The Fool, The Moon, and the 5 of Swords

Ok, so it's the end of the day, but here's what I got, and it's kinda funky to me. Especially since I went over to my old residence and got more of my belongings. Now I must say, things went FAR better than I anticipated. I guess we are supposed to just act like nothing ever happened and we are all hunky-dory....what the hell ever man. She is quite clearly fine with the decision she made to tell me I needed to find another place to stay. Over the phone. Initially in a text msg. While I was 800 miles away. Without the slightest provocation. (Or so she says. Obviously;  she was provoked.) I have been praying very hard to forgive, meaning to let the hurt go and not carry it around like a medal on my chest. But our friendship will never be the same.

So having said all that, the cards I got just now are as follows: The Fool 0, The Moon XVIII, and the 5 of Swords. WTH!? The Fool is all about new beginnings, a fresh start in life. And the gypsy meaning is "new home". Well we see the validity of that! The first thing my eye was drawn to was the dark little island. I see it and I feel cold and closed in and alone. It looks like I'm just trapped by all that water. And then to be next to The Moon? Not making me feel any better. You need to understand that The Moon has always been one of my two favorite cards in any deck (the other is the High Priestess II, and too has a very strong connection to the moon.) I've always loved the moon that sits up in the sky. For as long as I can remember I've felt compelled to stare and the moon, literally drawn to Her. I have done what is called "drawing down the moon." For those of you who don't know what that is, I can make another post at some point to explain it. (I talk like I actually have even one follower on this damn blog lol) For those of you who do, then you know how much I love and respect the Moon. But to see it placed next to The Fool and the fact that I didn't get a good vibe from that card is not making me feel the usual love I get from the sight of this card. Does The Fool next to The Moon mean "new beginning or start to uncovering the truth"??  To add insult to injury, the freakin' nasty nasty 5ofSw is the other card!!! Eewww!! Or maybe Yikes!! To quote Rhiannon, "the massive argument card. No winning with this one. People absolutely attacking each other and they look absolutely evil! There's no good side." The Moon in it's "darker" aspect is trickery, lies, deception, hidden truths, and just plumb crazy madness. I see Uncle Al on the 5ofSw and his cigarette hanging out of his mouth and I am instantly remembering the scene in the Clint Eastwood movie Grand Torino (absolutely one of the best movies I've ever seen!!!) where that horrid little asshole kid attacks and burns one of the main characters in the face with his cigarette. One of the basic points to the plot was how destructive and cruel racism is. This particular scene was not about racism, but about just being cruel and a horrible bully to hurt someone because they won't do something bad or wrong that you want them to do. I will have to keep this in my mental Roladex of interpretations of the 5ofSw because that is exactly what this card is all about.

This reading is showing me that my suspicions about the situation with my former roommate are dead on. There are 2 majors out of only 3 cards because this was a very major event in my life and I have a lot of lessons I am learning. Her boyfriend is in fact a racist and and bully. The bad or wrong thing he wanted her to do was to throw me out. They have had the physical altercations that are pictured in the card. They both smoke. He has dark hair, she has light. She and I would have a wonderful day together, then he'd come over, as he did every single day, and the entire tone of the house would change. I'd stay closed up in my room, her in hers, him out in the living room being all miserable. That's why I saw and felt what I did in The Fool card, and why it was time for me to get out of that dark, closed off place. And how she felt too. The Moon just confirms that his shady ass is that hidden element that is at the root of our friendship being so damaged. And believe me when I say that both the emotional and the physical issues are very much kept secret! No one really has any idea of how bad this situation really is between the two of them. Now that I am trying to see the card combination meaning, The Moon in a reading (and damn sure it it is next to!) the 5ofSw to me says emotionally abusive relationship all day long!!! And then you wanna have The Fool next to that! It makes that card go from a wonderful new thing to meaning actually "playing the fool".  And the 0 on the card makes me think of emptiness, worthlessness, no value, and a place holder. Like, "I'd rather have this worthless zero in my life as a place holder than to face the emptiness I feel from being alone."

So something made me go to the Tarot Eon blog.....

The bottom card is the 7 of Wands. This shows the stress of this messed up situation. It also shows how torn I am. The 7 of Wands is a card of valor and honor. Of standing up for what you know is right regardless of how difficult it may be. I am so torn. There is a huge part of me that still loves my old room mate dearly and wants to protect her. There is an even bigger part that has tried for a year and a half to protect her and help her to see the reality of her situation and numerous times she has let shown me with crystal clarity she is choosing to stay in this relationship at all costs. I did everything I could do, even to my own detriment. Maybe she feels the same way about me. All I can do now is hope she will make better choices. Somehow, I sadly do not think she will.

For the love of God; guess who just text me. Like it's just another day, telling me a funny little story, like nothing bad ever happened. You gotta be kidding me....

H.E.L.P. Spread

I was meditating this morning, something I never do, but know full well I should on the regular. I thought about how many people are always willing to help me throughout my life. Then I thought about the fact that I need to be more efficient at helping my damn self! Then I heard my guides tell help me form an acronym for the word "help". I chose the colour yellow because it represents caution and also the element of air. Caution should be used so your thought process doesn't become clouded and you loose sight of your own power. Too bad I have for so long. Might wanna do somethin' about that 'ay??....

H=Harness...What can I do to harness my own power?
E= Emotions... What emotion would best serve me?
L=  Leave... What or who do I need to leave behind in order to help my life move forward?
P= Problems... Since life will always have it's share of problems, what problems can I transform them into benefits and how??

1. 4 of Wands- Now the first impression I get is to laugh my ass off!!! Dude has his feet kicked up on the desk just chillin'! Now I'd have to say I need to do far less of this in order to get a good result. So let's figure this out.... The 4ofW is about celebration, 4's are about stability and structure, and wands are about energy, drive, passion, desire, and work. So...I guess I need to stop stressing and  relax from all that nervous, negative energy  I so often feel inside aka "anxiety". I guess all that damn worrying keeps me from using my energy and my time to recognize and be grateful for all the many blessings I do have. And from seeing the power I have. Or all the things I am good at, or would be if I would relax about  and stop thinking I'm not good at! So I can harness my power by just learning to relax! I mean hell, look at the socks Uncle Al has on in the picture! I never noticed those before LOL, but clearly they are the sign of a person who knows how to enjoy life and have some fun, regardless of whether he is at work or not.  I am a believer in The Law of Attraction (Buddhism without actually calling it that). If I keep harping on the things that make me stressed out, that's what I'll create more of. But if I can learn to calm down and kill the anxiety and put my energy into creating ways to create a life worth celebrating, then that's exactly what I will create.

2. King of Wands- Any emotion that makes me realize I can be successful and keeps me motivated and ready to do the hard work necessary to help myself. So I'd have to say hope and happiness.

3. 2 of Pentacles-Wow, this card says some really powerful stuff to me. Leave behind the mentality of poverty! That there is only a finite amount of wealth in the world as opposed to the limitless abundance available to anyone who taps into it and decides to access it. I see Uncle Al covering his face because he just got the NSF memo on his printed receipt. Ugh, God how that sux!!! I need to have a better relationship with money and finance. If I follow the advice I just got from the KofW I can earn the money I want and need. But I still need to learn to balance and create a budget.

4. 7 of Swords- Why is she looking down at the ground and why is she walking under this ladder in the first place?? I see the wall and I just heard Pink Floyd "we don't need no education. We don't need no forced control". Hold my head high, believe in myself and be more aware of my surroundings for starters. I also need to realize that life is one huge classroom, and we never finish or quit going to school. I've got to be more shrewed and take notice of the various tools I have at my disposal. They come in the very good disguise of problems. This card is the bad luck card. I've got to be aware of what situations I have around me, because with this card, Rhiannon says "it's a nasty card where people are talking about you behind your back and out to hurt you and doing nasty stuff to you, plotting against and backstabbing you. It's about lies and half-truths. People will be bold enough to even lie straight to your face!" It's funny because that is what I am currently going through these days. So I take from it that I have to realize there will always be negative situations and hurtful people. I have to get past the pain of those nasty swords and not let those people make me act the same way in retaliation because I am hurt or angry. To those who think the have power or authority over me because of that 2ofP message, all and all I am just another brick in the wall. They are just opportunities for me to see past the dark sarcasm in the classroom.

*in the explanation of the 7ofSw, there are a lot of lyrics to the song "Another Brick In the Wall" by Pink Floyd used as a means of interpreting the card. I also notice that once again there is an abundance of fire in this reading with a little bit of air and earth it needs to burn.

Full Moon Spread

I am so damn tired my eyelids are begging me to allow them to close, but I really want to try this spread I just found on the Tarot Dame's blog. She said she got it from Aclectic Tarot. I think I am just so excited b/c Rhiannon just messaged me to say she checked out the blog and was pleased and proud of my last post! Pretty freakin' cool to have the person who created the deck you used give you approval!!!! And since it is the last night of the full moon, I want to take the opportunity to use that energy.

Full Moon Spread

1. Moon Cycles: What old patterns am I still spinning around in?
Ace of Wands-- This is SO embarrassingly true! I get all hyped about something and all excited but don't ever finish shit! I look at the pyramids and see that i need to remember that to create anything of value and beauty takes a lot of follow-through and commitment. You can't just  get board or get disappointed or get lazy and just say screw it! There is always gonna be some bullshit to deal with is what the desert says to me. Conditions will sometimes be extreme and not working in my favor. A lot of hard work and sweat may be involved. But when I look at the green leaves sprouting out of the ahnk, it reminds me that I am the one to create new karma in my life. I have to stop getting caught up in negative thinking and seeing all the reasons why things won't work out, because that just creates the reality I don't want: things not working out! Bast is the goddess of cats. I have to stop with the victim mentality that is so unattractive and exhibit the confidence of a cat with 9 lives. I just got the image of a black cat walking along the top of a fence in the moonlight. He is confident he won't fall and if he does that he will land on his feet. Not taking advantage of the new creative opportunities I am given is such a lame pattern. And then I have nerve to wonder why I so often feel stuck! Ha!

2. Moon Magnetism: What am I attracted to?
Knight of Wands-- Big dreams and big time excitement that may be somewhat romanticized. I am attracted to being on the move, on the go and anything fun. The rainbow makes me think of "rainbow moments" which for met translated in to saying no when I need to. It just thought of how Susan said once that being grown is the ability to tell yourself no. There is no easy, quick fix in life. I've got to be more grounded and disciplined (note, there is not one earth card in the bunch!) in stead of flitting off to do what is more attractive and fun, yet not at all smart. Work first, then play.

3. Lunar Influences: How the moon affects me...
2 of Wands-- This seems kinda tricky to answer. I mean, I have always LOVED the moon and been so drawn to it. I used to stare at it when I'd say the Hail Mary as a child, having no idea about magick or The Goddess at that time. I see the boys fighting. Does the moon cause me to be more feisty?? Inner turmoil?? I just got the message that I need to block against psychic attacks. 2's are about choices, balance, decisions, equality. Wands are about passion, creativity, energy, drive. Am I more driven to create balance and choose to make decisions that create what I am passionate about?? I'm gonna have to study this one.

4. Old Man MOon: What in my past is returning?
7 of Wands-- Hopefully this means a fighting spirit that will never surrender to anything or one who will try to take away what is mine by intimidation or trickery. Or it can be the fact that I need to get my own place and the troubles surrounding all of that. I see the woman fighting with this guy, I feel like she knows him and he is trying to attack her so she has to defend herself and stand up for what's right. Or it can be depression I have to be so mindful of since it is so sneaky and tends to return in cycles.

5. Moon Dreams: What my subconscious wants to tell me....
6 of Cups-- Let go of old emotional baggage KrystenLOL!)

OMFG I AM SO PISSED!! I just wrote a ton of REALLY good stuff here and it has somehow managed to get erased!!!!!!!!!

I do at least remember that one thing was how much I miss being a F/A and I need to get on that shit.

6. Moon Reflections: Illusions and delusions
3 of Swords-- So this is about what is skewing me from seeing reality in a clear light. The first thing to jump out at me is the well in the background and it makes me think of The Star card in The Faulkner Tarot. That negative tape that goes off in my head of how bad things are or what heart aches I've had in the past keeps me from having hope and faith that no matter how unhappy I am or how jacked up things are, I have got to know that I am surrounded by angels who are constantly looking out for me, so do NOT get caught up in that hopeless mindset!! It's victim bullshit and it keeps me from living in the now because I'm so freaked out about the future because I'm still stuck on the past!! I see the three fates, and I am thinking of how I need to remember that fate is not set in stone. Our lives may be predestined, but our choices at every turn of our lives can change the course of our lives completely. I have to cut the cord to what keeps me living in the past or in a negative mindset. Because that's how I end up breaking my own heart.


Another thing I want to make note of is the E.D. There are 4 fire cards out of 6! There is 1 air, 1 cup and NO earth. To me this says that the air of the 3ofSw will encourage all that fire to keep me motivated and inspired. The one water card shows I am in an emotional place to a certain extent, but it is not controlling me or an unhealthy thing. The lack of earth clearly proves how up in the air my life is and how I so desperately want and need to be grounded, to heal my back, and to make some damn money!!!

Ceelo and I Say Fuck You!!!!!

This is how I feel right now. If anyone had EVER told me things would EVER come to this, I'd have called them a lying, dirty dog! I am shocked beyond words.

Making H's Wedding List

Hmm..not sure what to make of these (but that is why I started doing this, to learn how to break through the fear of "getting it wrong" or not being a "good reader". But to open up my subconscious and read the damn cards!)
Page of Pentacles, The Wheel of Fortune X and the King of Swords. When I first saw the adorable Leila who is pictured on the PofPent I saw her adorable princess dress and beautiful happy smile. The Wheel looked humongous and actually made me dizzy, and then to see Dave in his tux all = the fact that H has been sitting here making her list for her wedding guests.  The 7 of Wands is on the bottom. This reading is so exactly what is going on today lol! Most women think of their wedding day as their fairy princess day, and then there is Dave pictured in his tux is Eddie (Helen's fiance') and the Wheel and the 7ofSw is how she is feeling as she makes this list. It's a huge task to organize a wedding and her head is spinning from trying to make sure she remembers everyone and to try to keep from going overboard on spending too much money. Hence, the stressed out look on Uncle Al's face (the guy in the picture is named Uncle Al, a dear friend of Rhiannon Faulkner who created the deck) as he looks at the paper work on his desk.

Then when I think about the elemental dignities, it actually does confirm the divinitory meaning I got. There are 2 earth, 1 fire, 1 air. There is no water. Out of only 4 cards, there is one major arcana, 2 court cards, and only one pip.

The majority of earth shows me that money is a big factor even though H is pretty financially set.  The air right next to it shows the need to be pragmatic. That Princess is the inner little girl who is lost in the fantasy of it all, and pentacles need to have a set plan that they can rely on to feel at ease. That King says clear, smart decisions must be made, and a sword makes me think of how we have been saying "who's gonna make the cut" as we've been making the list knowing she has can't go over a set number of guests.  At $67  a head, some heads may have to get cut!

Hmph...and I started this off saying I didn't know what to make of these cards! LMAO

Molly had to come double check lol!

Today Was a Good Day

Ok, can't find a quite spot to do my reading LOL! But I can say for sure this is a wonderful reading lol! 8 of Wands, 3 of Wands, and 9 Cups. And the bottom card is the 10 of Cups. First thing that comes to mind is how the wands are coming up out of those dark storm clouds and into the bright sunshine and then you see in the next card how it looks like a the continuation of that scene. The Sag symbol says how lucky I am, and also that I  need to call Jacqui b/c it's been way too long since i have! For some reason the flags on the back of the ship on the 3ofW reminds me of the ones you see on a used car lot LOL. What the hell?? And the top balloon looks like an ice cream cone lol! And the 9ofC is the wish card. All that food makes me think about the fact that H (Helen) and I are going to lunch since the 10ofC in this deck is her animals and house in the picture.

When I look up the meaning of the elemental dignities I really am reminded of how powerful of a tool that can be to give readings more depth and understanding. The sites that Catherine (Tarot Elements.com)  and Doug (taroteon.com) have are so educational! I very strongly suggest if you are interested in expanding your tarot skills no matter how new or how experienced you are at tarot! (link to Catherine's site will be below this post) This is what they say of Fire/Fire/Water or Water/Fire/Fire 3 card spreads:

"These triads are moderately strong.

There’s a real desire and impetus to move forward and get things moving with this combination, but it’s really being dogged by an emotional tug, perhaps a conflict of interests; guilty feelings of putting work before love maybe? However, it’s still action over emotion.

Douglas: The central card will still have a slight influence over the client’s life. This triad brings images to mind of eagerness and enthusiasm for a project just begun but…, resistance to that project. As with most things, despite what we want to happen, things inevitably slow it down; whether that is the client’s inner emotional resistance, or the environments apathy. Overall, things move forward, but expect resistance."

This makes so much sense! (checking elemental dignities E.D. almost always  does) I do have to be mindful not to let my emotions of anger and sadness get the best of me given my current situation (water) and keep my ass in gear and moving, stay motivated and energetic (fire) NOT apathetic  about my life and the fact that this is really a whole new opportunity with a lot of possibilities!
------So not that I'm home and it os like 6 hrs later, I can see even more how the cards were talking to me. The 8ofW was because we were zipping all over today. Helen is a very zippy one lol. That card also means messages, letters, phone calls ect. often from a romantic interest. I got a really cool email from a certain someone how still makes my heart skip a beat and makes me very tingle-y in naughty places ;-D

 The 3ofW was to show how well we do get along,  I did have several moments were I truly felt so much gratitude for my life and the things I DO have. Like when I saw the man crossing a very busy street in his wheel chair. Or the homeless man on the Blvd. Or how generous H is!!! She got me the coolest, schnazy new slippers that are made like boots, furry, black and with silver sequins!! HA!! How freakin' cool are they!!!

And the 9ofC is to remind me of how my wishes actually have come true from all of this crap. I SO did NOT want to have to go back "home" and see my roomate's b/f!! We got along so well (or so I thought...) with the exception of him!!! I have been wishing to have pets, and now I live with 3 (2 of whom look like the ones on the 10ofC) and possibly 2 more yet to come LOL! I wished for a non-smoking house and always felt so guilty that my old roomate tried so hard not to smoke around me (the b/f so did not!) and H hates smoke as much as I do, so that is perfect!

I'm a very lucky girl and today was just as wonderful as these cards said it would be!

ATL-PHL: Moving Day 2/15/11

I'm on the plane right now on the way back to Philly. Today's message is  instantly clear to me. Don't worry about the things that have brought me down or could keep me in a state of depression because I have so much to be grateful for. I have created a lot of good fortune and I will be receiving a lot of it today.

I got the 4 of Cups, 6 of Pentacles, and the 9 of Wands. (very surprised there are only minor arcana.) When I look t the 4ofC today it's like I see myself seeing things that I want but I don't have. I have to believe that I can acquire anything I want, I just have to believe that it is possible, focus, and work for it. It's also saying to me that I can not sit around the house anymore, I have got to be active and go do things in spite of how broke I am right now. The 6ofP is the fact that Helen has offered for me to stay with her. And hell, I won't have to every say again that I actually live in fucking New Jersey LOL!! Ugh!!  I also feel like that may be her mamma Carol saying she wants Helen to do it. And not just Helen, but how many wonderful people who love and care about me and are so kind a gracious to me! I am one lucky ass chick!!! The 9ofW says for me to not be defensive and angry or bitter, but to use my energy to get my life on the track I want to be on.  I do have somewhere to go for now. In this deck, this card represents the Winter Solstice; it's always darkest before the dawn. That now is the time to let go and release old patterns that aren't good for me and plan for the future I want to create. 9's are about transition and wands are energy, creativity, drive, work, passion. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me, but I also have a whole lot to be grateful for.