Friday, February 4, 2011

I'm So Heavy In Your Arms

I have a new obsession and its name in Florence And The Machine. The first time I heard this song was at the end of Eclipse while the credits were rolling. I rewound the DVD at least 6 times to hear it again and again. I imediately knew why Ian kept insisting I'd love them.

I just did a reading and one of the things my guides whispered in my head was this song when I looked at the High Priestess II, so I just did another to ask them what they want me to learn from it. Don't you know the High Priestess was at the bottom of the deck!

The first card is the Knight of Pentacles. The horse stands out first. A work horse. In Norse mythology the horse is about friendship, loyalty, trust, strength, mutual respect, and hard work. The coin says to me that the hard work that goes into a relationship can have so many great rewards. This knight is about knowing what you want, setting goals, taking your time, and getting results you can hold on to. The reins show that I will never be controlled again. Not by anyone nor by the idea of love or by love itself. The look on her face is wary as she looks to the next card, The Fool. No, I don't want ever play the fool again! I don't want my love or my lover to be an "iron ball, wrapped around your ankles over the waterfall".  I don't want the carelessness I see in this card, but I do want the excitement and carefree feeling about going out on a new path. Maybe all that bamboo says I'll have luck on my side this time. But those coins she is dropping say to NEVER let go of my own sense of self worth or not respect and honor my own worth.
If I follow that advice, The Empress III shows me as a very blissfully content woman who is extremely self-confident. In Universal Goddess deck it is the goddess Astarte', and she is an amazing woman who is very similar to Isis. This Empress is a loving and nurturing mother who is also a very loyal and dedicated wife. And a major reason why she can be all those amazing things to others is that she loves and honors herself first. She never lets go of the femininity and beauty and pampering of herself. She still sees herself as an erotic dominant woman. She just happens to also be a mother and wife. Like Isis, she doesn't demand respect, but she commands it. Demanding is from a childish mindset. Commanding is from a place of wisdom and strength.  Now this is just screaming at me about co-dependancy and how that shit will make you an albatross, a "heavy heart to carry arms around your lovers neck! Your love concrete feet, an iron ball wrapped around your lovers ankles over the waterfall." The lotus blossom on her arms boldly says to me that we are each responsible for own damn happiness!!! Nothing and no one outside of yourself can make you either happy or unhappy. Neither enslaving another person by empossing your own suffering nor thinking yourself a martyr because you carry theirs is the meaning of love. It's not the gorgeous eroticism I associate with vampires. Love has nothing to do with being a victim to or being enslaved by someone who is an emotional vampire, sucking the life out of them and yourself. That shit creates a hunger that can never feel full because all you have to give will never be enough. It's just a game who's rules constantly change as you go along because they are set up for you to fail. She is holding a mirror. My g/f Glenda (who is a witch, yes lol!) always says that in any relationship, we are mirrors for each other. Aspects of ourselves, whether we like them or not and if we are willing to look closely, we will see them in ourselves. And back to the vampire reference, although it's not true in the Twilight series, in so many other stories vampires cannot see their won reflection. This says to me get real about your shit and that a healthy sense of self is important, to know who you truly are, accept it and love it. I have to learn that I  can't deny or kill off my shadow self. In Buddhism it is called fundamental darkness. We each have to face it and then figure out how to work it to our advantage and make it a positive. Like how my boy Dexter does. But I will make lots of other posts on him and that show later.  For now, I'll take this bit of wisdom from my guides and Florence. Sounds to me like she is a wise woman who's been there/done that. And won't be doing it again.

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