Thank you Boca Raton! xox

OMG!! I don't have time to write much since I type like...well not even a 3rd grader in this day and age, but my typing skills kinda suck is the point lol! 

Anyway.... Cliff's Notes version is that I had a wonderful time in Savannah in spite of it being for such a sad occasion. My g/f was so surprised and happy I was there. I totally did the right thing by going and supporting her!!!

What's nuts is that within about a 1/2 of being in the car the job offer came!!!! I gave them the 411 on my crazy life and explained that is why I have not tried to get in touch and told almost no one I am in Atlanta. They were like "honey that's what friends are for, not to judge but to help if they can. Hell yeah we can find a job for you!" I've only really done 2 things in my 39 years. I was a nail tech for 10 years and a flight attendant for 10. So I always feel like that limits me. But they said that the huge amount of customer service skills I have makes me a lot more marketable than I realize. So please keep your fingers crossed for me/say a prayer/chant/light a candle/howl and damn the moon that this works out! It would be working as a hospital administrator, which I never ever in a million years would have known to even consider! And I may even get graveyard or 3rd shift! (what other freak wants graveyard?! LOL) So my goal is to be gainfully employed and living in the ATL within the next 30 days.

The other thing that makes this so fantastic is that I have been wanting to read cards professionally since...forever and a day ago. But I doubt my gifts as a reader (and in so many other areas I guess) so much until I never have the balls to do it. But this reading has gone a very long way to making me believe in myself and just do it!! I owe so much to my friends who's CONSTANT love, support and encouragement have helped me so much!! I l love you all so very much! Guess I gotta let you all know I even do this blog huh LMAO! I suppose it is time to promote this bad boy huh lol. And thank you to the one person who does follow me here. You are a total stranger to me, but you stay in my prayers. Your support means SO much! It's helped a lot to give me the balls to promote it as well! Much love to you! XOX

It's Not About Me On a 22 Day

Today I got an email from an old friend I haven't seen since high school. She hit me up on FB and let me know that our mutual very close friend lost her mom and the funeral is tomorrow, June 23, and she is driving from Atlanta to Savannah this evening. I am in Atlanta, but almost no one knows. I have really withdrawn a lot from life given my financial circumstances. I knew I should be there for my friend, but that means all of the normal questions people ask: "How are you? What are you up to? What do you do?Where do you work? Oh...well what are you going to do??" I.  HATE. THAT. SHIT. !!! It's just like a a reminder in giant red neon letters of how much my life sux!!! So I pulled out the cards. They set my ass straight.

The Lovers VI, Judgement XX, The Hanged Man XII, The Star XVII
The Lovers kinda threw me for a second lol! Then I remembered it has so much to do with making a choice based on your hearts desire and it is ruled by Mercury, the planet of communication. We were all so close back in high school and we haven't seen each other or talked in years beyond a quick hi and bye on FB. The choice from my heart is to be supportive of my dear friend as she goes through one of the most awful things a person can ever endure, the loss of a parent. and her mom was a single mom. And she was such a nice lady. My heart knows that the right thing to do is to show my love and support and to re-connect with both of my friends. Judgement, well, I mean, this is as clear as it gets. A scene with an angel floating over a graveyard to call the departed on to the next phase of existence. The Hanged Man says to me that staying stuck in my rut needs to end. This card is about taking time to pause and reflect, but I know damn well I have done that for far too long! It is also about self-sacrifice for the greater good. I think my shame about my current situation is going to have to be put aside for the love of a friend. (ya think!?) The card at the bottom is The Star XVII, the symbol of hope, light at the end of the tunnel that you know won't be a train, and about healing. It says you have to detach and see the bigger picture. Because where is the best place to see stars? Wherever it is the darkest.

So then I get sign that is total confirmation when I open my FB page and see my FB friend's page. She is an amazing numerologist (link included) and had her post for today's date, the 22nd. It point-blank stated that a 22 day is all about sacrificing your own stuff for the sake of others! So needless to say, I'll be headed to Savannah this evening.

* Now, at the risk of sounding like a crass and selfish jackass....
The Judgement card also represents second chances, often with regard to career or work, and the Star can mean a house move. I wonder what else may be coming from my decision to go to Savannah....

Summer Solstice Reading 6/21/11

Today is the summer solstice, or as many would call it, Mid-Summer. It is the longest day of the year, when the sun is at its zenith, and marks the first day of summer. Mid-Summer has a lot of energy that goes with it. It is a great day to focus on healing, prosperity, relationships, fertility, finances and ways of creating happiness and joy. So I decided to ask the cards what message they have for me today.

I must say....not real pleased at first glance man! WTH?! Ok, lets take a closer look and see what to make of this.

9 of Swords, The High Priestess II, and the 5 of Swords
The E.D. are air/water/air, which to me makes fog. I will need to keep clear head and not let my emotions make me confused. A bit of a task for me ya know.

The only card that makes me feel any kind of positivity is the High Priestess, my favorite card of any deck. But next to these two janky cards, I just don't know! I think She is trying to tell me that I have GOT to follow my own path and stop stressing about what others think of me! My life, my choices, my call to make. I have to turn inward to find the way that is best for me. I have to learn to trust mySelf. 9ofSw is the nightmare card, and I kinda remember having a few the other night. 5ofSw is such a nasty card! And being next to the HP I wonder if it is a woman who is talking shit and causing dissension with regard to me. Unfortunately I can see where that is totally possible right now. It could also be my own mind. As the tag line for this blog says, "There are 5 chicks in my head and all of them have way too much to say. These are their stories." So it could be the nonstop chatter in my own mind that keeps me so stressed and in a state of fear and doubt. Uncle Al is attacking this poor man on the card. Is that just me attacking me?? And is it the 5ofSw in my head that is keeping my inner HP from being able to have a voice and show me the path to my own feminine power that I can never seem to stay on? Quite probable, but I drew one more card to see if I could get a bit more clarity, and the 8 of Cups came up and the 10 of Pentacles is on the bottom. This takes me back to the possible shit-talking female. I may be moving again and, and it may not be under the best conditions. 

8 of Cups, 10 of Pentacles 

Crap.

This is SO not anywhere near what I was expecting, but I guess the cards tell you what you need to know, whether you like it or not. 

NOT!!!

Questions About Moving

I want to move. I used to hate Philly, but now I see that I don't hate Philly, I hate the state of my life, and my life just happens to be happening in Philly at this time. Philly is a great city. I now truly get that wherever you go, there you are. So if I have a shitty attitude in Philly and then move to Bangkok, I'll have a shitty attitude in Bangkok. If I have a shitty attitude and move to Paris, I'll just being having a shitty attitude and it will just so happen to be in Paris. It's "who" you are, not "where" you are. Because you make the place, the place doesn't make you. It's taken me 39 years to really get that shit, and I still have to remind myself of it.

The first row is Atlanta, the second is New Orleans. The first thing I notice is the elemental dignities. 2 fire and 1 earth and the fire are both majors. This shows getting out of a stagnant way of being and using that to fuel change and ambition. It's using that feeling of being stuck to motivate me a light a fire under my ass. God knows I need that!!!!!

Row 1: Atlanta 
The first thing I notice is the 6 of Pentacles. I have such wonderful friends who love me there and have done so much already to help me. And I want to be able to repay their kindness and give back in any way I can. I just did a round of EFT (a link is enclosed if you are unfamiliar with it) about generosity a few minutes ago. I see the large pentacle over her heart and it reminds me of a mediation I did from Chakra Healing (link included, check it out. Some great information).  She has you envision a flower over your heart chakra and see money, dollars, yen, pounds, euro, whatever, going into the ground and the flower blossoming. The point is to open your heart and root chakras and to see that money is NOT evil, (your motives surrounding it may be) and that self-worth is tied to money issues. Open your heart to self-worth and a wealth of things will grow into existence, and money is not an exception. Maybe there will be a money making opportunity in the ATL. The five points on the pentacles also make me think it may be a good idea because the area I'd want to move to an area there called Little 5 Points lol. The Tower XVI is the need for me to shake things up and and make a clean break.  Just last night Beyond Worlds did a great show about the Tower. I need to let go of what's not working. And believe you me, that's a whole lot os shit lol! This also makes me think I may be in for a rude awakening when I get back to Philly. Oye vey! God knows that's what happened a few months ago when I was here!! Yeesh! But with the Emperor IV next to it, I see that it's so jacked-up, shitty, kick-you-in-the-ass situations that can lead you to take charge of your life and command you to control it and not let life control you. The rising sun on the Tower is leading my path to the inquisitive little meerkat on the Emperor. And I love how on this deck's version of the Tower, there's not the usual nose-dive out of the burning building. She is safely nestled up in the tree away from danger and with her teddy bear. It make suck, a lot in fact, it may be scary, but it WILL be ok. My guides and angels are with me. Focus on the end result I want, not how much getting there sux.

Row 2: New Orleans
These make all the sense in the world to me. The first things I notice are the High Priestess II and the Queen of Pentacles. Both are cards I use to identify myself, as a Capricorn and as a woman who has always sought the esoteric. The HP is a card I always associate with New Orleans, the witch (which in my book is a compliment to be admired, NOT feared! No matter what I practice, at this time it is Nichiren Buddhism, I will always be a witch honey. It's in my Creole roots and I love it), the mysterious sorceress, the sensual lady that she is, who draws you in and makes you fall in love with her. Once she is under your skin, you are never free from her intoxicating rush that makes your soul crave her all the more. Think, Marie-Laveau. Mysterious, misunderstood, and just plain missed. And that huge moon on the QofP is something I also associate very much with the city, the Crescent City as she is known. It's where I've always gone to heal and nurture my spirit whenever major emotional upsets occurred or when life was just driving me crazy. That is until Katrina. Which brings me to the last card, the Knight of Cups. How sad and lost as he feels is how so many of us who had to leave still feel. Searching for a place called home. And looking at the E.D. water, earth,water, it makes me think of Katrina, earth surrounded by too much water and then washed away. All of that emotion I feel, the need for security and a solid foundation to build a life and a home, but not enough money. Because I would not feel safe moving back home without a the "Oh Shit!!" fund set aside. Not just savings, but a specific account to sustain myself when the next hurricane comes. Because as negative as it sounds, we all know it's not IF, it's when that is the question.

Bottom Line:
The 3 of Swords. I need to heal my heart, and that can only come from within. In Buddhism it teaches that your surrounds are a reflection of your inner state of being. Swords are air. I need to change my way of thinking and do some more inner work to create true happiness that can not be destroyed regardless of what is going on around me. And looking at the large X over her heart, it's just like what people do when you visit Marie Laveau's grave. You write your heart's desire/prayer on a piece of paper and make the red X's. As I look at the trees bending from the wind from those large storm clouds, I see the tears of sadness flowing down this woman's beautiful face. Is she pointing to her broken heart? Or to the ahnk, the symbol of eternal life. Maybe both, point out that life goes on no matter how terrible the storms.

I found a really great post from the blog The Tarot Speakeasy, it's called Resolving Fear and Doubt. Two faithful companions that I am SO very sick of. I have added the link the blog so you can see how the spread is done as well as the very cool theory behind it. Here is what I got:

Step 1: The card that matches my inner most fears and doubts at this moment- 6 of Swords
In the Tarot of the Sweet Twilight, the 6ofSw is shown with 3 figures in stead of just the usual two on most decks and once in a reading I heard so clearly that the figure in front was Fear and in the back was Doubt, and there I was, shackled in the middle, not flying high. This applies to how i feel about so many things. I think the trick to understanding this version of the card is that it's not always the things that are happy and "positive" that offer the most assistance on moving forward. It's actually the crappy, scary, f*kd up things that often times have the most potential to take us to where we need to go in life. But it's much easier to be taken prisoner by them than to use them as a means of escape from what ever prison that keeps is held captive. My greatest fear is just remaining stuck, trapped by these two, like I have been for far, far too long, and never breaking free.

Step 2: The card that matches my strengths- 6 of Cups
It's kinda disturbing that I had to narrow it down to just one card for Step 1, yet had a hard time finding a card for Step 2..... I  chose this card because I have a gift for making people feel emotionally safe and reminding them of fond memories from past situations  and of what makes them lovable regardless of how others may see them.  (funny I happened to choose two 6's)

Step 3: The Anti-doubt- The Empress III
This is who/how I  must be to resolve the fear and doubt. I first notice how very confident this Empress is, so confident she has the whole world in her hands and stars of hope surrounding it. (Note, there are six stars. I gotta look into what 6's mean. Also the Empress is a 3). The next thing I see is that her head is in the air (logic, thought) and her heart is in the water (emotions, healing, love). I need to see that neither is more important than the other, they just have different places. She is saying to me that if I am more loving and patient with myself, the confidence will come. I will then be able to teach others do the same.

Step 4: A sign to look for that it's working- Knave of Wands
This is reminding me of how important listening to the right music is! Music can alter my mood almost instantly. I need to listen to songs that motivate and inspire me to be driven and not give up.

I really liked this exercise and will have to try it again!

Should I Start A New Blog??

So I've been toying with the idea of a new blog for quite some time now. Ever since I did the wonderful teleseminar with the very cool Theresa, The Tarot Lady. So I've asked "If I do this, what will I get? What will I give?"

GET:
6 of Pentacles, 10of Cups, 7 of Pentacles
Ok, straight talk here, I gotta say I was so happy to see some pentacles up in here lol. Because as aultruistic as I may be, I need and want to make some cash! The next thing that stands out to me is that the top row that has a lot of red and orange tones and the bottom has lots of blues and greens. This will bring me a lot of joy and will be something I am passionate about. I think these colours are to show that in spite of a lack of wands, this venture will  require me to take action and light a damn fire under my ass, something I so desperately need.
The 6ofP lets me know to NOT feel in anyway guilty about charging for readings! Fair exchange is no robbery! And as much heart and soul as I put into my readings I give a whole lot of myself. The circus tent is saying don't allow others to treat tarot as some cheap parlour game, respect it as a true skill not just cheap entertainment. The 6ofP is all about give and take.

The 10ofC says I will gain so much emotional fulfillment from this. I see the woman's left hand is the one holding the hand of the man she can not actually see. My guide(s) will be with me talking right in my ear so just lay back and relax just like this chick and trust the process. It's about feeling and feelings and the subconscious, that's why I think there are not swords. Don't think so damn much, just feel and let it flow!

The 7ofP tells me that I will get more confidence the more I practice and do the performance of it. Practice on my friends and their friends. That way I can evaluate my progress and continue to get better and better. But tarot is a continuous journey of learning, NOT a final destination of perfection. And as Theresa said, find my own voice, my own style. No matter how many times the same song has been played, the world has never heard it sung in my voice. I also think this is speaking directly to my confusion about traditional meanings and intuitive interpretations. It is calling to mind how I just found out that a song that I've loved for years is actually a re-make. The Looking Glass by Siouxsie and the Banshees was actually done like 10 years earlier by Kraftwork. What if Siouxsie had not thought her own way of expressing the song had just as much (maybe more??) value than the original? Use the original meanings to build from and create my own version. And don't compare myself to anyone but me as I evaluate my progress!

GIVE:
The Hermit IX, 8 of Swords, 10 of Wands
I notice that this row has all shades of greens and blues in contrast to the upper row. I will give people emotional support and a means to grow. And I see all three cards have mountains, so I'll also give them a way to overcome the obstacles they face. Two cards have homes at the top of the mountains. I do have the ability to make others feel safe and cared for.

The center card calls to me first, the 8ofSw. People come to readers when they feel stuck. My blog will give them a safe place to clear their head and sort things out, all of those self-imposed limitations that keep all of us trapped and made to feel like victims. I will give my readers (including me!) a way to stop going round and round, back and forth in a figure 8, like a rat on a wheel with no way off.

The Hermit shows how that can be accomplished. For me this card has always been like the Grand Poobah version of the 6ofP. Once you've gotten that wealth of knowledge, it is each of our responsibility to pass it on. This Hermit is writing in his journals, like I will be typing on my keyboard. The little bird on his left shoulder again says that my guides will be there to make sure I give the proper information in the best manner of understanding for each person. And I love the look of pensive compassion on his face.

This 10ofW shows all of these people who have been turned into puppets, trapped, not living but just kept prisoner by some unseen force. And the are stuck on this tiny ledge with little margin for error. But the strings look like if they just gave them a few good yanks they'd break. They are all looking down and their hearts are covered by their arms. The new blog could be what inspires people (starting with my own ass) to cut the crap that keeps us trapped and closed off from living life to the fullest. And again, here is another house. It may be an uphill battle, we may fall a few times, but that's damn sure better than being victims of circumstance.