I'm so tired, but I had to ask the cards about a situation. I wrote an email today and the very very short version of the story is that I told certain someone today that I needed to distance myself from him because I feel more for him that he feels for me or is capable of showing. I was a big girl and made sure that I was very honest but not all "girl' and melodramatic and doing the emotional blackmail crap. So I asked the cards just now what is going on with him in light of that. I tried a little trick Rhiannon taught me where as to imagine a huge sailors rope coming from around me and crossing in a figure 8 and looping around him to feel his energy. (If you try this always be sure that at the end of the reading you are doing, imagine a huge pair of scissors cutting the rope and free the connection. You do not want to remain pulling and carrying around another's emotions like that! It's not healthy for either party.) Since there is such a strong bond between us, this was not at all hard to do with him. I instantly felt sick to my stomach and very heavy and confused. I used my Universal Goddess deck which is one of my very favorite decks and became the one I used for readings about him or us. Here are the cards:
10 of Swords, 10 of Pentacles, and The Wheel of Fortune X
3 cards, all 10's. WTF.
An ending, a new beginning, and a cycle that continues. The 10 of Pentacles shows what I want. I'm 39, no kids and never been married. He's 37, has 3 kids and is an amazing single dad. I want to get married. To him?? Not sure, but I at least want a serious, committed relationship with him to find that out. I love how warm and inviting the Japanese goddess Ben Satien is and that's what I want. A warm home filled with love and family and friends. We both love to have people over and eat and hang out. And this card is about family and legacy. I told him today that "I am not happy with how my life is going and that at 39 I need to get my head out of my ass and get my shit together". 10 of Swords shows how we both feel in a lot of ways. I'm not at all a victim in this, but I am sad because I don't want it to be this way. Take note of the gold ring in the water. He's sad because to quote the LWB "I am the innocent victim of a cruel curse. I am alone, afraid and desperate in this gloomy forest." Now though he would never in a million years say this, it describes a lot of what he feels. In addition to other personal issues, he is an Iraq War Veteran. That kinda says it all. And then there is The Wheel X. The those white flowers Arianrhod has floating about makes me think of how I threw caution to the wind by being extremely upfront in telling him what I did without any expectation. Hope? Yes, but no expectations. I live as the complete east coast and he one the complete west. If I were still a flight attendant, this would be totally workable. But as of the foreseeable future, I'm not one. She looks so free, and there is a certain freedom from taking the weight off of myself by being so upfront. The Wheel of Fortune is about karma and fate and the ups and downs of life. We have had many many ups and downs and there is an extremely strong karmic connection between us. One way is the fact that his mother who is on the other side talks to me so often. But I had to say what I did today. And I feel like those flowers are saying "let the chips fall where they may". The blue of her dress says be at peace with whatever happens.
I wonder what getting three 10's means!? I know 10's are all about starting over, re-generation. For me they are also about a transition. I see 9's as an ending, and 1's as a new beginning, but 10's as that in between phase of regrouping and transition from one phase to the next. Kinda like Purgatory for Catholics. And I am tired of feeling like I'm in limbo with this cat.
The bottom card is one that I so very often get with him, the 9 of Wands. (So we have three 10's and one 9......) I absolutely love this interpretation of this card! It is by far my favorite 9ofW in any deck. It is the goddess of the winter solstice, Angerona. The LWB says it so beautifully, " Silence is the mother that never asks questions but welcomes you silently between her benevolent arms when you are tired and uncertain." How beautiful is that. And since he lives in Portland, those evergreens covered in snow are so fitting. The snow on the wooden fence post to symbolize the rods is like telling him it's ok to stop fighting, lay down your arms, the war is over my baby. I see myself posed as Angerona is, welcoming him home, not asking pointed questions or forcing him to discuss anything, though I know he needs to free himself of the pain in his soul. And most of all, not judging, just greeting him with acceptance and love.
As far as E.D. , there is one
For shits and giggles, I decided to turn over another card. Don't you know it was the King of Wands. He's a Sag.
10 of Swords, 10 of Pentacles, and The Wheel of Fortune X
3 cards, all 10's. WTF.
An ending, a new beginning, and a cycle that continues. The 10 of Pentacles shows what I want. I'm 39, no kids and never been married. He's 37, has 3 kids and is an amazing single dad. I want to get married. To him?? Not sure, but I at least want a serious, committed relationship with him to find that out. I love how warm and inviting the Japanese goddess Ben Satien is and that's what I want. A warm home filled with love and family and friends. We both love to have people over and eat and hang out. And this card is about family and legacy. I told him today that "I am not happy with how my life is going and that at 39 I need to get my head out of my ass and get my shit together". 10 of Swords shows how we both feel in a lot of ways. I'm not at all a victim in this, but I am sad because I don't want it to be this way. Take note of the gold ring in the water. He's sad because to quote the LWB "I am the innocent victim of a cruel curse. I am alone, afraid and desperate in this gloomy forest." Now though he would never in a million years say this, it describes a lot of what he feels. In addition to other personal issues, he is an Iraq War Veteran. That kinda says it all. And then there is The Wheel X. The those white flowers Arianrhod has floating about makes me think of how I threw caution to the wind by being extremely upfront in telling him what I did without any expectation. Hope? Yes, but no expectations. I live as the complete east coast and he one the complete west. If I were still a flight attendant, this would be totally workable. But as of the foreseeable future, I'm not one. She looks so free, and there is a certain freedom from taking the weight off of myself by being so upfront. The Wheel of Fortune is about karma and fate and the ups and downs of life. We have had many many ups and downs and there is an extremely strong karmic connection between us. One way is the fact that his mother who is on the other side talks to me so often. But I had to say what I did today. And I feel like those flowers are saying "let the chips fall where they may". The blue of her dress says be at peace with whatever happens.
I wonder what getting three 10's means!? I know 10's are all about starting over, re-generation. For me they are also about a transition. I see 9's as an ending, and 1's as a new beginning, but 10's as that in between phase of regrouping and transition from one phase to the next. Kinda like Purgatory for Catholics. And I am tired of feeling like I'm in limbo with this cat.
The bottom card is one that I so very often get with him, the 9 of Wands. (So we have three 10's and one 9......) I absolutely love this interpretation of this card! It is by far my favorite 9ofW in any deck. It is the goddess of the winter solstice, Angerona. The LWB says it so beautifully, " Silence is the mother that never asks questions but welcomes you silently between her benevolent arms when you are tired and uncertain." How beautiful is that. And since he lives in Portland, those evergreens covered in snow are so fitting. The snow on the wooden fence post to symbolize the rods is like telling him it's ok to stop fighting, lay down your arms, the war is over my baby. I see myself posed as Angerona is, welcoming him home, not asking pointed questions or forcing him to discuss anything, though I know he needs to free himself of the pain in his soul. And most of all, not judging, just greeting him with acceptance and love.
As far as E.D. , there is one
For shits and giggles, I decided to turn over another card. Don't you know it was the King of Wands. He's a Sag.
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