Owning My Own Epic Greatness

I decided to try Lisa's Owning Your Own Epic Greatness spread. Elementally I see I am odds with myself because fear (cups) extinguishes my enthusiasm (wands). I'm not grounded enough in the mundane world of logic and cutting the bullshit (one earth, no air)

1. My greatest fear about owning my own epic greatness? - Rx 10 of wands - my greatest fear is how to break out of the prison of fear. This also shows my fear of hurting my back again. Also the fear of having to assume responsibility and getting overwhelmed.

2. Challenge to overcome this fear- My glorious Rx High Priestess II - I have to push past the boundary of indecision, that constant nagging fear of "getting it wrong". I need to trust myelf more and see myself as the powerful woman that so any others see me as. So many people are drawn to me, tell me their deepest, darkest most sacred secrets. Things that could change or even ruin life as they know it.

3. Let go - The World XXI - At first this threw me for a loop, but I realize it is the negative people or situations that are around me at times. If we are all mirrors reflecting the people in our lives, then that means those negative aspects that are within me. My being stubborn and ridged in my approach. My being focused on what why things will go wrong and not why they will go right. My ego and its many bruises. Not believing on magick, especially my own. And not celebrating my accomplishments. Anyone who mirrors this I need to remove from m orbit. Even if they are really good people that I care about.

4. New channel of support - Rx Princess of Cups - Waiting, ever so patiently, with so much kindness and love are brings in both the mundane and the esoteric realm. They are committed to supporting me in any creative, intuitive, or emotional means of expression. And to learning to have consistent inner peace, regardless of what is going on around me.

5. Leadership responsibility - Ace of Wands - Wowww. A whole new way of living and leading others from the darkness of fears similar to my own. Spiritual liberation born from creating hope.

I need to marinate on the depth of this...

But I can say that I have taken steps toward all of this in the past week. Lets see

• Posted with Blogsy

Beltane 2012 ~ Stoking the Fires of Passion Part II

There are several Gods and Goddess associated with Beltane. Mine is Freyja. She kicks some serious serious ass.

Here is a list of others you may want to research:
Gods
• Cupid
• Orion
• Odin
• Pan
• Dionysis
• Frey
• The Green Man

Goddesses

• Erzulie

• Freyja

• Flora

• Aphrodite

• Xchotiquetzal

• Diana

• Sheila-na-Gig

• Chuang-Mu

I dedicated myself to the Norse goddess  Freyja in 2002. I wanted a goddess who encompassed a wide spectrum of qualities I wanted to cultivate and she totally fit the bill. I decided to rededicate myself to her and what better day than Beltane. She is goddess of love, beauty, sex, sensuality, passion, magick, divination, and as leader of the Valkyries, war. Animals sacred to Her are cats, falcons, wild boar, and swans. Other things include amber, primrose, strawberry, marigolds, primrose, both the sun and moon, Friday (Freyja's day), and the number 13. So Friday the 13th is a lucky day for those of us who follow Her. 

Here is my reading for myself. I used the Gill Tarot.
*Due to the mature subject matter and sexual content, viewer discretion is advised*

1. How can I best utilize my creativity? - Princess of Swords - Free your mind, your ass'll follow. Every creation begins with an initial thought. I have been learning to be more mindful of my thoughts. What you think about you create. That is what manifestation is. That's what magick is. This princess has very single-minded focus. Look at how cloudy the sky is all around her, But above her is a clear and brightly carved out path. I need to have very clear intentions and crystal vision. hmm... I just saw the Crystal Visions Tarot in my mind's eye and I happen to be listening to Stevie Nicks right now. I will make that my next deck I purchase. It will somehow help me to tap into my creativity. The fact that she a page shows I am still in the learning phase. Her blue gown represents the throat chakra, telling me to continue to speak my own truth, To be very clear in my communication.
Another thing is how important music is to my healing process, dare I say vital.
I just got this card when I did the post about Tex. He reminds me of the cat who starred in the movie Thor. And here we see a royal of the Air court who is controlling the weather and using a sword like he uses his hammer Mjolnir. I have never been more upfront and clear in my communication than I have with him. I will continue to do so.
I also knowI need to apply with more airlines. Like this is a student of the realm of Air.

2. What do I need to do to stoke the fires of passion in my life? - High Priestess II - This card was also in that post. And I have shuffled and used the deck several times since then. I need to see myself as a Queen, as a vibrant, young(ish), healthy woman who has extreme depth to her personality. And who has sex! Oye vey, it's been a VERY long time! What am I saving it for, marriage LMAO! A lot of people associate this card with the Blessed Mother, the pure virgin. I always associate it with an alluring seductress, like Angelina Jolie! Though I adore and honor Mary, I wanna be Ang! I'm jus sayin'.
I also need to enjoy my solitude and get re-acquainted with mySelf. I used this card in a meditation on Persephone back in 2004 and I just thought of that. I may need to revisit with Her.

3. How can I ensure that I have a healthy sexual belief system? -  Death XIII Rx - Alright, this is bananas. When I do a reading, I pick up each card one at a time and randomly slide it into the deck in various spots so the same cards are not stacked together. This is the 3rd card from the reading about Thor, wth?! Anywho, I need to resurrect my sex life! I ain't a virgin and I ain't dead, so why the hell am I acting like it! I do know why y'all. Since 2004, I have had about 8 or 9 Tower events back to back. No pun intended, 2 events were with regard to damaging 9 disks in my spine. Others included my father dying and hurricane Kartina to name a few. So getting laid simply was not a top priority, ya know. Getting out of bed, physical therapy for several years, dealing with FEMA, battling a horrible depression, those were the kinds of things that were at the forefront of my mind. Ya know, things like, a place to live, no job, no money, supporting someone in Iraq, my hair falling out of my head. Those kinds of things. I turned off many aspects of mySelf, starting with the sensuous being I used to be. I've never been one to cat around, but in a committed relationship I am quite..eh-HEM, amorous! *evil grin* I owned one pair of flat shoes that I only wore when working international flights until I fell. Nothing less that 3" heels. I did my make-up most of the time, beautiful shades  of eyeshadow and my nails were ALWAYS done. Do you hear me? AL WAYS!! Since I was 19 years old! Now I live in workout gear, Nikes, and I have ugly, crappy nails. (that really pains my very soul you guys, for real). Well Freyja is telling me with this card that it is time for rebirth of Krysten, or as they nick-named me in flight attendant training, Diva! This card often times means there will be a 3 month period of metamorphosis. So that puts me at August, Lammas. Or possibly Halloween/Samhain.
This card is ruled by Pluto, which deals with crisis management and sexual deviance. I need to resurrect my inner dirty girl lol. Yay!!!

4. How can I shed light on the pleasures life has to give? - Strength VIII Rx - Believe in myself, plain and simple. Face my fears and be the Cowardly Lion after he realized he had heart all along. Embrace my inner Domme. Like She-Ra from Saturday morning cartoons lol.  I just realized how much she resembles Freyja.

5. How can I strengthen my union with my partner? - 5 of pentacles Rx - Well, my potential partner, whoever he may be. Stop seeing my short comings. That bright red calls to mind my blown out root chakra. My chiropractor even said that sex would alleviate my back pain to a large extent. See, it's therapeutic lmao! And don't get caught up and start trippin' on the fact that he most likely makes a very decent amount of money and my ass is poor as a church mouse. See myself as worthy of a great guy, and make sure he is worthy of the valuable things I have to offer. Don't create problems where there are none Krysten. And learn better money management skills.

6. What magnificent creation in my life am I not aware of? - 9 of wands - Oooh I like this card in this position! 9's mean it's just about or it is over. The 9ofW says, hang in there baby, you're in the home stretch! It has been a long, hard road out of Hell, but be on guard for the beginning of the end. The word "preparation" is written on it, with the candles lighting the way like torches in the night. Keep your head high and don't give up. Pace myself and know I am surrounded by more protective forces than I even know.

7. How can I exhibit more Self love? -  Princess of Cups - this is such a beautiful PofC. I hear the line from finding Nemo, "Just keep swimming!" She is a mermaid, and she will not change just to try to please someone else. True self love and self acceptance are a bit new to me, but I am getting the hang of it. Continue to be patient and kind with mySelf. Watch what I say about myself, speak positively about me. Remain open to the love of the Goddess. And use my intuitive gifts to guide mySelf to peaceful and emotionally safe and health situations. The more of love and compassion I show myself the more I will attract from others.

               "For the honor of Grey Skull! I have the power!"

Head-turner In Houston

I've been away from my blog for so long now. Lots going on. At first it was lots that was not too good, but now it is lots that is actually pretty good. That whole Mars Rx thing was a hum-dinger! Who knew it was such a powerful transit? And I think it being in Virgo made it even more challenging, yet also quite beneficial. Ever since it went direct, things have been moving in a much more positive direction with some umph. There are a few posts I'd like to make, but I'll start with this post. It  is with regard to a possible new relationship with a very hot guy I met while flying through Texas. I'll give more info later, right now I just want to do this so I can make a dang post! (And cause I really really want to know what the cards have to say about it all! tee-hee! It's been a long time since I had a man turn my head! And this one dang sure did! I'm pretty sure I did the same to him!)

I've chosen to use my Gill Tarot. It was the second deck I ever owned. (Don't you agree that U.S. Games makes the hands-down best cards with regard to quality!) You all know love my dark and goth decks! But I think maybe it is the whole Spring thing that has me wanting the brightness of this deck and its simplicity at the moment. I am choosing to only pull one card at a time instead of laying them all out first and then doing the reading.

                                                        *click photo to enlarge*

HIM
Where he is right now? - The Lovers VI - Ok, if I told you I didn't just do the girl squeal and I'm not sitting here looking  like the Cheshire Cat, I'd be a damn lie! The  Lovers for me blends the head with the heart. It is about romantic love, but just as much about choice. He has made the choice to be open to love, make a real connection with someone. His energy in person reads to me like that of a person who has been through some serious shit and came out on the other side better for it. A man who is very comfortable in his own skin. And a might fine skin it is LOL! And this card says that he is a point where he has chosen to have a serious commitment.


What is influencing that? - The Chariot VII - He has either tried to harness his emotions in the past or let them run out of control and not gotten a good result. He is an air sign, so he has most likely had a hard time balancing emotions and logic, as was shown in the previous card. This card also tends to represent travel. And being in the airline industry, I'm betting he is wanting the Cancerian traits of this card in his life. The safety and security of a nurturing home life after traveling so much. I also think this shows that we both felt some serious sparks and are really trying to pace and not get ahead of ourselves.

What does he want in a mate?  - Death XIII - Uhh.. ok. Let me think on this for a few min... Ok, I first notice the scythe the angel of Death is holding. He wants a woman who cuts through the bullshit and tells it like it is. (Wait until I have time to tell you guys the story of how we met lmao) Next I notice the crown. He needs a woman who knows what she wants and who recognizes her own majesty, knows her own worth and commands respect. Now I am thinking of how the Death card is ruled by Scorpio. He wants depth, passion, wisdom, sensuality, loyalty and trust. A woman who is sexually adventurous. Trust is a very sensitive issue for him I'd say. I just heard in my head " till death do us part" Does he want a wife??


What does his gut tell him about me? - Ace of Wands - That it is time for him to make a bold new start and I am a very passionate woman who will inspire him to take chances and have fun, and he seems like he loves to have fun.  Especially following the Death card, that I will offer him a whole new way of living, a fresh start. That I am bright, enthusiastic, passionate woman who he is now ready for.

What action will he take? - 10 of cups - This cat is really wanting to create something serious, dare I say, even to be married?? And holy crap, out of these 5 cards, 3 are majors and one is an Ace! There is major karma or a much higher prupose at work with all of this.

                                                                         
ME
Where am I right now? - 6 of cups - On this deck, we see the word "satisfaction". It is a bright card and the colors make me think of the solar plexus and heart chakras. I notice how the chalice on the top of the wheel is replenished from what is pouring out of the one at the bottom. I really am in  a much better place emotionally and I would really like to have the give and take of a loving relationship. And the emotional satisfaction that I have been cultivating from within is what is attracting healthy emotional situations.

What is influencing that? - Princess of Swords - I really like this version of the card. And yes, these days my mind is much clearer and focused. I do feel more in control of my thoughts and am learning to be better at speaking my own truth. The fact that she is the Princess/Page shows that I am still in the earlier stages of this and still have more growth to do. This version of the card also calls to mind the spell I did back in Oct to find a compatible mate.

What do I want in a mate? - The High Priestess II - My favorite of all tarot cards. I do want someone who is deeply spiritual and has done a lot of self-reflection and thus has a lot of wisdom and respects the wisdom I have. Who is very comfortable with who they are, a profound sense of depth to their character. Who has an air about them that just draws me to them, like the tide to the moon, and them to me. Yet understands the importance of quiet solitude and soul searching.

What does my gut tell me about him? - King of Swords- LOL! And yes, he is an air sign! An Aquarius no less! (If you've read my  blog for a while, you will know the irony of that. Well get a load of this: he has the same birthday as my previous KofSw!! wth) My gut tells me he is so strong, yet can be fragile at times. He is most likely a work-o-holic. Goddess, please don't let him be a total Aquarius know-it-all! He is probably very outspoken. He may be prone to insomnia. He needs change, excitement, and he has a very strong personality. He has a very strong humanitarian side and is drawn to things that are unconventional. If nothing eles, I have most likely made a friend for life. And I do have Venus in Aquarius, which is why the weirder they are, the better I like 'em! He doesn't strike me as "weird" but we are defintely opposites in some respects. Which is always right up my alley. And the KofSw aka King of Air goes along with him being airline.

What action will I take?  - Wheel of Fortune X - Lol, yep, that's how I'm feelin'. Let's spin the wheel and see what happens, but I'm feelin' pretty lucky. 10's mean it's time to start again and go into the next phase. His last card was a 10 and so is mine. The earth energy of it shows me being grounded and my need for something stable and secure in my life, but that I am willing to take a chance.

What does Spirit want me to know?  - The Fool 0 - For this i used the card at the bottom of the deck. Another major! This is a whole new phase of life for both of us. We are ready for a fresh start, a new adventure and we are both feeling very optimistic. We have both played the fool before, but now we are so much wiser for it. I have a feeling that we are both trying to not get over zealous and just walk right off the deep end, but we are so ready for this new adventure. This card often times means a house move, and with the 10 of cups and AofW, I really can see where this could be the case. Spirit is telling both of us to keep an open mind and an open heart and dare to go for it! I have to say I also find the 10ofC, AofW and The Fool to be a very interesting combination! I dare not even speak that yet though lol!

My First Night In Jackson Square: Fun For Me!

I just realized I never posted the pix of the first night I read cards in New Orleans' Jackson Square. Then I realized that I've never posted any pix of myself. Just never seemed important. But I am still so tickled pink at it all! So here ya go. (yes, I just had to add at least one word in a different color tee-hee!)

 Ok, I have NO idea what the heck we were discussing that got this face LOL!!

 Willow, my new friend that I met when I went to her to get a reading a few days prior and she told me that I was supposed to be on a spirirtual path and what a wonderful idea it would be to come out and read. She and her husband Xan are the best!

 Embracing my inner High Priestess!

 I love it! I am doing what I love, am so passionate about, helping people find the answers that are right there inside yet are sometimes so deeply hidden. In New Orleans. Look at me cheesin', loving it! Fe Fi Fo Fun for me!

My stars,  before this night, I can't tell you the lat time I smiled like this. *note to Self*

Rabbit Heart in a Taurus Full Moon

"Holding on to anger is like holding on to a hot coal with the intension of throwing at another"
~Nichiren Diashonin

I have heard the call of the Goddess so strongly since I got back to New Orleans. I have been practicing Nichiren Buddhism for the past 2 years. I am so happy that I did. But She has called me back and it is a feeling down deep in my soul.

My 40th birthday is right around the corner. I have been dreading it because I feel SO unaccomplished in my life. Nothing is as I'd have hoped at 39. But I finally have turned the corner on my feelings about that. Like my grandfather used to say, "If you don't like getting old, try the alternative" My friend Willow suggested I do a banishing spell so I have a clean slate to do a spell on the new moon to bring the things into my life that I want. So I have done a very simple but powerful spell. I haven't been a practicing witch in several years so I no long have alter supplies. Plus where I am it is very difficult to do spell work. Here are the items I used:

writing paper
1 silver candle
olive oil            
sea salt
lemon zest
1/2 & 1/2
a white paper plate
purple ink pen
tarot cards- the High Priestess II, 9 of pentacles, Empress III. Ace of Wands, Ace of Pentacles, 6 of swords, and The Hierophant V

I sat down and I wrote a letter of forgiveness to everyone I harbor any resentment or anger toward. It was actually not as hard as I expected it would be. (I guess once a week for 4 years with a shrink actually does pay off. Humph.) But I just let it rip, anyone or thing that I still had beef with. The Scorpio ex b/f, the airline I used to worked for, my parents, previous roomates. (And if you've read any of my posts from Feb-June, then you know that bullshit was real hard to do!) Even the individual who date raped me when I was 19 and took my virginity. I didn't even realize that was still an issue at this point in my life. Not a big one, but there is still some anger and hatred no doubt. But 20 years is a really long time to be pissed off no matter how good of a reason. It was a bit of a challenge to not be judegmental and to also assume responsibility for my part in things when needed, yet not blame myself for things that were not my fault or beyond my control. And that brings me to the most important person I had to forgive- ME! All 5 of them crazy chix in my dome! I have to banish the self-doubt, anger and negative feelings about myself, my life. It's like... it's like being an emotional hoarder. Let that shit fucking go man! Free your mind, your ass'll follow! I'm sick and tired of being prisoner to Fear and Doubt. They got ta go!

You will notice the big shiny reflection of the counter top. Normally that would drive me crazy and get cropped, but when I was taking the pix it looked just like the full moon shining down. So I kept it.

So I wrote my letters/notes. Then I selected the cards that coincide with my intention and with the energy of a Taurus full moon.
The HP II because I want to stop doubting my self and my intuition. I have more than enough life experiences at this point that I damn sure can start to have complete trust in myself! And how gorgeous is she in this deck, plus the full moon on it.
 9ofP beacuse I want to be an indpendant, self-sufficient woman who has a wonder home and is secure and comfortable within her own skin. Plus this card represents the 9 disks in my back that bothered me for so long. And we all know how much I love black cats and Catwoman. This is my all time favorite 9ofP!
The Empress because she is associated with Taurus, but more so because I have never had kids because if fear and doubt. Fear of loosing my independance and personal freedom and fear of finances, another Taurus issue. Also because I recently found out that at 38 I started menopause. Are you fucking kidding me... But my gut tells me don't believe it as far as fertility. If I choose that I really want one, I will have one. I've decided I do since I have been around a baby everyday for 2 months. But that'll be in another post.

AofW- again the mom issues and creating the life I want in general and having it filled with passion and energy. And the fertility aspect. This may just be the most gorgeous AofW I have ever seen!
AofP- Taurus and money security issues. I want to remove my negative and false ideas about money and prosperty in general.

The Hierophant V Rx- Ruled by Taurus and all about following what God/Goddess direct you to do. Also about not being a slave to what society says is "right". I felt this version really captured that.
6ofSw Rx- I've made posts about how this version looks like the guy in the front is Fear and the one in back is Doubt and they are keeping this powerful creature enslaved. I want to move on to a better life and freedom from negativity. I don't ususally use Rx cards but for this spell I did on these last two because these are things I want to banish. I just took the picture right-side-up so we can see what the cards look like.

I have my silver candle burning right now as I type this out. That way I am further infusing it with my intent, which is what magick is all about. If you want to know more about casting spells, check out Rowan Pendragon's site. She is amazing and a wealth of knowledge.

*this was actually done on 11/11/11 though it is being posted a day later

I have been listening to Florence + The Machine while I have been sitting here. I love their music so much. Rabbit Heart I think is perfect for this! Because I will no longer be a rabbit-hearted girl! (Lyrics below the video.)

FLORENCE + THE MACHINE LYRICS

"Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)"

The looking glass, so shiny and new
How quickly the glamour fades
I start spinning, slipping out of time
Was that the wrong pill to take? (Raise it up)

You made a deal, and now it seems you have to offer up
But will it ever be enough? (Raise it up, raise it up)
It's not enough (Raise it up, raise it up)

Here I am, a rabbit hearted girl
Frozen in the headlights
It seems I've made the final sacrifice

We raise it up, this offering
We raise it up

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

I look around, but I can't find you (raise it up)
If only I could see your face (raise it up)
Instead of rushing towards the skyline (raise it up)
I wish that I could just be brave

I must become a lion hearted girl
Ready for a fight
Before I make the final sacrifice

We raise it up, this offering
We raise it up

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

Raise it up, raise it up
Raise it up, raise it up

And in the spring I shed my skin
And it blows away with the changing wind
The waters turn from blue to red
As towards the sky I offer it

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

This is a gift

How Can I Co-operate With God/Goddess

I was at a blog I think you should all check out, Tarotize.com. The lady's name is Lisa and she had another blog, Tarot Healing, that has taught me a lot and been so inspirational.  Today I  found a great spread she created and I'm going to try it. I absolutely love the title of this! I mean when you think about it, isn't that where a lot of our troubles stem from? The lack of understanding and thus lack of co-operation on our part?

HOW CAN I CO-OPERATE WITH GOD/GODDESS?

1. General answer to the question: Wow...let's just start off with a bang here lol. The Fool 0. The basic answer I need to focus on is that I need to trust in the limitless power of The Divine, and thus my own limitless power! Trust that everything will be great and that is what I will pull to me. At first the wolf looks so scary, but I just heard that saying the old folks use, "God protects babies and fools!" And now I am realizing that the child has the wolf on a leash! The child is in control, NOT the wolf!! Trust that I am more powerful than my fears and then I can harness them and train them to behave the way I see fit. This way, I don't have to act foolishly, but can have that lack of fear and total confidence that children have when facing a new adventure. You can not kill your Shadow self no matter how much you dislike it. But once you lovingly accept that you must co-exist with it, you can transform it and use it to your advantage. The baby is not focused on the wolf now, but on that beautiful rose, new life, hope, beauty, creation, and it's like the rose is bending down for him to grab. The red color and that the child is firmly seated is making me think of how much I need to do energy work on my root chakra. The color for it is red and it represents knowing that one has a right to be here and is safe, that the Universe supports you.

2. When I'm alone: Choose to face my fears, and start with the really scary ones first. The Lovers VI is ruled by Mercury who rules communication and speed, which just went retrograde until the 28th  and tht tells me a few things.A) Again a sign that blogging is good for me. 2. I need to continuously, actively choose to keep my thoughts positive and be clear and direct in my prayers. If I'm sending mixed messages to the Divine, I guess all I could get would be mixed results.  3)Don't get too caught up in my own head as I tend to do and do NOT see mySelf as a fcking powerless victim. True, I've got some scary and overwhelming shit to deal with. But either deal with it or it's gonna deal with me! The knight coming down from the sky makes me think I need to ask Micheal the arch angel for help. Been getting a lot of signs about angels lately,

3. When with friends and family: Another Major Arcana, wow! And my beloved High Priestess II. She is telling me to stay true to mySelf and trust my own intuition. No matter how wise and sincere those who love me are, I have GOT to listen to and trust my own inner Goddess!! This card never ever leads me astray.

4. In my professional life: Are you serious, another Major!? lol! I SOOO have to get my resume' out to more airlines and do some readings for others! Again, the whole babies and fools theme, and also be brave and stop going round and round in a maze of confusion that gets me nowhere fast. Breakout of my own self-imposed prison and go for it. The Sun XIX is as "yes" as you'll ever get to any question! Yet ANOTHER reminder that I will be hugely successful in both areas IF I get my shit together and go for it. The one child holding the other child's make me think of my biggest supporters these days, Suzette, Marjorie, Ray and my dear friend in the UK, Karen. xoxox

5. Around those who are negative or try to thwart my efforts: ......You've GOT to be kidding me.... I swear to you I shuffled well and no, I have not been doing anything with only majors lately that would explain this.... Justice XI This tells me that others will always be judging me, but I can NOT listen to that crap. The beam of light as she looks upward tells me that it's not what anyone other than The Divine thinks. I just watched The Town, again last night. Such an amazing movie! This card is reminding me of how Doug's best friend Jim was such an sad and judgmental asshole. He didn't want Doug to succeed because he didn't want Doug to do more and grow to be a better person because of his own insecurities. They came from a place where honor was the law of the land, but it became a very twisted and unjust weapon that people used against each other. But Doug had finally grown and learned from his mistakes, and they where some huge ones. There are a lot of parallels to be drawn, but I know this card is telling me SO clearly that the friendships I have recently lost where no longer healthy and it was time for them to end. Just like Doug, I don't want to blame, judge, or punish others for  how they choose to live their lives, it is not my place and it is not healthy for anyone. Karma is very efficient, She does not need my help. Just for me to keep being true to mySelf. Honor and being a true friend has to start within your won self first.

What an amazing reading this was! And this many majors is a neon sign I need to come back to often and take head. Thank you Lisa for sharing this spread. 

Summer Solstice Reading 6/21/11

Today is the summer solstice, or as many would call it, Mid-Summer. It is the longest day of the year, when the sun is at its zenith, and marks the first day of summer. Mid-Summer has a lot of energy that goes with it. It is a great day to focus on healing, prosperity, relationships, fertility, finances and ways of creating happiness and joy. So I decided to ask the cards what message they have for me today.

I must say....not real pleased at first glance man! WTH?! Ok, lets take a closer look and see what to make of this.

9 of Swords, The High Priestess II, and the 5 of Swords
The E.D. are air/water/air, which to me makes fog. I will need to keep clear head and not let my emotions make me confused. A bit of a task for me ya know.

The only card that makes me feel any kind of positivity is the High Priestess, my favorite card of any deck. But next to these two janky cards, I just don't know! I think She is trying to tell me that I have GOT to follow my own path and stop stressing about what others think of me! My life, my choices, my call to make. I have to turn inward to find the way that is best for me. I have to learn to trust mySelf. 9ofSw is the nightmare card, and I kinda remember having a few the other night. 5ofSw is such a nasty card! And being next to the HP I wonder if it is a woman who is talking shit and causing dissension with regard to me. Unfortunately I can see where that is totally possible right now. It could also be my own mind. As the tag line for this blog says, "There are 5 chicks in my head and all of them have way too much to say. These are their stories." So it could be the nonstop chatter in my own mind that keeps me so stressed and in a state of fear and doubt. Uncle Al is attacking this poor man on the card. Is that just me attacking me?? And is it the 5ofSw in my head that is keeping my inner HP from being able to have a voice and show me the path to my own feminine power that I can never seem to stay on? Quite probable, but I drew one more card to see if I could get a bit more clarity, and the 8 of Cups came up and the 10 of Pentacles is on the bottom. This takes me back to the possible shit-talking female. I may be moving again and, and it may not be under the best conditions. 

8 of Cups, 10 of Pentacles 

Crap.

This is SO not anywhere near what I was expecting, but I guess the cards tell you what you need to know, whether you like it or not. 

NOT!!!

Questions About Moving

I want to move. I used to hate Philly, but now I see that I don't hate Philly, I hate the state of my life, and my life just happens to be happening in Philly at this time. Philly is a great city. I now truly get that wherever you go, there you are. So if I have a shitty attitude in Philly and then move to Bangkok, I'll have a shitty attitude in Bangkok. If I have a shitty attitude and move to Paris, I'll just being having a shitty attitude and it will just so happen to be in Paris. It's "who" you are, not "where" you are. Because you make the place, the place doesn't make you. It's taken me 39 years to really get that shit, and I still have to remind myself of it.

The first row is Atlanta, the second is New Orleans. The first thing I notice is the elemental dignities. 2 fire and 1 earth and the fire are both majors. This shows getting out of a stagnant way of being and using that to fuel change and ambition. It's using that feeling of being stuck to motivate me a light a fire under my ass. God knows I need that!!!!!

Row 1: Atlanta 
The first thing I notice is the 6 of Pentacles. I have such wonderful friends who love me there and have done so much already to help me. And I want to be able to repay their kindness and give back in any way I can. I just did a round of EFT (a link is enclosed if you are unfamiliar with it) about generosity a few minutes ago. I see the large pentacle over her heart and it reminds me of a mediation I did from Chakra Healing (link included, check it out. Some great information).  She has you envision a flower over your heart chakra and see money, dollars, yen, pounds, euro, whatever, going into the ground and the flower blossoming. The point is to open your heart and root chakras and to see that money is NOT evil, (your motives surrounding it may be) and that self-worth is tied to money issues. Open your heart to self-worth and a wealth of things will grow into existence, and money is not an exception. Maybe there will be a money making opportunity in the ATL. The five points on the pentacles also make me think it may be a good idea because the area I'd want to move to an area there called Little 5 Points lol. The Tower XVI is the need for me to shake things up and and make a clean break.  Just last night Beyond Worlds did a great show about the Tower. I need to let go of what's not working. And believe you me, that's a whole lot os shit lol! This also makes me think I may be in for a rude awakening when I get back to Philly. Oye vey! God knows that's what happened a few months ago when I was here!! Yeesh! But with the Emperor IV next to it, I see that it's so jacked-up, shitty, kick-you-in-the-ass situations that can lead you to take charge of your life and command you to control it and not let life control you. The rising sun on the Tower is leading my path to the inquisitive little meerkat on the Emperor. And I love how on this deck's version of the Tower, there's not the usual nose-dive out of the burning building. She is safely nestled up in the tree away from danger and with her teddy bear. It make suck, a lot in fact, it may be scary, but it WILL be ok. My guides and angels are with me. Focus on the end result I want, not how much getting there sux.

Row 2: New Orleans
These make all the sense in the world to me. The first things I notice are the High Priestess II and the Queen of Pentacles. Both are cards I use to identify myself, as a Capricorn and as a woman who has always sought the esoteric. The HP is a card I always associate with New Orleans, the witch (which in my book is a compliment to be admired, NOT feared! No matter what I practice, at this time it is Nichiren Buddhism, I will always be a witch honey. It's in my Creole roots and I love it), the mysterious sorceress, the sensual lady that she is, who draws you in and makes you fall in love with her. Once she is under your skin, you are never free from her intoxicating rush that makes your soul crave her all the more. Think, Marie-Laveau. Mysterious, misunderstood, and just plain missed. And that huge moon on the QofP is something I also associate very much with the city, the Crescent City as she is known. It's where I've always gone to heal and nurture my spirit whenever major emotional upsets occurred or when life was just driving me crazy. That is until Katrina. Which brings me to the last card, the Knight of Cups. How sad and lost as he feels is how so many of us who had to leave still feel. Searching for a place called home. And looking at the E.D. water, earth,water, it makes me think of Katrina, earth surrounded by too much water and then washed away. All of that emotion I feel, the need for security and a solid foundation to build a life and a home, but not enough money. Because I would not feel safe moving back home without a the "Oh Shit!!" fund set aside. Not just savings, but a specific account to sustain myself when the next hurricane comes. Because as negative as it sounds, we all know it's not IF, it's when that is the question.

Bottom Line:
The 3 of Swords. I need to heal my heart, and that can only come from within. In Buddhism it teaches that your surrounds are a reflection of your inner state of being. Swords are air. I need to change my way of thinking and do some more inner work to create true happiness that can not be destroyed regardless of what is going on around me. And looking at the large X over her heart, it's just like what people do when you visit Marie Laveau's grave. You write your heart's desire/prayer on a piece of paper and make the red X's. As I look at the trees bending from the wind from those large storm clouds, I see the tears of sadness flowing down this woman's beautiful face. Is she pointing to her broken heart? Or to the ahnk, the symbol of eternal life. Maybe both, point out that life goes on no matter how terrible the storms.

Face to Face

So I got a message from an old friend I have not seen since the night we met back in '05, about a week before Hurricane Katrina. Then we found each other on FB a few years ago and occasionally say hey, what's up or Happy Birthday since we are one day apart. The chemistry between us is HOTTT!!! So he hit me up this evening via FB and text to let me know that he will be in town tomorrow. (Well, since it's 03:52 we can call it today huh.) I'm torn about seeing him. I really do want to. He's a really cool guy. But I have reservations about it for several reasons. A. I'm about 15lbs heavier than I should be. Now I'm very lucky that I carry my weight very well since I'm kinda tall and am lucky enough to have a pretty nice shape naturally. But 15 lbs too much is 15 lbs too much no matter how ya stack it!! And though he is almost 10 years older than I am, he is in amazing shape. He used to be a professional athlete and still looks like it!  2. is the fact that my back is has been so bad lately. Being in chronic pain is such (ok, here it comes...really bad pun) well, such a pain! Today I was walking around looking like a ward of the state and didn't get out of my pajamas until like 9:00 at night! And here I am in quite a bit of pain right now. It can make me cranky and not the best company to be around and often keeps me from going places and doing fun stuff. And 3. he works in the airline industry like I used to until I fell and damaged 9 disks. It's so hard to deal with the normal questions people ask: How are you? What are you up to? Where do you work? Well what do you do? How do you manage? Will you go back to flying? What do the doctors say? How long has it been? UGHHH!!! So all of that to say I have a few very deep insecurities that are keeping me from wanting to see him. I could always say that now isn't a good time for me, but that would only lead to the question "Why not?" since I have expressed that I'd really like to see him when he can get an overnight here. And to lie and say I'm not in town or something like that just seems dumb. I'm 39 and I'm gonna lie about anything much less dumb shit!?? I mean, for real!

So of course I had to consult the cards.
Holy. Cow. !
Sooo many things that are so perfectly descriptive of the dynamic between he and I!!! So I shall just name but a few.

First thing I notice straight away is that 3 out of 3 cards are Majors! And the first one is The Lovers VI! LOL And this version in the Tarot of the Sweet Twilight is so incredibly beautiful and romantic. I notice that the woman is nude as the man gently caresses her face. It shows how vulnerable I feel right now, how exposed to disclose what is going on (or not going on as the case may be) in my life right now. But I guess this also shows that he will be compassionate and accepting of me just as I am. Which, if he isn't, why be with him at all, regardless of what the dynamics are! The two lovers on the card are as if they are an island unto themselves. Maybe he needs to be alone with me and to feel safe too. And the way it is just floating in mid-air makes me think of us working on an aircraft, miles above the planet.
The next card is my beloved High Priestess II. I guess in many ways we are both a mystery to each other. And I think for him I really am. Talk about mystery and romance, we met on a hot summer night in the French Quarter and it was an instantaneous attraction about as subtle as white lightening streaking though the velvet sky just before the crack of thunder whips through the clouds before a rain storm. And I must say, I most definitely let my inner High Priestess II run the show! I look at this version of her and have to laugh. There is often a lot of "cat and mouse" interaction in our conversations. I see the High Priestess as an alluring seductress. Kinda hard to feel that way these days though. The look on the cat's face is more like how I feel! "Oh! Shit! He's gonna see through the veil! I'm no good at game playing and so I won't be able to keep up the facade that my life is going just fantastic!" I also notice that the High Priestess II has her back to the next card, the Emperor IV, who clearly has two sides to who he is and is fine with letting me see both. This card is represents a man who is powerful and has good business sense, posses a lot of character and strength and has his shit together. As a pilot, this card really could be a good one to represent him.  It's like the Priestess has her back to him and is looking off into the distance into the "if only..." that is not my reality at this time. And he is looking dead at me. I'm gonna have to face him, yet I still want to retain some air of mystery and magnetism with him. If this card is here, then so far I have. But can I keep that?? The High Priestess is the woman that a man is drawn to like a bee to honey, or more appropriately, the ocean to the moon. Even when he is not consciously thinking of her, she is not that far away from his thoughts. She's under his skin. Even if they don't see each other or speak often, he never forgets her or how she makes him feel. It also shows how he had confided in me about a lot of personal thoughts and feelings about himself and his life.

The card at the bottom of the deck is the 9 of Pentacles. This is by FAR  my very FAVORITE 9ofP and dare I say the best interpretation I have ever seen!!! I was looking at it earlier today and for some reason was thinking about New Orleans! This card just screams everything I think the 9ofP is all about and everything I want for my life, The deep red says passion, as a personality trait, but a passion for life. She's Catwoman for Goddess' sake! The 9ofP is about a woman who is confident and strong and has not had anything handed to her easily, but has worked hard to attain what she has and is very comfortable and financially secure but also very secure within herself. She chooses to be with others is she so desires, but she is very independent and no matter what, she always lands on her feet! It's like the High Priestess has changed outfits, still looking off into the distance, only here she looks so much more content and at ease. Is it because she has her mask on? This deck is sooo Tim Burton-esque! I now hear the the lines  spoken and the song that was in Batman Returns when Michelle Pfipher/Selina Kyle was at the party dancing with Bruce Wayne/Michael Keaton. It was "Face to Face" by Siouxsie and the Banshees and it is one of my very favorite songs. "Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it. But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it." We have spoken many times, but this will be the first time in 6 yrs (!!! Holy shit Batman, where in the world does time go!?!??!) seeing each other face-to-face. I wonder if either of us will really take of our mask or if when we kiss, will we allow ourselves to mean it...



**Update-- This reading couldn't have been more accurate lol! I am so glad I did this reading and took its advice. It was so nice to see him and I could tell my guides putting the Siouxsie song and the Catwoman/Batman dynamic into my head was so accurate. And when I took of my mask to a good degree, he did as well. And boy was I pleasntly surprised. I was so afraid he would see my life as one big giant hot mess and judge me. Meanwhile, he spoke very briefly, yet finished my sentences as though he read my mind, only he spoke in first person. And in that moment I was so very glad I did go to see him. And as opposed to feeling down on my self and how my life has been for the past few years, I felt understood and accepted. My God, what better gift can you give another person. I don't know if it ever struck me so deeply that there actually can be a greater gift than love.
And I also felt like a school girl having her first kiss that night! LOL I kept thinking of this song: 

** Why the hell this is so damn large is beyond me LOL!!