ready to point out all may flaws and past failures to kiss where the sun don't shine! I have so many angles surrounding me and supporting me it's ridiculous. If I don't do this, I'll be doing such a great dis-service to mySelf as well as others exponentially. Touching touching people's lives through tarot is my dream, my passion. I have the potentially to be every bit as successful, inspirational, and healing as the people I most admire. My fear has always been that it would take a miracle - well here it is delivered with sparkling pixie dust and the assistance of an entire Legion. I also see this as confirmation that I will incorporate what I am learning through my crystal healing course I'm taking from Hibiscus Moon and yet further confirmation that I am to take an angel healing course (Doreen Virture?? Mayyybe. Maybe through someone else. Either way, do it.)

I pulled a card from my Earth Magic Oracle by Dr. Steven Farmer to ask how I can best tap into the energies and desires above. I got Meadow. I'll let the pictures from tonight's walk explain how the Universe provided an opportunity to do so.

 

 

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Self-care Through Solitude - Day 63

I felt called to use the Incedental Tarot tonight and came up with the 9 of Oaks (pentacles). We see a mighty oak tree with a large, strong trunk that seems firmly rooted and numerous branches with a broad canopy. The tree is encircled by a wreath of oak leaves and 9 acorns. This card for me usually means independence and being comfortable in one's own skin. However, tonight it just feels like the powerful need for the elusive blessing of solitude in order to feel grounded as well as the need to be able to self support. That comes from the master 9 from the major arcana, The Hermit IX. It also draws on feelings of self-doubt and anger which cause me to withdraw and put up barriers. I totally get it since this is how I'm feeling a lot these days. Today I found out someone I care for very deeply is moving away. Though this will be such a good thing for him and that brings me enormous joy because he is such a beautiful soul, I felt a kind of sadness and loss that really kinda took me by surprise and went very deep. I didn't realize how much he means to me until I read the words saying he is moving. *sarcastic laugh* Ain't that always the way. But he and I are both too wounded to pursue the feelings that I now see are there. He's got PTSD from Iraq (though Veterans in general have a massive place in my heart, been down that road before!) and I've got the craziness that is my life right now so that'd just be some toxic bullshit. And I do recognize my tears where also reflecting pain from other relationships and friendships that have ended for one reason or other. When I said something to him today that reflected the afore mentioned kind of skewed self image, he text me the most beautiful picture. I made it my phone's screen saver. I need to be reminded of this message.

 

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Relationship Reading: Chuck and Sparkle

A friend asked me for a reading on a love interest. I decided to try Rhiannon's relationship spread using her deck the Faulkner Tarot. She has a fabulous YouTube video on how to do it. This spread involves a lot of cards, 16 of them. I had a hard time trying to figure out how I was going to take picture of the cards. Should I break it up with several pictures in groups? I chose not to and to do a shot of the entire spread so we could actually see the cool way she lays the cards out. I just put it in the middle of the reading. If you click on the picture it will enlarge it so you can see the cards in more detail.

1-3. What does Sparkle bring into the relationship? Well, all three cards are swords, so right off the bat that tells me that Sparkle is very stressed about realtionships and that she may need to work on her communication skills. Perhaps she can be a bit cold or use her words as weapons. First card is the 9 of swords- aka "the nightmare card" which reiterates the stress and often times actual nightmares. Being right next to Justice XI this shows her recent divorce is still very fresh in her mind. It seems she was in a relationship that was extremly painful and her heart is still very heavy. Next to it is the 4 of swords, the card that says you need to rest and take care of yourself. All together, this group is telling me that she needs to take time to heal from a whole lot of nasty shit from the past that still haunts her. Letting go of old ghosts that still haunt her. Everything is energy and the energy of her past relationship or her ex is still clinging to her spirit, which makes all the sense in the world. Even though we know it's best to leave a situation it doesn't take away the pain. Right now, I see her bringing a lot of old wounds and a need for self-care and nurturing. It's great to see she has learned to set boundaries, but I fear she has set up walls.

3-6. What Chuck brings to the reationship? He seems to bring a lot more emotion and openness than Sparkle, but he still has his own apprehention and fear. The first card is the 3 of cups. I think Chuck wants a good healthy relationship, commitment, something where he feels safe and supported, but also fun and happy times they can share together. The next card, the Ace of Swords, shows he is still scared a bit shitless but wants to take the plunge, break out of his comfort zone. Is he afraid of loosing his personal freedom if he gets into a relationship? And this next card is the Queen of Cups. Who is she? Is she the woman from his past who may have been emotionally manipulative? Did she not treat him as an equal or does he have some "mamma's boy" tendencies?

7. How Sparkle sees Chuck- Page of wands- Chuck seems like his ass is a whole lot of fun! She sees him as wild, adventurous, and sexy as hell! Chuck really makes her all tingly in naughty places lol! She sees him as a break from the monotony of life and a fresh new start.

8. How Chuck sees Sparkle- 6 of Swords- This makes me think that the Qof C we jsut saw is someone from his past. He sees Sparkle as moving on to a less stressful time. Someone he can do fun and romatic things and who will appreciate him for it. But he also sees her as hiding something. He sees that wall she has up.

9. How did Sparkle first see Chuck? When they first met, what did she think? - The Hanged Man XII- She saw him as a very strong possibility she wanted to pursue, but she saw his apprehention, his need to take things slowly and in his own time. I like how this shows that she has learned from her past to see a person as they are, not who she wants them to be.

10. How did Chuck see Sparkle when they first met?- 2 of pentacles- He saw her stress and trying to find her footing and balance in her life. He saw she needs to take things slowly as well. I also think he saw that she is the type of person who is such a giver and that she gave so much of herself in the past yet never had it balanced out with recieving from her ex that she is just tapped out at the moment and needs to continue working on her own needs. I like that, it shows he thinks about others and not only himself.

11. What are Sparkle's fears that could block this relationship? 9 of pentacles- Well Chuck ain't the only one who fears loosing his independence huh. The 9ofP is all about someone who has worked long and hard to get to wear they are. A person who has learned to love themselves and is very independant. They like the company of others, yes, but they do not need anyone else! Her fear of loosing herself in the relationship in another person could block thngs.

12. What are Chuck's fears?- Knight of Cups- I think he fears getting all caught up in the romance of it and I also think he fears rejection. Is there a shy aspect of Chuck? Or is it again that QofC from his past who kicked his ass emotionally and made him insecure? This man needs a lot of emotional reassurance.

13. Outside influences in Sparkle's world- The Lovers VI- I feel this goes back to her divorce since this card often has to do with marriage. It also has to do with choices and balancing the head with the heart. Are there issues other than the ones already mentioned that are major choices in Sparkle's world that are making her have to choose what road to take?

14. Outside influences in Chuck's world? The Knight of Pentacles- Is work or money making and planning for the future in a slow methodical way a major factor in his world that would infuence him? Or does he see that this relationship would be a lot of hard work and he is trying to go very slowly to see if it's worth it. Not in a cruel way or that he is seeing Sparkle in a negative light, just a mature assement of of his life and what is best.

15. Outcome- 5 of swords- I hate to say it, but I have to be honest in my readings. The 5ofSw is just a nasty card that really doesn't have a good side to it. I see the two of them just rubbing eachother the wrong way and things getting nasty and stressful, bringing out the worst and not the best in each other. The 5ofSw is about gossip, and shit-talkin', and empty victories. Shit hits the fan and the gloves come off and people fight unfairly.

16. So I jsut had to check another card to see if there was anything else we could find out. I did the card at the bottom of the deck which sums it all up, the bottom line of it all.--Damn... 10 of Swords. I hate like hell to say it, but it does not look very promising to say the least for this relationship. 10ofSw is another one of the most nasty cards in the deck. It shows starting over, but from a place of a lot of pain and stress and emptiness. Which I guess kind of comes full circle from the first cards we laid out to begin with.

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Facing Fear About Another Move

The first thing I notice is that 4 outta 5 cards are water; I've got to get inspired (no wands cards), get grounded (no pentacles). At least there is one air card and it's a major. I chose to use a spread that Lisa uses on Tarotize. First card is the situation, card 2 is what's influencing it, 3 is advice or action to take, 4 is the outcome if card 3 is followed.

I have to post the pictures later unfortunately...

The 6 of cups today shows me how the girl is courageously yet calmly facing something very scary. Since this cards traditionally has to do with past emotional connections, I feel like she is telling me to think of past situations that I have dealt with scary things by choosing not to fight them but to face them head on. I have to do this like she is treating the bear. From a place of patience and calm and compassion. I tend to be very very hard on myself. The ground they are on looks like a turtle today for some reason. This is a slow process for me, but I have to keep going. And I have to do it at my own pace and not compare myself to other people who are much quicker in dealing with things. Yet the primary situation I am dealing with makes time a huge factor. It needs to be dealt with and a solution like yesterday! Or more like last week actually! The castle is so far away. I am still looking for an apartment and I am scared shitless. I ran from Hurricane Irene and ended up running to another tropical storm. I feel like this is telling me to face the fear of going back to Philly. It's really hard to look for a place there when I'm 900 miles away. Where will I sleep if I go back tomorrow?? That would be the big giant bear I have to face and what is making me very slow to want to go back.
What's crossing is Justice XI. I see the snake first and it looks like her sword has the snake pinned in place. I had a dream the other night about snakes all around me. They were however not actually hurting me physically. Again the theme of facing fears. Maybe I will find a sense of balance when I do. I see how very calm Lady Justice is and her soul is singing. Damn I wish my soul was a peace enough to sing. Her eyes are closed and she is concentrating of manifesting what her soul longs for. (This card also makes me think of a certain legal situation. Wonder if that is about to get wrapped up??)
Advice is to stop blaming myself for things beyond my control. Would I treat anyone else as harshly as I do my self? No. Balance my emotions. I see now there is a snake with a sword, but it is a caduceus here. And I notice they are on a bed. I need to get back to work with my trainer to continue to heal my back. And I do have to buy a new mattress.
The outcome seems to show a new chance for peace if I can just stay calm and ride out this storm. I see her looking ahead to something, so I will pull another card for clarity.
HA!! The 9 of Pentacles!! The card that is my ultimate goal of aside from the High Preistess and this deck has my absolute favorite version of it! It screams Independence, security, self-confidence and the financial means to take care of myself! It's like she is looking at the Ace of Cups and showing her she can do it!

Face to Face

So I got a message from an old friend I have not seen since the night we met back in '05, about a week before Hurricane Katrina. Then we found each other on FB a few years ago and occasionally say hey, what's up or Happy Birthday since we are one day apart. The chemistry between us is HOTTT!!! So he hit me up this evening via FB and text to let me know that he will be in town tomorrow. (Well, since it's 03:52 we can call it today huh.) I'm torn about seeing him. I really do want to. He's a really cool guy. But I have reservations about it for several reasons. A. I'm about 15lbs heavier than I should be. Now I'm very lucky that I carry my weight very well since I'm kinda tall and am lucky enough to have a pretty nice shape naturally. But 15 lbs too much is 15 lbs too much no matter how ya stack it!! And though he is almost 10 years older than I am, he is in amazing shape. He used to be a professional athlete and still looks like it!  2. is the fact that my back is has been so bad lately. Being in chronic pain is such (ok, here it comes...really bad pun) well, such a pain! Today I was walking around looking like a ward of the state and didn't get out of my pajamas until like 9:00 at night! And here I am in quite a bit of pain right now. It can make me cranky and not the best company to be around and often keeps me from going places and doing fun stuff. And 3. he works in the airline industry like I used to until I fell and damaged 9 disks. It's so hard to deal with the normal questions people ask: How are you? What are you up to? Where do you work? Well what do you do? How do you manage? Will you go back to flying? What do the doctors say? How long has it been? UGHHH!!! So all of that to say I have a few very deep insecurities that are keeping me from wanting to see him. I could always say that now isn't a good time for me, but that would only lead to the question "Why not?" since I have expressed that I'd really like to see him when he can get an overnight here. And to lie and say I'm not in town or something like that just seems dumb. I'm 39 and I'm gonna lie about anything much less dumb shit!?? I mean, for real!

So of course I had to consult the cards.
Holy. Cow. !
Sooo many things that are so perfectly descriptive of the dynamic between he and I!!! So I shall just name but a few.

First thing I notice straight away is that 3 out of 3 cards are Majors! And the first one is The Lovers VI! LOL And this version in the Tarot of the Sweet Twilight is so incredibly beautiful and romantic. I notice that the woman is nude as the man gently caresses her face. It shows how vulnerable I feel right now, how exposed to disclose what is going on (or not going on as the case may be) in my life right now. But I guess this also shows that he will be compassionate and accepting of me just as I am. Which, if he isn't, why be with him at all, regardless of what the dynamics are! The two lovers on the card are as if they are an island unto themselves. Maybe he needs to be alone with me and to feel safe too. And the way it is just floating in mid-air makes me think of us working on an aircraft, miles above the planet.
The next card is my beloved High Priestess II. I guess in many ways we are both a mystery to each other. And I think for him I really am. Talk about mystery and romance, we met on a hot summer night in the French Quarter and it was an instantaneous attraction about as subtle as white lightening streaking though the velvet sky just before the crack of thunder whips through the clouds before a rain storm. And I must say, I most definitely let my inner High Priestess II run the show! I look at this version of her and have to laugh. There is often a lot of "cat and mouse" interaction in our conversations. I see the High Priestess as an alluring seductress. Kinda hard to feel that way these days though. The look on the cat's face is more like how I feel! "Oh! Shit! He's gonna see through the veil! I'm no good at game playing and so I won't be able to keep up the facade that my life is going just fantastic!" I also notice that the High Priestess II has her back to the next card, the Emperor IV, who clearly has two sides to who he is and is fine with letting me see both. This card is represents a man who is powerful and has good business sense, posses a lot of character and strength and has his shit together. As a pilot, this card really could be a good one to represent him.  It's like the Priestess has her back to him and is looking off into the distance into the "if only..." that is not my reality at this time. And he is looking dead at me. I'm gonna have to face him, yet I still want to retain some air of mystery and magnetism with him. If this card is here, then so far I have. But can I keep that?? The High Priestess is the woman that a man is drawn to like a bee to honey, or more appropriately, the ocean to the moon. Even when he is not consciously thinking of her, she is not that far away from his thoughts. She's under his skin. Even if they don't see each other or speak often, he never forgets her or how she makes him feel. It also shows how he had confided in me about a lot of personal thoughts and feelings about himself and his life.

The card at the bottom of the deck is the 9 of Pentacles. This is by FAR  my very FAVORITE 9ofP and dare I say the best interpretation I have ever seen!!! I was looking at it earlier today and for some reason was thinking about New Orleans! This card just screams everything I think the 9ofP is all about and everything I want for my life, The deep red says passion, as a personality trait, but a passion for life. She's Catwoman for Goddess' sake! The 9ofP is about a woman who is confident and strong and has not had anything handed to her easily, but has worked hard to attain what she has and is very comfortable and financially secure but also very secure within herself. She chooses to be with others is she so desires, but she is very independent and no matter what, she always lands on her feet! It's like the High Priestess has changed outfits, still looking off into the distance, only here she looks so much more content and at ease. Is it because she has her mask on? This deck is sooo Tim Burton-esque! I now hear the the lines  spoken and the song that was in Batman Returns when Michelle Pfipher/Selina Kyle was at the party dancing with Bruce Wayne/Michael Keaton. It was "Face to Face" by Siouxsie and the Banshees and it is one of my very favorite songs. "Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it. But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it." We have spoken many times, but this will be the first time in 6 yrs (!!! Holy shit Batman, where in the world does time go!?!??!) seeing each other face-to-face. I wonder if either of us will really take of our mask or if when we kiss, will we allow ourselves to mean it...



**Update-- This reading couldn't have been more accurate lol! I am so glad I did this reading and took its advice. It was so nice to see him and I could tell my guides putting the Siouxsie song and the Catwoman/Batman dynamic into my head was so accurate. And when I took of my mask to a good degree, he did as well. And boy was I pleasntly surprised. I was so afraid he would see my life as one big giant hot mess and judge me. Meanwhile, he spoke very briefly, yet finished my sentences as though he read my mind, only he spoke in first person. And in that moment I was so very glad I did go to see him. And as opposed to feeling down on my self and how my life has been for the past few years, I felt understood and accepted. My God, what better gift can you give another person. I don't know if it ever struck me so deeply that there actually can be a greater gift than love.
And I also felt like a school girl having her first kiss that night! LOL I kept thinking of this song: 

** Why the hell this is so damn large is beyond me LOL!!