If I Was My Vampyre

The Tarot of Vampyres is one of my most beloved decks. The images are hauntingly beautiful, so filled with depth and meaning. I absolutely love how it has the perfect blend of darkness and light. Lots of onyx-tinted hues of greens and greys to enhance the rich crimson, emerald and blue-violette. The artist Ian Daniels captures so much emotion and passion in the expressions of their faces and you can all but feel the smoothness of the satin and lushness of the velvet of their gowns and feel the mist that blows past. I.  Love.  This.  Deck.
I've been wanting to do a very cool reading that Chloe of Inner Whispers created and Lisa of Tarotize did as well that depicts My Life As a Vampyre.

                                                                 *click photo to enlarge*

1. What would I be like? - 6 of Grails - I first notice that this card is the Sun in Scorpio. I would be an extremely  passionate creature who would reminisce about certain aspects of my humanity, primarily my loved ones who I would have to leave behind, wouldn't understand or accept my choice,  or I'd have to watch age and die and move on to a different realm from me.  Yet I would still completely embrace and accept my new existence. I would be able to release so many fears that keep my paralyzed and constrict the freedom my soul longed for as a human. I would learn to use my fears as tools to enhance my existence. I notice how this vampyre looks like a younger girl and she is looking at the Empress next to her. I think I would be a mother. Little goth vampyre wee ones LOL.

2. What aspect of my human existence would be magnified? - The Lovers VI - I think I would be more at ease with the choices I made, especially given the insight from the last card. My husband and I would have chose to go through the transformation together.

3. What would I struggle with/fear the most? - 5 of Knives - In reality, my Venus is in Aquarius, which is the astrological association of this card. I would be afraid I would be too trusting of other creatures of the night. And that I would have be in conflict with other vampyers who would expect me to have no regard for any human life. Others would feed at any cost. I couldn't harm innocents. I'd be more of a Dexter type of vampyre. Hunt evil warlords in the Congo.

4. What would I strive to accomplish? What would motivate me the most? - 10 of Knives - I would strive to "live" my new "life" to the fullest, and to make damn sure some psycho, right-wing holy-roller didn't stake me! I 'd be motivated by the ending of a life where sickness, disease, physical pain (back pain) are a given. I'd be motivated by the far greater possibility of immortality.

5. What would I excel at or embrace? - The Empress III - A nod to card #1. I'd embrace being a mother. And excel at nurturing and being supportive of the newly created vampyers.

6. What aspect of my humanity would I most try to cling to? - The Devil XV -  Ok this card was about to really trip me up at first, but now I totally get it! It all goes back to card #1, the 6 of Grails. All of my earthly desires that are not wise choices as a human being but not harmful if not completely acceptable as a vampyre. All of the things that as a human I only wish I could/would do. I'd drink coffee with extra sugar and heavy cream all day long. Eat a pound of bacon a day, hot-cross buns, crepes with Nutella, Popeye's fried chicken, beignets, red velvet cake, Ritter Sport chocolate with hazelnuts and Australian shiraz, and extra butter on everything! And drink Absinthe even though I hate licorice. I'd dress in leather, latex, satin and velvet in 6" heels/boots and wear elegant but heavy goth make-up and cyber-locks. While at the ballet.  I'd drive a Dodge Challenger at its max speed as well as a Harley. I'd skydive, snow board, horse back ride, roller blade, ride roller coasters,   and pole dance because my back would be healed. I'd deep-sea dive off the Great Barrier reef with the sharks. At night. I'd ski down double diamonds in The Alps, go out deep on they bayou in the dark of night. I'd train hop with the drifters and learn all of Betty White's dirty jokes. I'd do any and every dangerous, hedonistic thing I could think of at least once. Twice if I really liked it! tee-hee-hee!  Ohhh... if only I were a Vampyre  *deliciously evil grin*   V""V

Head-turner In Houston

I've been away from my blog for so long now. Lots going on. At first it was lots that was not too good, but now it is lots that is actually pretty good. That whole Mars Rx thing was a hum-dinger! Who knew it was such a powerful transit? And I think it being in Virgo made it even more challenging, yet also quite beneficial. Ever since it went direct, things have been moving in a much more positive direction with some umph. There are a few posts I'd like to make, but I'll start with this post. It  is with regard to a possible new relationship with a very hot guy I met while flying through Texas. I'll give more info later, right now I just want to do this so I can make a dang post! (And cause I really really want to know what the cards have to say about it all! tee-hee! It's been a long time since I had a man turn my head! And this one dang sure did! I'm pretty sure I did the same to him!)

I've chosen to use my Gill Tarot. It was the second deck I ever owned. (Don't you agree that U.S. Games makes the hands-down best cards with regard to quality!) You all know love my dark and goth decks! But I think maybe it is the whole Spring thing that has me wanting the brightness of this deck and its simplicity at the moment. I am choosing to only pull one card at a time instead of laying them all out first and then doing the reading.

                                                        *click photo to enlarge*

HIM
Where he is right now? - The Lovers VI - Ok, if I told you I didn't just do the girl squeal and I'm not sitting here looking  like the Cheshire Cat, I'd be a damn lie! The  Lovers for me blends the head with the heart. It is about romantic love, but just as much about choice. He has made the choice to be open to love, make a real connection with someone. His energy in person reads to me like that of a person who has been through some serious shit and came out on the other side better for it. A man who is very comfortable in his own skin. And a might fine skin it is LOL! And this card says that he is a point where he has chosen to have a serious commitment.


What is influencing that? - The Chariot VII - He has either tried to harness his emotions in the past or let them run out of control and not gotten a good result. He is an air sign, so he has most likely had a hard time balancing emotions and logic, as was shown in the previous card. This card also tends to represent travel. And being in the airline industry, I'm betting he is wanting the Cancerian traits of this card in his life. The safety and security of a nurturing home life after traveling so much. I also think this shows that we both felt some serious sparks and are really trying to pace and not get ahead of ourselves.

What does he want in a mate?  - Death XIII - Uhh.. ok. Let me think on this for a few min... Ok, I first notice the scythe the angel of Death is holding. He wants a woman who cuts through the bullshit and tells it like it is. (Wait until I have time to tell you guys the story of how we met lmao) Next I notice the crown. He needs a woman who knows what she wants and who recognizes her own majesty, knows her own worth and commands respect. Now I am thinking of how the Death card is ruled by Scorpio. He wants depth, passion, wisdom, sensuality, loyalty and trust. A woman who is sexually adventurous. Trust is a very sensitive issue for him I'd say. I just heard in my head " till death do us part" Does he want a wife??


What does his gut tell him about me? - Ace of Wands - That it is time for him to make a bold new start and I am a very passionate woman who will inspire him to take chances and have fun, and he seems like he loves to have fun.  Especially following the Death card, that I will offer him a whole new way of living, a fresh start. That I am bright, enthusiastic, passionate woman who he is now ready for.

What action will he take? - 10 of cups - This cat is really wanting to create something serious, dare I say, even to be married?? And holy crap, out of these 5 cards, 3 are majors and one is an Ace! There is major karma or a much higher prupose at work with all of this.

                                                                         
ME
Where am I right now? - 6 of cups - On this deck, we see the word "satisfaction". It is a bright card and the colors make me think of the solar plexus and heart chakras. I notice how the chalice on the top of the wheel is replenished from what is pouring out of the one at the bottom. I really am in  a much better place emotionally and I would really like to have the give and take of a loving relationship. And the emotional satisfaction that I have been cultivating from within is what is attracting healthy emotional situations.

What is influencing that? - Princess of Swords - I really like this version of the card. And yes, these days my mind is much clearer and focused. I do feel more in control of my thoughts and am learning to be better at speaking my own truth. The fact that she is the Princess/Page shows that I am still in the earlier stages of this and still have more growth to do. This version of the card also calls to mind the spell I did back in Oct to find a compatible mate.

What do I want in a mate? - The High Priestess II - My favorite of all tarot cards. I do want someone who is deeply spiritual and has done a lot of self-reflection and thus has a lot of wisdom and respects the wisdom I have. Who is very comfortable with who they are, a profound sense of depth to their character. Who has an air about them that just draws me to them, like the tide to the moon, and them to me. Yet understands the importance of quiet solitude and soul searching.

What does my gut tell me about him? - King of Swords- LOL! And yes, he is an air sign! An Aquarius no less! (If you've read my  blog for a while, you will know the irony of that. Well get a load of this: he has the same birthday as my previous KofSw!! wth) My gut tells me he is so strong, yet can be fragile at times. He is most likely a work-o-holic. Goddess, please don't let him be a total Aquarius know-it-all! He is probably very outspoken. He may be prone to insomnia. He needs change, excitement, and he has a very strong personality. He has a very strong humanitarian side and is drawn to things that are unconventional. If nothing eles, I have most likely made a friend for life. And I do have Venus in Aquarius, which is why the weirder they are, the better I like 'em! He doesn't strike me as "weird" but we are defintely opposites in some respects. Which is always right up my alley. And the KofSw aka King of Air goes along with him being airline.

What action will I take?  - Wheel of Fortune X - Lol, yep, that's how I'm feelin'. Let's spin the wheel and see what happens, but I'm feelin' pretty lucky. 10's mean it's time to start again and go into the next phase. His last card was a 10 and so is mine. The earth energy of it shows me being grounded and my need for something stable and secure in my life, but that I am willing to take a chance.

What does Spirit want me to know?  - The Fool 0 - For this i used the card at the bottom of the deck. Another major! This is a whole new phase of life for both of us. We are ready for a fresh start, a new adventure and we are both feeling very optimistic. We have both played the fool before, but now we are so much wiser for it. I have a feeling that we are both trying to not get over zealous and just walk right off the deep end, but we are so ready for this new adventure. This card often times means a house move, and with the 10 of cups and AofW, I really can see where this could be the case. Spirit is telling both of us to keep an open mind and an open heart and dare to go for it! I have to say I also find the 10ofC, AofW and The Fool to be a very interesting combination! I dare not even speak that yet though lol!

Facing Fear About Another Move

The first thing I notice is that 4 outta 5 cards are water; I've got to get inspired (no wands cards), get grounded (no pentacles). At least there is one air card and it's a major. I chose to use a spread that Lisa uses on Tarotize. First card is the situation, card 2 is what's influencing it, 3 is advice or action to take, 4 is the outcome if card 3 is followed.

I have to post the pictures later unfortunately...

The 6 of cups today shows me how the girl is courageously yet calmly facing something very scary. Since this cards traditionally has to do with past emotional connections, I feel like she is telling me to think of past situations that I have dealt with scary things by choosing not to fight them but to face them head on. I have to do this like she is treating the bear. From a place of patience and calm and compassion. I tend to be very very hard on myself. The ground they are on looks like a turtle today for some reason. This is a slow process for me, but I have to keep going. And I have to do it at my own pace and not compare myself to other people who are much quicker in dealing with things. Yet the primary situation I am dealing with makes time a huge factor. It needs to be dealt with and a solution like yesterday! Or more like last week actually! The castle is so far away. I am still looking for an apartment and I am scared shitless. I ran from Hurricane Irene and ended up running to another tropical storm. I feel like this is telling me to face the fear of going back to Philly. It's really hard to look for a place there when I'm 900 miles away. Where will I sleep if I go back tomorrow?? That would be the big giant bear I have to face and what is making me very slow to want to go back.
What's crossing is Justice XI. I see the snake first and it looks like her sword has the snake pinned in place. I had a dream the other night about snakes all around me. They were however not actually hurting me physically. Again the theme of facing fears. Maybe I will find a sense of balance when I do. I see how very calm Lady Justice is and her soul is singing. Damn I wish my soul was a peace enough to sing. Her eyes are closed and she is concentrating of manifesting what her soul longs for. (This card also makes me think of a certain legal situation. Wonder if that is about to get wrapped up??)
Advice is to stop blaming myself for things beyond my control. Would I treat anyone else as harshly as I do my self? No. Balance my emotions. I see now there is a snake with a sword, but it is a caduceus here. And I notice they are on a bed. I need to get back to work with my trainer to continue to heal my back. And I do have to buy a new mattress.
The outcome seems to show a new chance for peace if I can just stay calm and ride out this storm. I see her looking ahead to something, so I will pull another card for clarity.
HA!! The 9 of Pentacles!! The card that is my ultimate goal of aside from the High Preistess and this deck has my absolute favorite version of it! It screams Independence, security, self-confidence and the financial means to take care of myself! It's like she is looking at the Ace of Cups and showing her she can do it!

I found a really great post from the blog The Tarot Speakeasy, it's called Resolving Fear and Doubt. Two faithful companions that I am SO very sick of. I have added the link the blog so you can see how the spread is done as well as the very cool theory behind it. Here is what I got:

Step 1: The card that matches my inner most fears and doubts at this moment- 6 of Swords
In the Tarot of the Sweet Twilight, the 6ofSw is shown with 3 figures in stead of just the usual two on most decks and once in a reading I heard so clearly that the figure in front was Fear and in the back was Doubt, and there I was, shackled in the middle, not flying high. This applies to how i feel about so many things. I think the trick to understanding this version of the card is that it's not always the things that are happy and "positive" that offer the most assistance on moving forward. It's actually the crappy, scary, f*kd up things that often times have the most potential to take us to where we need to go in life. But it's much easier to be taken prisoner by them than to use them as a means of escape from what ever prison that keeps is held captive. My greatest fear is just remaining stuck, trapped by these two, like I have been for far, far too long, and never breaking free.

Step 2: The card that matches my strengths- 6 of Cups
It's kinda disturbing that I had to narrow it down to just one card for Step 1, yet had a hard time finding a card for Step 2..... I  chose this card because I have a gift for making people feel emotionally safe and reminding them of fond memories from past situations  and of what makes them lovable regardless of how others may see them.  (funny I happened to choose two 6's)

Step 3: The Anti-doubt- The Empress III
This is who/how I  must be to resolve the fear and doubt. I first notice how very confident this Empress is, so confident she has the whole world in her hands and stars of hope surrounding it. (Note, there are six stars. I gotta look into what 6's mean. Also the Empress is a 3). The next thing I see is that her head is in the air (logic, thought) and her heart is in the water (emotions, healing, love). I need to see that neither is more important than the other, they just have different places. She is saying to me that if I am more loving and patient with myself, the confidence will come. I will then be able to teach others do the same.

Step 4: A sign to look for that it's working- Knave of Wands
This is reminding me of how important listening to the right music is! Music can alter my mood almost instantly. I need to listen to songs that motivate and inspire me to be driven and not give up.

I really liked this exercise and will have to try it again!

Full Moon Spread

I am so damn tired my eyelids are begging me to allow them to close, but I really want to try this spread I just found on the Tarot Dame's blog. She said she got it from Aclectic Tarot. I think I am just so excited b/c Rhiannon just messaged me to say she checked out the blog and was pleased and proud of my last post! Pretty freakin' cool to have the person who created the deck you used give you approval!!!! And since it is the last night of the full moon, I want to take the opportunity to use that energy.

Full Moon Spread

1. Moon Cycles: What old patterns am I still spinning around in?
Ace of Wands-- This is SO embarrassingly true! I get all hyped about something and all excited but don't ever finish shit! I look at the pyramids and see that i need to remember that to create anything of value and beauty takes a lot of follow-through and commitment. You can't just  get board or get disappointed or get lazy and just say screw it! There is always gonna be some bullshit to deal with is what the desert says to me. Conditions will sometimes be extreme and not working in my favor. A lot of hard work and sweat may be involved. But when I look at the green leaves sprouting out of the ahnk, it reminds me that I am the one to create new karma in my life. I have to stop getting caught up in negative thinking and seeing all the reasons why things won't work out, because that just creates the reality I don't want: things not working out! Bast is the goddess of cats. I have to stop with the victim mentality that is so unattractive and exhibit the confidence of a cat with 9 lives. I just got the image of a black cat walking along the top of a fence in the moonlight. He is confident he won't fall and if he does that he will land on his feet. Not taking advantage of the new creative opportunities I am given is such a lame pattern. And then I have nerve to wonder why I so often feel stuck! Ha!

2. Moon Magnetism: What am I attracted to?
Knight of Wands-- Big dreams and big time excitement that may be somewhat romanticized. I am attracted to being on the move, on the go and anything fun. The rainbow makes me think of "rainbow moments" which for met translated in to saying no when I need to. It just thought of how Susan said once that being grown is the ability to tell yourself no. There is no easy, quick fix in life. I've got to be more grounded and disciplined (note, there is not one earth card in the bunch!) in stead of flitting off to do what is more attractive and fun, yet not at all smart. Work first, then play.

3. Lunar Influences: How the moon affects me...
2 of Wands-- This seems kinda tricky to answer. I mean, I have always LOVED the moon and been so drawn to it. I used to stare at it when I'd say the Hail Mary as a child, having no idea about magick or The Goddess at that time. I see the boys fighting. Does the moon cause me to be more feisty?? Inner turmoil?? I just got the message that I need to block against psychic attacks. 2's are about choices, balance, decisions, equality. Wands are about passion, creativity, energy, drive. Am I more driven to create balance and choose to make decisions that create what I am passionate about?? I'm gonna have to study this one.

4. Old Man MOon: What in my past is returning?
7 of Wands-- Hopefully this means a fighting spirit that will never surrender to anything or one who will try to take away what is mine by intimidation or trickery. Or it can be the fact that I need to get my own place and the troubles surrounding all of that. I see the woman fighting with this guy, I feel like she knows him and he is trying to attack her so she has to defend herself and stand up for what's right. Or it can be depression I have to be so mindful of since it is so sneaky and tends to return in cycles.

5. Moon Dreams: What my subconscious wants to tell me....
6 of Cups-- Let go of old emotional baggage KrystenLOL!)

OMFG I AM SO PISSED!! I just wrote a ton of REALLY good stuff here and it has somehow managed to get erased!!!!!!!!!

I do at least remember that one thing was how much I miss being a F/A and I need to get on that shit.

6. Moon Reflections: Illusions and delusions
3 of Swords-- So this is about what is skewing me from seeing reality in a clear light. The first thing to jump out at me is the well in the background and it makes me think of The Star card in The Faulkner Tarot. That negative tape that goes off in my head of how bad things are or what heart aches I've had in the past keeps me from having hope and faith that no matter how unhappy I am or how jacked up things are, I have got to know that I am surrounded by angels who are constantly looking out for me, so do NOT get caught up in that hopeless mindset!! It's victim bullshit and it keeps me from living in the now because I'm so freaked out about the future because I'm still stuck on the past!! I see the three fates, and I am thinking of how I need to remember that fate is not set in stone. Our lives may be predestined, but our choices at every turn of our lives can change the course of our lives completely. I have to cut the cord to what keeps me living in the past or in a negative mindset. Because that's how I end up breaking my own heart.


Another thing I want to make note of is the E.D. There are 4 fire cards out of 6! There is 1 air, 1 cup and NO earth. To me this says that the air of the 3ofSw will encourage all that fire to keep me motivated and inspired. The one water card shows I am in an emotional place to a certain extent, but it is not controlling me or an unhealthy thing. The lack of earth clearly proves how up in the air my life is and how I so desperately want and need to be grounded, to heal my back, and to make some damn money!!!