I'm pleased to report that my tarot course curriculum is coming along! Not as quickly as I'd like for it to, but it is coming. I've written out the lesson plans for all of the majors, the wands suit, and most of the cups. Today was even slower progress than usual and it has me super frustrated. So I decided to ask th cards how I can improve my progress.
I first asked my Earth Magic Oracle what the energy of the day would be - Fog (veiled) - Well that explains how I'm feeling quite perfectly. As I see the sun's rays shining through and burning it away I realize that I just have to be patient and accept I feel confused and like I can't see where this is going to go, if it will go anywhere. The way will become more clear as I go through the day. Find things to remain positive and excited.
Jumper - The Queen of Pentacles - My personal significator jumped out as I was shuffling. This is such a beautiful version of it. I need to stay true to mySelf as I work on this project. It's so important for a Capricorn to maintain a solid sense of integrity with anything that their name is associated. I'm drawn to her plumeria flowers which represent beauty, charm and grace, three traits very much associated with Capricorn females. The beautiful pentacle shines like a star at her third eye chakra. All of this tells me to be patient with myself, be true to myself, and that will allow me to connect with Divine energy and convey messages from Spirit with clarity. This Queen also bodes quite well for the success of any business venture.
1. What will help me? - The Chariot VII - I need to see this as already accomplished. It is done. Like Jesse Jackson used to say, "Keep your eyes on the prize." This is really reinforcing what the Fog card said. When I get frustrated with myself, I get of course. Negative self-talk brings me to a halt. Some days I may make more progress than others, some days less. That's not what matters, only that I stay focused. I think creating a template for how I write each lesson will do that for me as well as my students as they work through each lesson. I also need to know when I need to take a break and do it without guilt. Just like when driving. If you're too tired, pull over and get some fresh air, a snack, take a nap. Then get back on the road feeling refreshed in stead of lethargic and pressured.
2. What's hindering me? - 5 of wands - Waaayyyy too much negative self-talk is just wearing me the hell out! I won't let my students beat up on themselves, so why allow it in my own head?! I'm using my own energy as a weapon against me. The only thing I'm creating is unnecessary drama,mkilling my spirit and getting me no where fast.
3. Bottom line - 3 of swords - I'm still so heartbroken about Selene's death. It is really fucking with my head. I swear everywhere I look I see people with their dogs. I've got to work through the grief, anger and guilt. Maybe I will dedicate the course to her. I won't go into what all that means right now because I don't feel like crying but I can see where it can help me to heal. I think this is the most beautiful 3ofSw of any deck and it really does capture the essence of the cards meaning.
Tonight I am very grateful to my niece for letting me borrow her brand new, deliciously dark, Gothic Tarot. This deck had been on my wish list for ever and a day. I've drawn the 3 of swords. Normally, I'd be so sad to have pulled this card that usually symbolizes such sorrow, heartache, pain. I also find it quite often means infidelity. But it has come to represent something else as a reader and tonight that gives mixed feelings of caution and comfort. This looks like a beautiful drawing of Ezili Danto's veve. Danto is a Haitian spirit who is extremely protective of women and children and she loves knives. Veve's are drawings that act as calling cards to a particular spirit. I will take this as a sign that Mamma Danto is around me. Anyone with ill intent would do wise to steer clear.
I had such a good day today with my amazing friend Michaelle, so to get this card is quite a shock. And a shocking card this is to say the least, good God! I mean I know the 3 of swords is a most unpleasant card unless there are some pretty wonderful ones around it, but this is one extreme ass, melodramatic statement. All I can think is that this is to remind me that no matter how bad my life may be I can promise, it damn sure ain't even close to this! So here's to reminders of the joys I am blessed with in the midst of the bullshit.
Hello all, I know it's been forever and 2 days since I blogged on here. It's nice to be back since on the blog where I am 100%, unapologetically Krysten. I've been trying to do more with my CreoleMoon.blogspot.com blog (I'm not as raw, nor is it as personal. If you know about this one, please check that one out, but I'm not publisizing this one over there. If they trip over this one, whatever.) Then there was the shit show that was Nov 27-Dec 24! Omfg! What a fucking nightmare! The short version, oral surgery! Dear Lord Baby Jesus the pain. Cliff Notes: a piece of drill bit from a root canal done 15-20 years ago was left on the root of my lower left molar. Yes.... You read that correctly. So after all these years my body took notice and decided to reject the foreign object. That caused decay very quickly that made the root unsalvageable. Thus necessitating an extraction. And that resulted in the particular brand of hell known as dry socket, pain that my oral surgeon said is on par with kidney stones and child birth. I've only had of the two of those and I must agree. It is mind-numbing-want-to-kill-yourself agoney! And of course she said mine was one of the worst she'd ever seen. Nice... It is basically exposed nerve and bone marrow. I will never use the term "getting on my damn nerves" so casually ever again.
But! I was able to eat something besides soup and apple sauce just in time for my birthday! The night before I was taken to a fabulous birthday dinner by my dear friend Michaelle and her significant other.I took a chance and ordered the fillet and it was tender as a Mother's love! What a wonderful Christmas Eve!
(I do not know what the fuck I'd have done without Michaelle throughout that month long experience in a scene from Hellraiser. I now refer to her affectionately as "my wife". Also eternal gratitude to Willow, Xan, Vernon, Richard, Jay and Levi, Michael, my oral surgeon and her staff of angels, my neighbors, and the recreational drug users who saved my life by contributing to the cause in my time if need before I could be seen by the endodontist and oral surgeon and get my Rx. Do I agree with recreational drug use? Hell no. Am I grateful I know folks who do? Hell yes.)
Another wonderful and amazing thing has been working with the unbelievable TarotDame, Kiki! OMG she has been amazing! I am forever grateful to the life changing skills she is teaching me through our personal coaching sessions! If you want to learn how to manifest the life you are meant to live, don't delay any longer! She is so nurturing, compassionate, and her teaching tools GET RESULTS! And she has the patience of St. Jude! I am so very Lucky to have her! *big smile*
1. First card- Use your Ascendant to explain what you already know
2. Second card - Use your Moon sign to explain what is challenging you
3. Third card - What is being created in general
1. Queen of Cups - My ascendant sign is Aquarius. So the face I show to the world or how people see me as is outgoing, very likeable, a weirdo, eccentric, and a person who sees all of humanity as equals and believes it's my duty too be a humanitarian. As Michaelle would say, I "see the spark of God in even the worst of us". So with this QofC it seems that this month I will be even more nurturing and loving to the masses. The stork on this version also shows the fact that I've been having those crazy baby notions again. At 41! WTF. (and I got some pretty crazy signs today that flipped my wig man! A child came into the shop where i work who was a carbon copy of the child I'd had a dream about a week ago! Oh, and her mom's name was Dreama! Come on now, could I make that shit up?!) Aquarians are also planners and know-it-alls. Funny thing is, they usually do know it all lol. They also come across as fearless and are folks who take action and cut through bullshit. They don't talk about it, they be about it. So I perhaps the person that people will also see is the Me who Kiki is trying so hard to give the skills to take action and get shit done and how sincere I am. I also notice how at peace this queen is. This also has to do with me working with the Lwa LaSirene so much.
2. 3 of swords - My moon sign is a funny one. It's basically on the cusp of Pisces and Aries. Nice huh? So I'm either non confrontational but wish I'd just deal with shit head on, or I nut the fuck up and feel bad that I hurt the other persons feelings lol. I am proud to say I've gotten so much better with this. So what is challenging me emotionally is being kinda sad because I don't have a partner (Really y'all, what word does one use at my age? I mean, boyfriend just sounds ridiculous as shit after 25!) The 3ofSw almost always shows up as infidelity when I do readings. But since I am not with anyone, I'd say it has to do with direct and less than pleasant communication and clearing the air (swords) with the person I was dating for a couple of months. The one who didn't my birthday. He didn't forget. He just didn't do it. He "didn't get any gifts this year for anyone else either." So you want me to be your girlfriend (and he truly did!) but I'm no more important than "anyone" else?! Dude, did you fall and hit your head or are you huffing paint? Do NOT play with me about my Christmas birthday! But not a card, a cupcake, a flower from somebody's yard? I almost never drink, but I do so love St. Germain/soda with lime. Not even a birthday drink from him. BECAUSE YES, I BOUGHT THAT MYSELF WHEN WE WENT OUT! After my friend and her man took me for fine dining. Needless to say,that was the last straw.
I think I need to explore the fact that I left my ex back in 2004 when he broke up with me on my birthday. Until this clown, I'd never broken up with anyone. So this was a huge step for me to take a stand and put my own needs, feelings and worth above someone else's. I'm so glad I finally started to wake up, to take a stand. To not tolerate bullshit because of my bleeding heart and allowing sympathy and/or empathy for other's issues to prevent me from setting boudaries and demand that they are respected. So I guess this card is telling me I need to speak my peace honestly but without going batshit crazy on the other person. Clear, direct communication when my heart has been hurt.
3. High Priestess - God I love tarot lol. Y'all know this is my all time favorite card in tarot! What I'm creating in general is the woman I most admire and strive to be. A woman who is poised and graceful when appropriate yet a force to be reckoned with. A woman that others are drawn to because of my depth and wisdom I've gained through learning from my experiences. A confident, gifted tarot reader who allows Spirit to flow through me via my intuition. I notice how both of these regal ladies who have mastered the art of being comfortable in their own skin have far more important things to focus on than this triad of confusion, suffering and sorrow. One is focused in peaceful mediation (dear Jesus, Isis, and Freyja Kiki, OK, OK lady LMAO). The other is focused on self-reflection. Both are focused on how to be of service to others. This is also the card I associate LaSirene with more than any other. I am we'll and truly blessed. My card for the year is The Wheel is saying that January will start 2013 rolllin' along quite nicely!
You don't know how to start Just look inside your heart You know I feel confused I don't know what to choose
You better take a stand And find out who you are You better make a plan 'Cause this has gone too far
When we went to the wishing well, We thought we saw the light
(If you) Start, start, start to wake up, Scream, scream, scream all you want See, see, see what you've done Start, start, start to wake up
I don't know what to do To make it right for you You tell me I'm no good I feel misunderstood I'm sick of taking blame Playing the same old game
When we went to the wishing well, We thought we saw the light But even though we took that trip, It never came out right
If you Start, start, start to wake up Scream, scream, scream all you want See, see, see what you've done Start, start, start to wake up
Now you
Start, start, start to wake up Scream, scream, scream all you want See, see, see what you've done Start, start, start to wake up Start, start, start to wake up Scream, scream, scream all you want See, see, see what you've done
Start, start, start to wake up Start, start, start to wake up Scream, scream, scream all you want See, see, see what you've done Start, start...
Today is Dec 24th. Tomorrow is my birthday. I really wish I was more excited about this. Right now, I really am not.
I decided to do two birthday spreads. This first one in this post I found on a ladies blog from a Google search with those two key words.
1. Body and Health - 6 of wands- The butterflies coming from under her hat remind me of how I have been thinking of the transformation I have made with regard to the issues with my back. I really believe that transforming my mindset has gonna very long way in my healing it. And look at how happy she is, feeling on top of the world and proud of what she has done or overcome. This card is telling me that my ass needs to get back on the workout wagon! It gives me so much more energy and vitality. It seems it will be very important to me accomplishing the things I want to, starting with feeling accomplished lol!
2. Mind and Intellect - 3 of swords - I have had several very painful experiences that broke my heart this past year with regard to friendships. But I see how big the person's heart is on the card and that he still shows it proudly. Though he guards it a bit, he is has by no means locked it away. He put a Band-Aide on the wound, but that's not what he is focused on, nor the three swords. He is focused on the three candles. To me they are faith, hope and clarity. His skirts look like a patchwork quilt. My experiences are all what make up the fabric of my life. Some positive, some crappy, but all serve a purpose. I have a bit more healing to do, and the quilt also says to me that I need to do a bit more work on taking care of and nurturing mySelf. His somber countenance reminds me that though I do a very good job at keeping the daemon of depression at bay, I need to be sure to keep my thoughts positive. Thoughts become words, become actions. become results. Free ya mind, ya ass'll follow.
3. Heart and Relationships - The Empress III- This is such a lovely version of this card. I notice that there is a lot of green - healing and growth. And being the archetype of the mother, this makes all the sense in the world to me give the situation with my mother and the healing that is slowly taking place with us. The little blue eggs in the nest on her head make me think of my precious little 7 month old cousin Kade. I have never really liked babies. Sorry if that sounds mean or harsh, but I don't. Too much hollering and pooping but other than that, what do they do? Who are they? But this kid won every inch of my heart! He has changed my mind a lot about babies in general. More specifically about me wanting one (?!?!?? yikes!) In terms of the future, does this mean that I will have one within the next year?? If I'm gonna do it it damn sure needs to be soon! At 09:45- exactly 7 hours to the minute from now, I shall be 40. I ain't no spring chicken LOL! And I just love the skulls on her dress! So me! Reminds me of this site I tripped over called Baby Goth. OMG!! The coolest kids clothes ever man!
4. Spirit and Evolution - Page of Wands- I freakin' love this interpretation of the PofW! He is happy as a clam! (or a happy bunny) and wants to announce it to the world! I need to remember that HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE. I have been hearing that phrase in my head for several days now. Even though I have always been a very optimistic, 1/2 full kinda gal, I have fought depression for a long time. Again this shows that I need to be mindful of my thoughts and take action to work toward things that will bring me true joy, not subjective happiness. This bunny is doesn't give a poop what anyone thinks! He totally makes me think of one of my favorite videos ever with little girl is in the bumble-bee costume and is searching for other bees like her. I can never remain down after I see that video! He is telling me to live for mySelf and inevitably others will benefit and be happy. He wants me to be excited about life and get out and experience it! This is Phase II! Stop bullshittin' and do all the thongs my souls is crying out for me to do and experience. There is NO MORE TIME LEFT TO GIVE IN TO FEAR! Glad I took the financial risk and bought those flight lessons for my birthday. This bunny rabbit totally took flight lessons! Skydiving too! And he is not afraid to toot his own horn. Self confidence is not being pompous. It is pride in ones acquired wisdom---- where the hell did that come from LOL!? No idea, but I like it!
5. Special Birthday Wish from The Goddess - 10 of wands- Wowwww. She said, put my burdens down! Stop giving myself more work by stressing and working harder not smarter. That way I won't be so overwhelmed and fearful of living life to the fullest. She is also saying that I need to learn to say "No." much more often. And stop feeling driven to explain why all the time. Just politely but simply, "No." I take on too much, don't have a plan, and get burned out. Stop that She says.
I am really liking the Joie de Vivre tarot more and more. It had just the right blend of honesty mixed with its gentility that I need today on Christmas/My Birthday Eve.
I didn't realize that my drivers license has been exprired for quite some time now and I'd forgotten to renew it. Well I figured I'll just do the limit or 5 miles below and if I should get stopped I'll just play dumb or play the girl card. (don't act like you haven't played the girl card and won't again lol!) I heard my guides tell me clear as day "don't drive today". I was going to blow it off but then I remembered my cousin's b/f told me to be really careful. We are like 45 min outside of New Orleans and there are so many little towns where the speed limit changes from 35 to 50 to 45 to 55 then 45..... WTF?!?! They are just setting you up for failure! And that they could actually put me in jail for that! And being a black woman out here??? Shhhit! But jail, that is beyond extreme to me! I mean for real!?? Fucking jail?? It's a piece of plastic that needs two of the numbers that make up the year to be changed! It's not a damn DUI due to a fifth of Kettle One and a lit blunt! And from the state that has DRIVE THROUGH DAQUARI STANDS!! That's a frozen beverage with rum and you choice of additional alcohol!!! Are you kidding me!?!
Then I heard, "Ok tarot reader, go pull a card. So I did.
This is what everyone who reads means when they tell you to listen to your guides and your intuition and they will speak to you." So I ask, "Should I drive today, will it be ok?"--- 4 of Swords. I was like dang, ok. But let me just pull 2 more out of habit. The fucking 3of Sw and The Tower XVI for Goddess' sake!!! I kept my ass out of any driver's seat that day and didn't drive today. May not tomorrow either lol!
Yes, I'll have my arse on a plane next week to give the state... excuse me, the common wealth of PA their $60. Yes, 60 freakin' dollars because I have a motorcycle endorsement! Damn thieves! But the staying out of jail?? Priceless!
I want to move. I used to hate Philly, but now I see that I don't hate Philly, I hate the state of my life, and my life just happens to be happening in Philly at this time. Philly is a great city. I now truly get that wherever you go, there you are. So if I have a shitty attitude in Philly and then move to Bangkok, I'll have a shitty attitude in Bangkok. If I have a shitty attitude and move to Paris, I'll just being having a shitty attitude and it will just so happen to be in Paris. It's "who" you are, not "where" you are. Because you make the place, the place doesn't make you. It's taken me 39 years to really get that shit, and I still have to remind myself of it.
The first row is Atlanta, the second is New Orleans. The first thing I notice is the elemental dignities. 2 fire and 1 earth and the fire are both majors. This shows getting out of a stagnant way of being and using that to fuel change and ambition. It's using that feeling of being stuck to motivate me a light a fire under my ass. God knows I need that!!!!!
Row 1: Atlanta
The first thing I notice is the 6 of Pentacles. I have such wonderful friends who love me there and have done so much already to help me. And I want to be able to repay their kindness and give back in any way I can. I just did a round of EFT (a link is enclosed if you are unfamiliar with it) about generosity a few minutes ago. I see the large pentacle over her heart and it reminds me of a mediation I did from Chakra Healing (link included, check it out. Some great information). She has you envision a flower over your heart chakra and see money, dollars, yen, pounds, euro, whatever, going into the ground and the flower blossoming. The point is to open your heart and root chakras and to see that money is NOT evil, (your motives surrounding it may be) and that self-worth is tied to money issues. Open your heart to self-worth and a wealth of things will grow into existence, and money is not an exception. Maybe there will be a money making opportunity in the ATL. The five points on the pentacles also make me think it may be a good idea because the area I'd want to move to an area there called Little 5 Points lol. The Tower XVI is the need for me to shake things up and and make a clean break. Just last night Beyond Worlds did a great show about the Tower. I need to let go of what's not working. And believe you me, that's a whole lot os shit lol! This also makes me think I may be in for a rude awakening when I get back to Philly. Oye vey! God knows that's what happened a few months ago when I was here!! Yeesh! But with the Emperor IV next to it, I see that it's so jacked-up, shitty, kick-you-in-the-ass situations that can lead you to take charge of your life and command you to control it and not let life control you. The rising sun on the Tower is leading my path to the inquisitive little meerkat on the Emperor. And I love how on this deck's version of the Tower, there's not the usual nose-dive out of the burning building. She is safely nestled up in the tree away from danger and with her teddy bear. It make suck, a lot in fact, it may be scary, but it WILL be ok. My guides and angels are with me. Focus on the end result I want, not how much getting there sux.
Row 2: New Orleans
These make all the sense in the world to me. The first things I notice are the High Priestess II and the Queen of Pentacles. Both are cards I use to identify myself, as a Capricorn and as a woman who has always sought the esoteric. The HP is a card I always associate with New Orleans, the witch (which in my book is a compliment to be admired, NOT feared! No matter what I practice, at this time it is Nichiren Buddhism, I will always be a witch honey. It's in my Creole roots and I love it), the mysterious sorceress, the sensual lady that she is, who draws you in and makes you fall in love with her. Once she is under your skin, you are never free from her intoxicating rush that makes your soul crave her all the more. Think, Marie-Laveau. Mysterious, misunderstood, and just plain missed. And that huge moon on the QofP is something I also associate very much with the city, the Crescent City as she is known. It's where I've always gone to heal and nurture my spirit whenever major emotional upsets occurred or when life was just driving me crazy. That is until Katrina. Which brings me to the last card, the Knight of Cups. How sad and lost as he feels is how so many of us who had to leave still feel. Searching for a place called home. And looking at the E.D. water, earth,water, it makes me think of Katrina, earth surrounded by too much water and then washed away. All of that emotion I feel, the need for security and a solid foundation to build a life and a home, but not enough money. Because I would not feel safe moving back home without a the "Oh Shit!!" fund set aside. Not just savings, but a specific account to sustain myself when the next hurricane comes. Because as negative as it sounds, we all know it's not IF, it's when that is the question.
Bottom Line:
The 3 of Swords. I need to heal my heart, and that can only come from within. In Buddhism it teaches that your surrounds are a reflection of your inner state of being. Swords are air. I need to change my way of thinking and do some more inner work to create true happiness that can not be destroyed regardless of what is going on around me. And looking at the large X over her heart, it's just like what people do when you visit Marie Laveau's grave. You write your heart's desire/prayer on a piece of paper and make the red X's. As I look at the trees bending from the wind from those large storm clouds, I see the tears of sadness flowing down this woman's beautiful face. Is she pointing to her broken heart? Or to the ahnk, the symbol of eternal life. Maybe both, point out that life goes on no matter how terrible the storms.
I was going for my Initiatory Tarot of the Golden Dawn and realized the bautiful Star XVII card was facing me. Then I heard and felt one of my guides pull my hand to my Universal Goddess deck. She said to me, "don't shuffle, no need. I 'll direct your hand." I open up the deck, and I'll be damned in The StarXVII in that deck isn't what I open up to!! I am pretty sure I know which guide it is. She told me to pull a few more until I'd pulled 5 cards in total. While all this is going on, a song I have never heard before comes on my Moloko Staion I created on Pandora called The Reeling by Passion Pit, a group I've never heard. It's all cloudy and rainy and cold and this song is one of those ones that make you forget that or the fact that you are in your living room and not at the club in a brand new pair of shoes from Bebe! So I just looked it up plus lyrics on Youtube. And now I'm looking at the cards again..... LOL!!!
The Star XVII, Ace of Cups, 3 of Swords, The Empress III, Temperance, and Knight of Pentacles.
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