Friday, October 28, 2011

So the Queen of Wands Called

I've been on the fence for about a month as to whether or not I will move to New Orleans. I got the most amazing reading fro the Stephanie The Quirky Empress that screamed in no uncertain terms what would be the best course of action. But as so often with me, fear and doubt keep me in limbo. Quite often that fear is related to what others will think or will I somehow let them down. When will I ever start living for ME and stop thinking that doing so makes me an asshole or ungrateful for any kindness others have shown. It keeps me in a vicious cycle of putting myself in the position of needing help. Or maybe the false belief that I do because I owe someone. What the hell ever....

So out of the blue, one of my most trusted, loyal and wise g/f's calls, Victoria. Her name is perfectly suited for this strong Leo Queen of Wands,  Domme, victorious and regal. She always seems to sense when I am going through some shit that she can offer her words of wisdom and the wonderful confidence she always brings out of me. She reminded me that I am 39 with no kids and no job; the world is mine to shape and create into whatever I want and anyone who doesn't like it or approve can kiss my ass. Or not so much even kiss my ass, because that infers hostility, and it's not about that. That would be wasted energy. It's about me doing whatever will make my soul truly happy and not what will make OTHERS happy at my soul's expense. I've done it so many times. I've got a completely fresh canvas to create the scene I want to experience everyday. She reminded me of how she put all her shit in her car and moved to Miami. And the time she bought a oneway ticket and moved from Connecticut to San Diego with on e suitcase. She is one of the most dynamic, powerful women I've ever known. And one of the most wonderful things about her is that she loves helping other people find and cultivate their own power as well. It took me years to see that just like every single human being, she has fears and doubts. Even when we were room mates, I didn't see that. Now I see that the difference between her and the masses is that she faces shit head on and she doesn't let anyone else govern who she is. When people are foolish enough to question her about what she is doing or why, she will start of with saying, "I think I'm minding my business..." You'd be advised to quit while you're ahead at that point LOL!

Another thing she pointed out is that I should move here because I truly want to, not because it's familiar and I'm too fearful to move anywhere else. She also reminded me of how much I love makeup artistry and that I am very good at it. (WHY is it still so hard for me to compliment myself??)

So of course, just as I am about 80% committed to the calling my soul feels to move home to New Orleans ( I do realize how melodramatic that sounds, but it really is how it feels), Victoria calls after not talking to her for like 3 or 4 months. Since I just opened my brand new Tarot of Vampyres that I absolutley freaking adore, I have to use the QofW from that deck to tell my friend/big sister/confidant how much I love and appreciate her. 

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