Monday, June 20, 2011

Questions About Moving

I want to move. I used to hate Philly, but now I see that I don't hate Philly, I hate the state of my life, and my life just happens to be happening in Philly at this time. Philly is a great city. I now truly get that wherever you go, there you are. So if I have a shitty attitude in Philly and then move to Bangkok, I'll have a shitty attitude in Bangkok. If I have a shitty attitude and move to Paris, I'll just being having a shitty attitude and it will just so happen to be in Paris. It's "who" you are, not "where" you are. Because you make the place, the place doesn't make you. It's taken me 39 years to really get that shit, and I still have to remind myself of it.

The first row is Atlanta, the second is New Orleans. The first thing I notice is the elemental dignities. 2 fire and 1 earth and the fire are both majors. This shows getting out of a stagnant way of being and using that to fuel change and ambition. It's using that feeling of being stuck to motivate me a light a fire under my ass. God knows I need that!!!!!

Row 1: Atlanta 
The first thing I notice is the 6 of Pentacles. I have such wonderful friends who love me there and have done so much already to help me. And I want to be able to repay their kindness and give back in any way I can. I just did a round of EFT (a link is enclosed if you are unfamiliar with it) about generosity a few minutes ago. I see the large pentacle over her heart and it reminds me of a mediation I did from Chakra Healing (link included, check it out. Some great information).  She has you envision a flower over your heart chakra and see money, dollars, yen, pounds, euro, whatever, going into the ground and the flower blossoming. The point is to open your heart and root chakras and to see that money is NOT evil, (your motives surrounding it may be) and that self-worth is tied to money issues. Open your heart to self-worth and a wealth of things will grow into existence, and money is not an exception. Maybe there will be a money making opportunity in the ATL. The five points on the pentacles also make me think it may be a good idea because the area I'd want to move to an area there called Little 5 Points lol. The Tower XVI is the need for me to shake things up and and make a clean break.  Just last night Beyond Worlds did a great show about the Tower. I need to let go of what's not working. And believe you me, that's a whole lot os shit lol! This also makes me think I may be in for a rude awakening when I get back to Philly. Oye vey! God knows that's what happened a few months ago when I was here!! Yeesh! But with the Emperor IV next to it, I see that it's so jacked-up, shitty, kick-you-in-the-ass situations that can lead you to take charge of your life and command you to control it and not let life control you. The rising sun on the Tower is leading my path to the inquisitive little meerkat on the Emperor. And I love how on this deck's version of the Tower, there's not the usual nose-dive out of the burning building. She is safely nestled up in the tree away from danger and with her teddy bear. It make suck, a lot in fact, it may be scary, but it WILL be ok. My guides and angels are with me. Focus on the end result I want, not how much getting there sux.

Row 2: New Orleans
These make all the sense in the world to me. The first things I notice are the High Priestess II and the Queen of Pentacles. Both are cards I use to identify myself, as a Capricorn and as a woman who has always sought the esoteric. The HP is a card I always associate with New Orleans, the witch (which in my book is a compliment to be admired, NOT feared! No matter what I practice, at this time it is Nichiren Buddhism, I will always be a witch honey. It's in my Creole roots and I love it), the mysterious sorceress, the sensual lady that she is, who draws you in and makes you fall in love with her. Once she is under your skin, you are never free from her intoxicating rush that makes your soul crave her all the more. Think, Marie-Laveau. Mysterious, misunderstood, and just plain missed. And that huge moon on the QofP is something I also associate very much with the city, the Crescent City as she is known. It's where I've always gone to heal and nurture my spirit whenever major emotional upsets occurred or when life was just driving me crazy. That is until Katrina. Which brings me to the last card, the Knight of Cups. How sad and lost as he feels is how so many of us who had to leave still feel. Searching for a place called home. And looking at the E.D. water, earth,water, it makes me think of Katrina, earth surrounded by too much water and then washed away. All of that emotion I feel, the need for security and a solid foundation to build a life and a home, but not enough money. Because I would not feel safe moving back home without a the "Oh Shit!!" fund set aside. Not just savings, but a specific account to sustain myself when the next hurricane comes. Because as negative as it sounds, we all know it's not IF, it's when that is the question.

Bottom Line:
The 3 of Swords. I need to heal my heart, and that can only come from within. In Buddhism it teaches that your surrounds are a reflection of your inner state of being. Swords are air. I need to change my way of thinking and do some more inner work to create true happiness that can not be destroyed regardless of what is going on around me. And looking at the large X over her heart, it's just like what people do when you visit Marie Laveau's grave. You write your heart's desire/prayer on a piece of paper and make the red X's. As I look at the trees bending from the wind from those large storm clouds, I see the tears of sadness flowing down this woman's beautiful face. Is she pointing to her broken heart? Or to the ahnk, the symbol of eternal life. Maybe both, point out that life goes on no matter how terrible the storms.

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